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The Book of Good Manners

W >> W. C. Green >> The Book of Good Manners




See AFTERNOON TEAS.



INTERIOR, SECRETARY OF--HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the
honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain most
sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary Of The Interior.



INTRODUCTIONS. One should be careful in making introductions.
It is easier to evade than to cause
disagreeable complications. It is unpardonable
to introduce one party to another after
having been warned not to do so.

Forgetting a person's name when about to
introduce is awkward, and when it does
occur, one should apologize and ask name.
If a person fails to hear the name, it is proper
to inform the one to whom you are introduced
and to say: "Pardon me, but I failed to
hear your name." In making introductions
one should distinctly pronounce the names.

Parents should not speak of or introduce
their children as MISS ANNA, but simply
MY DAUGHTER ANNA. Only before servants
should they be spoken of as MISS ANNA.

Persons of celebrity should have introductions
made to them. Men should always be
introduced to women, the younger to an
elder person, and unmarried persons to the
married. Persons at an entertainment are
introduced to the guest of the occasion.

Women and men on being introduced may
shake hands, but it is not good form. A
polite bow, a smile, and friendly recognition
is more correct.

Those invited to an entertainment are on
equal footing; it is therefore not necessary
to introduce one to another. Conversation
may be held without this formality, though
introductions may take place if desired.
When an introduction occurs, future recognition
is not warranted. For this reason
great care should be exercised at entertainments
that only those who are congenial to
each other should be brought together.

At small gatherings it is more kindly to
introduce. When many are present, it is not
customary to do so.

Introductions should not take place in a
church or on the steps.

It is quite proper to introduce one group
to another without formality at any outdoor
function--athletic games, etc. Such introductions
need not imply further acquaintance
if undesirable.

DANCING. The man must be introduced to the
woman, and he should ask her for the privilege
of a dance.

ENTERTAINMENTS. Introductions are not absolutely
required at musicales, teas, "At
Homes," etc. One may converse with those
nearest, but this does not warrant future
recognition.

MEN. Men are introduced to women and single
men to married men.

When introduced to a woman, a man
should bow but not shake hands, and make
some pleasant observations, and express
pleasure at the introduction.

When introduced to another man, the
man should shake hands.

Business introductions are immediate and
personal, and are intended to bring men
together without much formality. No formality
is required in introducing one man to
another on casual meeting.

It is well to avoid exaggerated expressions,
as: "Delighted to meet you," or
"Glad to know you." A simple "How do
you do" is better.

A man introducing another to a woman
should first ask her permission to do so.
This gained, he introduces him with the
remark: "Mr. Smith desires to be introduced
to Miss Wilson."

A woman's permission should first be obtained
by the party introducing. Very often
off-hand introductions take place; but it is
better to be more formal and careful, as indicated.
If she evades or declines, a man
should accept it without any show of feeling,
and make it as easy for her as possible.

After an introduction at an entertainment,
when a man meets the woman on the street,
she should bow first if she desires to continue
the acquaintance.

CHAPERONE. A man should never be introduced
direct by card or letter to a young unmarried
woman. If he desires to be introduced, the
letter or card of introduction should be addressed
to her chaperone or mother, who may
then introduce him to the young woman if
she deems it advisable.

At an entertainment a chaperone may ask
a young man if he wishes to be introduced
to the one under her care.

FORMULA. A good formula for men is: "Mr.
Brown, may I present Mr. Clark?"

A man presenting a man friend to a woman
should say: "Mr. Williams desires to be
presented to Miss Wilson. Miss Wilson,
allow me to introduce Mr. Williams. This is
Mr. Williams, Miss Wilson."

The formality is sometimes waved, and the
forms, "This is Mr. So and So, Miss Jones,"
"Mrs. Smith, Miss Jones," or "Allow me to
present ----," are used when casual meetings
occur.

PARTY INTRODUCED. After receiving call of
party to whom you have been introduced,
the visit should be returned. If AT HOME
card was left, the call should be made only
on the days specified; if an ordinary card,
call at any time within three to ten days.

If the party introduced leaves town, he
should send his card to his late host before
leaving; upon his return, he should leave
his card again.

PARTY INTRODUCING BY CARD--WOMEN. A
note of explanation may be sent by party who
brings about the introduction to the party to
whom the introduction is made, giving such
explanations as may be deemed advisable.

Two cards should be used--a person's own
card and the card of the party being introduced,
enclosed in envelope, and sent by
mail or messenger. On the left corner over
name of party introduced should be written:
INTRODUCING MR. WILSON

PARTY INTRODUCING BY LETTER--WOMEN.
Care should be exercised that the introduction
is agreeable to all concerned.

RECEPTIONS. The man should express desire
for an introduction.

WOMEN. Women calling and meeting others may
be introduced to each other by the hostess.
Upon such an occasion, when a meeting happens
between women, conversation may take
place between them without an introduction.
It does not imply further acquaintance if not
desired.

Extreme etiquette demands that no two
women of the same locality be introduced to
each other without the consent of both parties.
The object of this is that, although the parties
may be agreeable to the hostess, they may
be objectionable to each other.

Women upon being introduced to each
other may shake hands, but a slight inclination
of the body, a smile, and an appropriate
remark are more correct.

When entering a room where others are
assembled, introducing a guest to more than
one person at a time is unadvisable.

Men are introduced to women, single
women to married women, and a young
woman to an older one.

No woman should allow a man to be introduced
to her unless her permission has been
first obtained. The exception would be in the
case of a very elderly man, or a celebrity,
when the honor would be conferred upon her.

A married woman to whom a man is presented
receives him with some pleasant remark.
An unmarried one receives him with
a pleasant smile and repeats his name.

Personal introduction is done by a third
party introducing two persons to each other,
provided it is agreeable to all concerned. Introductions
should be made with extreme
care and caution, and not at all unless one is
well acquainted with both parties.

Outdoor Introductions--as, when meeting
others, or at outdoor sports--need not be
formal, but can be done haphazard. This
does not imply further acquaintance if not
desired.

FORMULA. A woman should introduce her husband
to acquaintances as "My husband,"
and not "Mr."; to intimate friends as
"Henry."

HOSTESS. Introductions to the hostess at an
"At Home," or reception by women assisting
hostess, of those who have been invited to
the entertainment by them, are not recognized
thereafter unless by mutual consent.

The hostess receiving in her own home
should offer her hand to all to whom she is
introduced.

The hostess introduces her immediate family
to all her guests. No formal permission
is necessary.

In the case of one woman desiring an introduction
to another, the hostess should be
asked to bring this about.



INTRODUCTION, LETTERS OF. The introduction of one
person to another by letter is as follows: The
party introducing writes the name of the party
he introduces upon his own card, and above
his name the words: Introducing Mr. Wilson
(his friend's name). It is then placed in an
envelope and addressed to the person to whom
the introduction is to be made. On the
lower left-hand corner of the envelope, Introducing
Mr. Wilson, is written, and given to
the bearer unsealed.

The party to whom a letter of introduction
is given should send it by mail to the party
they desire to be introduced to, enclosing
their own card with address, and then await
invitation to call.

This is preferable to calling in person, as
it may not be agreeable or desirable for the
party to open and begin such an acquaintance.

In business introduction, such formality
may be set aside.

If a letter of introduction is personally delivered,
the party presenting it should also
enclose card.

If the party called upon is not at home,
the letter or card should not be left, but sent
by mail or messenger.

The one giving another a letter of introduction
may write to the friend explaining
why it is done, who and what the party is.

If a man sends a letter of introduction to
a woman, she should acknowledge it, and, if
she wishes, invite him to call.

PARTY RECEIVING--WOMEN. The party receiving
cards of introduction should call in person
upon woman introduced; if unable to do
so, a letter should be sent, stating reasons of
inability to be present. A member of the
family may make the call instead. It should
be done within three days.

If not agreeable to receive party for any
reason, a card may be sent or left. No personal
visit need be made.



INVALID'S CALLS. A woman unable to call from sickness
may have her calls made for her by her
sister, or daughter, or some female relative.




INVITATIONS. Care should be exercised in inviting
new acquaintances to breakfast, luncheon, or
dinner, unless there are some particular
reasons why they will be especially agreeable
to those invited.

All invitations should be sent by mail.

Verbal invitations should be avoided as
much as possible, and if a verbal one is given,
it should be followed immediately by one in
writing.

ACCEPTING OR DECLINING. Invitations to all
entertainments, when answers are expected,
should be acknowledged by a written letter
of acceptance or regret. The answer should
be sent to the person or committee issuing the
invitation.

Invitations to dinners, musicales, weddings,
and breakfasts should be answered at
once, and those to balls, dances, and receptions
within one week.

Invitations to ordinary "At Homes," teas,
or weddings, which do not include invitations
to the wedding breakfast or reception,
need no acknowledgment.

The invitations sent to a family--as,
mother, or daughter, or several daughters--
may be answered by one person for all. But
invitations sent to the men of the family
should be answered by each man.

When it is found necessary to decline after
accepting an invitation, a card should be sent
the evening of the entertainment with an explanatory
letter the day following.

BALLS. Invitations to balls or assemblies should
be answered immediately, and if declined the
ticket should be returned.

DANCING. While a woman may accept or decline
any invitation to dance, it is considered a
discourteous act to refuse one man and to accept
thereafter from another an invitation to
the same dance.

WEDDINGS. Such invitations should be answered
at once, except when the invitation does not
include an invitation to the wedding reception
or breakfast, in which case no answer is
needed.

ADDRESSING. When invitations are sent to a
husband and wife and daughter, only one envelope
is needed, the daughter's name appearing
under her parents. Separate envelopes
should be addressed to two daughters--as,
Misses Wilson.

Separate envelopes should be addressed to
each son.

MEN. If an invitation is sent to a man, he should
answer it himself; but if sent to a man and
wife, the latter may answer for both.

TO CALL WITH CHAPERONE'S PERMISSION. If
permission is asked, and if agreeable, a chaperone
should invite a man to call upon her and
her protege.

Every effort should be made to call at the
specified time.

TO CALL ON WOMEN. If a woman invites a man
to call without specifying the time, it is
equivalent to no invitation at all.

TO CALL ON WOMEN THROUGH LETTERS OF
INTRODUCTION. If a man having a letter
of introduction sends the same by mail to a
woman, it should be acknowledged by a written
invitation to call. If the person receiving
the letter does not care to receive the party, a
card is sent which ends the matter.

R. S. V. P. The use of these letters--standing
for "Repondez, s'il vous plait" (Answer, if you
please)--is decreasing. All invitations bearing
these letters should be answered at once.

These may be used on invitations to ceremonious
receptions, breakfasts, luncheons,
dinners, and to meet a prominent person.

WIFE. When a husband and wife are invited to
a dinner, and the former does not accept,
the wife should also decline and give her
reasons. The hostess can then invite the
wife only, who may accept.

WOMEN. A young woman receiving an invitation
to a man's supper, tea, or dinner, may
accept, if she has the consent of her mother
or chaperone, and is assured that a chaperone
will be present.

WOMEN--THEATRE. Women receiving an invitation
from a man for the theatre should have
the consent of mother or chaperone, and when
they accept, may, with propriety, request
their escort not to provide a carriage unless
full dress on their part is requested.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS--INVITATIONS.
AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL)--INVITATIONS.

AT HOMES.
See AT HOMES--INVITATIONS.

BACHELORS' DINNERS.
See BACHELORS' DINNERS--INVITATIONS.

BACHELORS' TEAS.
See BACHELORS' TEAS--INVITATIONS.

BALLS.
See BALLS--INVITATIONS.

BREAKFASTS.
See BREAKFASTS--INVITATIONS.

BRIDE.
See BRIDE--INVITATIONS.

CHRISTENINGS.
See CHRISTENINGS--INVITATIONS.

COTILLIONS.
See COTILLIONS--INVITATIONS.
See COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS--INVITATIONS.

MUSICALES.
See MUSICALES--INVITATIONS.

PALL-BEARERS.
See PALL-BEARERS--INVITATIONS.

PARTIES.
See PARTIES--INVITATIONS.

TELEPHONE.
See TELEPHONE INVITATIONS.

THEATRE.
See THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIES
GIVEN BY MEN--INVITATIONS.

VERBAL.
See VERBAL INVITATIONS.



IVORY WEDDING. This is the thirtieth wedding anniversary,
and is not usually celebrated. If,
however, it is done, the invitations may bear
the words: NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and in accepting
or declining the invitation congratulations
may be extended. Any article of ivory is appropriate
as a gift. An entertainment is usually
provided.



JEWELRY--MEN. Jewelry, except the very plainest,
should not be worn, and in general the less
the better. A display of diamonds and fancy
jewelry betrays the poor taste of the wearer.

A man wearing the pins and badges of
secret societies should see that they are small
and unobtrusive, for in jewelry, as in all
matters of dress, quality rather than quantity
is to be desired.



JR. When the son is named after the father, he
adds Jr. to his name. Upon the death of the
father he omits it. This abbreviation is
sometimes added to a woman's name on her
card when her husband has the same name as
his father, and it is necessary to distinguish
between the cards of the daughter-in-law
and the mother-in-law.

If the mother-in-law should become a
widow and wish to retain the husband's
baptismal name, she should add Sr., while
her daughter would erase Jr.

If both become widows, and wish to
retain their husband's Christian names, the
daughter-in-law should add Jr.



JUSTICE OF THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT--HOW
ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir,
and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain
your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Justice Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Mr. Justice
John J. Wilson.



KING OF ENGLAND--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Sir, may it please your Majesty, and
ends: I have the honor to remain your Majesty's
most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir, and ends:
I have the honor to remain your Majesty's
most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To His
Most Gracious Majesty, King Edward.



KISS, WEDDING. The kiss in the wedding ceremony
is being done away with, especially at church
weddings. Only the bride's parents and her
most intimate friends should kiss her, and
for others to do so is no longer good form.



KNIFE AND FORK. The knife is always held in the
right hand, and is only used for cutting the
food. The fork is used not only in eating
fish, meat, vegetables, and made dishes, but
also ices, frozen puddings, melons, salads,
oysters, clams, lobsters, and terrapin.

The knife should never be used to carry
food to the mouth.

See also SPOON.



KNIGHT--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
sir, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir John Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, dear Sir John,
faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope is: To Sir
John Wilson.

WIFE OF. See Wife of Knight.



LAUNDRESS--TIPS. Guests at the end of a house
party do not tip the laundress unless she has
done special work for them.



LEATHER WEDDING. This is the twelfth anniversary
of the wedding-day, and is not usually observed.
If, however, it is observed, the invitations
may bear the words: No presents
received, and congratulations may be extended
in its acceptance or declination. Any
article of leather would be an appropriate
gift. An entertainment usually follows.



LETTERS.

ADDRESSING.
See ADDRESSING AND SIGNING LETTERS,
and also under title of person addressed
--as, GOVERNOR, MAYOR, etc.

WRITTEN AFTER HOUSE PARTIES. If the visit
has been more than two days in length, a
guest should write to the hostess a short
letter, telling of his pleasant visit and safe
journey home.

CONCLUSION OF. See CONCLUSION OF A LETTER.

OF CONDOLENCE. See CONDOLENCE, LETTERS OF.

OF INTRODUCTION. See INTRODUCTION, LETTERS OF.



LETTUCE leaves should not be cut, but folded up with
a fork, and then lifted to the mouth. In the
event of these being too large for this treatment,
they should be broken into suitable
pieces with the fork.



LICENSE, MARRIAGE. A license, when required by
State law, should be obtained by the groom
and handed to the officiating clergyman the
day before the ceremony. Usually a small fee
is charged, and the details, when entered upon
the clerk's records, are open to public inspection.
The day need not be named, and until
the marriage is solemnized the license has no
binding effect.



LUNCHEONS. Usually only women are invited to
these entertainments. Oddities, such as pink,
blue, and yellow luncheons, are not in good
taste. They should be as simple as possible.

Informal luncheons are the same as informal
breakfasts. A more formal luncheon
is proper when introducing a special guest.

Small tables are used, and diagrams of their
arrangement are placed in the dressing-room,
designating the places of the guests.

CALLS. Calls should be made a week after
entertainment.

WOMEN. Women dress in visiting toilettes and
wear their bonnets, laying aside their wraps
in the dressing-room. Gloves should be removed
at table.

After coffee, the guests should take their
leave, making some gracious remark to the
hostess.

Calls should be made a week after the
entertainment.

GIVEN BY BACHELORS. See Bachelors' Luncheons.

GUESTS. Only women, as a rule, attend luncheons.
For further details, see LUNCHEONS--WOMEN.

HOSTESS. Introductions take place in the parlor.
At the appointed hour the hostess leads the
way to the drawing-room, followed by the
guests.

The hostess and principal guest should sit
at one of the centre-tables. Between the
courses the hostess and two of the women
seated with her rise and change seats with
others. This may be done by others also if
they desire. They take their napkins with
them.

HOURS. The hour is from 1 to 2 P.M.

INTRODUCTIONS. Introductions take place in the
parlor.

INVITATIONS. Cards are engraved, and sent two
weeks in advance.

MEN--LEAVING CARDS. If men are invited, they
should, after a luncheon, leave a card for host
and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted
or not; or it may be sent by mail or
messenger, with an apology for so doing.



MAIDS--TIPS. It is customary for guests leaving
after a visit at a private house to remember
the maid who has taken care of the room
by giving her a reasonable tip. A woman
should give more for extra attention.



MAID OF HONOR. This important person is selected
by the bride, and acts for her in all details,
being virtually mistress of ceremonies and filling
a position requiring administrative ability
and tact. She acts in the same capacity as
the best man does for the groom.

She is invited, of course, to the dinner
given by the bride to the bridesmaids.

She fulfils whatever duties the bride has
been unable, from press of time, to attend to
--as, making calls, etc.

CHURCH. She goes to the church with one of
the parents of the bride, and meets the bride
and the bridesmaids in the vestibule. In the
procession she follows behind the bridesmaids,
and precedes the flower girl, if there
is one--otherwise the bride. On their arrival
at the altar she takes her place by the side of
the bride, and is ready at the plighting of the
troth to take the bride's glove and bouquet,
and returns them to her at the end of the
ceremony.

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