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The Book of Good Manners

W >> W. C. Green >> The Book of Good Manners




WEDDING RECEPTION. The clergyman should
always be invited to the reception.



CLUB.

ADDRESS. If residing at a club, a man's visiting-
card should have his club's name in the lower
right-hand corner; if not, the name should
be put in lower left-hand corner.

STATIONERY. This is always in good form for
social correspondence by men.



COACHING. See DRIVING.



COACHMAN-TIPS. It is customary when a guest
leaves a house party after a visit to give the
coachman a tip.



COLLEGE DEGREES. Custom, good taste, and the fitness
of things forbid a college man having engraved,
on his visiting-card, his college degrees--as,
A.B., A.M., etc.



COMMERCE, Secretary of--How Addressed. An official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir,
the honor to remain your most obedient servant.
A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely
yours.
The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of Commerce.



COMMITTEES-PUBLIC BALLS. Public balls are conducted
like private ones, and the etiquette is the
same for the guests. The difference in their
management is that, in place of a hostess, her
functions and duties are filled by committees
selected by the organization giving the ball.



CONCLUSION OF A LETTER. The standard conclusions of
letters are: I remain sincerely yours, or; Believe
me faithfully yours.

For business correspondence the standard
conclusions are: Yours truly, or; Very truly yours.

For relatives and dear friends the standard
forms are: Affectionately yours, or; Devotedly yours.

One should avoid signing a letter with only initials,
Christian name, surnames, or diminutives.


MEN. In writing formally on business to a
woman he knows slightly, a man could say:
I am respectfully yours. When not on business
he could write: I beg to remain yours to command.

He should avoid a signature like: J. Jones
Wilson, but write: James J. Wilson

WOMEN. In social correspondence a married woman should
sign: Minnie Wilson, and not: Mrs. John Wilson.
If she wants to make known in a business letter
the fact of her being married, and may not know
if the person addressed knows the fact, she may write:
Minnie Wilson
(Mrs. John Wilson)
An unmarried woman would sign her name as:
Minnie Wilson, and if wishing not to be taken
for a widow would sign: Miss Minnie Wilson.



CONDOLENCE.

CALLS. When death occurs in the family of a friend,
one should call in person and make kindly
inquiries for the family and leave a card,
but should not ask to see those in trouble
unless a very near and dear acquaintanceship warrants.

For a very intimate acquaintance, cut flowers
may be left in person or sent, together
with a card, unless the request has been made
to send none.

CARDS. A visiting-card is used with the word
CONDOLENCE written on it, and should be left
in person if possible, but may be sent or
mailed to intimate friends only if accompanied
by a note of apology. If out of town, it
should be sent by mail with letter of condolence.

A MR. and MRS. card may be used at any
time for condolence, except for intimate
friends.

LETTERS. Only the most intimate and dear
friends should send letters of condolence, and
they may send flowers with the note unless
the request has been made to send none.



CONGRATULATIONS.

BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF. If wishing to
send congratulations after a birth, cards
should be left in person or sent by messenger.
Cut flowers may be sent with the card.

CARDS. A MR. and MRS. card can be used at any
time for congratulations. If left in person,
which is preferable, the card should be accompanied
by a kindly message, and, if sent
by mail or messenger' the word CONGRATULATIONS
should be written on it. Business and professional
men are not required to make personal calls, and
so may send their cards. A Mr. and Mrs. card can
be used for all but near friends.

When a card is left in person, with a message
of congratulations, nothing should be
written thereon.

A man may mail his card to a woman engaged
to be married, if acquaintance warrants
the action.

Congratulations upon the birth of a child
may be expressed by a man to its father by
sending a card with the word Congratulations
written on it, or by leaving it in
person.

A card should be mailed to a man engaged
to be married.

WEDDINGS. Congratulations may be sent with
letter of acceptance or declination to a wedding
to those sending the invitations. And
if acquaintance with bride and groom warrant,
a note of congratulations may be sent to
them also.

Guests in personal conversation with the
latter give best wishes to the bride and
congratulations to the groom.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. In accepting or
declining invitations to wedding anniversaries,
congratulations may be extended.



CONVERSATION AT DINNERS. Aim at bright and general
conversation, avoiding all personalities and
any subject that all cannot join in. This
is largely determined by the character of the
company. The guests should accommodate
themselves to their surroundings.



COOKS-TIPS. It is customary for men who have
been guests at a house party when they
leave to remember the cook by sending her
a tip.



CORN ON THE COB is eaten with the fingers of one hand.
A good plan is to cut off the kernels and eat
them with the aid of a fork.



CORNER OF CARD TURNED DOWN. This is no longer
done by persons when calling and leaving
cards.



CORRESPONDENCE. How to address official and social
letters. See under title of person addressed
--as, ARCHBISHOP, etc.



COSTUME BALLS.--INVITATIONS. Invitations are similar
to invitations to balls, except that they have
in place of DANCING in the lower left-hand
corner. COSTUME OF THE XVIIIth CENTURY, BAL
MASQUE, OR BAL POUDRE.



COTILLIONS. Germans are less formal than balls.
Supper precedes the dancing. Those who
do not dance or enjoy it can leave before
that time.

The etiquette is the same as for balls.

DRESS. The regulation evening dress is worn.

HOSTESS. The rules governing a hostess when
giving a ball are the same for a cotillion,
with this addition--that there should be an
even number of men and women, and, failing
this, more men than women.

It is for the hostess to choose the leader
of the cotillion, and to him are entrusted all
its details.

At the conclusion of the cotillion the hostess
stands at the door with the leader at
her side, to receive the greetings and the compliments
of the guests.

See also BALLS--HOSTESS.

INVITATIONS. The invitations are engraved, and the
hour for beginning is placed in the lower
left-hand corner, and are sent out two weeks
in advance. They may be sent in one envelope.

Such invitations should be promptly accepted
or declined.



COTILIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS. These are given by leading
society women, who subscribe to a fund
sufficient to pay all expenses of the
entertainment. They are usually held in some
fashionable resort where suitable
accommodations can be had.

Guests are shown to the cloak-room, where
attendants check their wraps.

After the supper, the German, or cotillion,
begins. Those not dancing in this generally
retire. When leaving, guests should take
leave especially of the patroness inviting
them.

DRESS. Full dress is worn by all.

INVITATIONS. The patronesses whose names appear
on the back of the cards are the subscribers.
They send out the invitations to
their friends. A presentation card, to be
shown at the door, is sent with the invitation.

MEN. Men wear evening dress.

The men wait upon their partners and
themselves at the table, the waiters assisting,
unless small tables are used, when the
patronesses sit by themselves, and others form
groups as they like. The guests are served
by the waiters, as at a dinner.

When retiring, guests should take leave
especially of the patroness inviting them.

PATRONESSES. The patronesses stand in line to
receive the guests, bowing or shaking hands
as they prefer.

When supper is announced, the leading
patroness leads the way with her escort, the
others following. If small tables are used,
the patronesses sit by themselves.

WOMEN. Women wear full dress.

When guests depart, they should take
leave especially of the patroness inviting
them.



COUNTESS--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the honor to
remain your Ladyship's most obedient servant.
The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable The Countess of Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Kent,
sincerely yours.

The address is: To the Countess of Kent.



COUNTRY CALLS. The usual rule in calling is for the
residents to call first upon the temporary
cottage people, and between these latter the
early comers call first upon those coming
later.

In the city there is no necessity for
neighbors to call upon each other.



CRACKERS should be broken into small pieces and
eaten with the fingers.



CRESTS. If men and women wish, these may be
stamped in the latest fashionable colors on
their stationery. It is not customary to use
a crest and a stamped address on the same
paper.

The present fashion in crests is that they
should be of small size.

It is not usual to stamp the crest on the
flap of the envelope.

If sealing-wax is used, some dull color
should be chosen.

A person should avoid all individual
eccentricities and oddities in stamping, such
as facsimile autographs, etc.



CRYSTAL WEDDINGS. This anniversary comes after
fifteen years of married life, and the
invitations may bear the words: No presents
received, and on their acceptance or declination,
congratulations may be extended. An
entertainment should be provided for. Any
article of crystal or glass is appropriate as a
gift.



DANCES.

CARRIAGES. A man should secure his carriage-check
when leaving his carriage. It is safer
to take wraps and coats to the house in case
of accidents.

When taking a woman wearing evening
dress to a ball or dance, a man should
provide a carriage.

DEBUTANTE. See DANCES--WOMEN--DEBUTANTE.

DRESS. Evening dress is worn by men and
women.

DINNER INVITATIONS. The hostess issues two
sets of invitations--one for those invited to
both dinner and dance, and one for those
invited to the dance only.

For the former, the hostess should use her
usual engraved dinner cards, with the written
words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter
her usual engraved At Home cards, with the
written words: Dancing at eleven.

A less formal way is to use, instead of
the At Home card, a Mr. and Mrs. card,
or Mrs. And Miss card, with the following
written in the lower left-hand corner:
Dancing at ten. March the second. R. S. V. P.

INVITATIONS. These should be acknowledged
by an acceptance, or declined, with a note of
regret within one week.

MEN. ASKING A WOMAN TO DANCE. A man
asks for the privilege of a dance, either with
the daughter of the hostess or with any guest
of the latter or any young woman receiving
with her.

On being introduced to a woman, he may
ask her for a dance, and he should be prompt
in keeping his appointment.

It is her privilege to end the dance, and,
when it is ended, he should conduct her to
her chaperone, or, failing that, he should find
her a seat--after which he is at perfect liberty
to go elsewhere.

If for any cause a man has to break his
engagements to dance, he should personally
explain the matter to every woman with
whom he has an engagement and make a
suitable apology.

DEBUTANTE. At a debutante's reception the
first partner is selected by the mother, usually
the nearest and dearest friend, who
dances but once, and the others follow.

INVITATIONS. Invitations to balls or assemblies
should be answered immediately; if declined,
the ticket should be returned. A man should
call or leave cards a few days before the
affair.

SUPPER. At balls and assemblies where small
tables are provided, a man should not sit
alone with his partner, but make up a party
in advance, and keep together.

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her
table, she should provide a partner for him.

At supper the senior patroness leads the
way, escorted by the man honored for the
occasion.

If one large table is provided, the men,
assisted by the waiters, serve the women.
When small tables are used the patronesses
generally sit by themselves, and the
guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.

TRONESSES. Their duties are varied and
responsible--among them, the subscription to
the expenses of the entertainments.

The patronesses should be divided into
various committees to attend to special duties
--as, music, caterers, supper arrangements,
the ball-room, and all other details.

While affairs of this kind could be left in
the hands of those employed to carry out the
details, it is better and safer for each committee
to follow the various matters out to the
smallest details.

Those devising new features and surprises
for such an occasion will give the most successful ball.

The one most active and having the best
business ability should take the lead.

Lists should be compared, in order to avoid
duplicate invitations.

The tickets should be divided among the
patronesses, who, in turn, distribute them
among their friends.

The patronesses should be at the ball-room
in ample time before the arrival of the guests,
to see that all is in readiness.

They should stand together beside the entrance
to welcome the guests. They should
see, as far as possible, that the proper introductions
are made, and that every one is enjoying
the evening, their own pleasure coming last.

If time permits, a hasty introduction to
the patroness beside her may be made by a
patroness, but it should not be done if there
is the slightest possibility of blocking up the
entrance.

A nod of recognition here and there, or a
shake of the hands with some particular
friend, is all that is necessary. Prolonged
conversation should be avoided.

A patroness should not worry over the
affair, or leave anything to be done at the last
minute. If she has to worry, she should
not show it, lest she interfere with the pleasure
of others.

They should be the last to leave as well as
the first to arrive, to see that the affair closes
brilliantly.

SUPPER. The senior patroness leads the way
to supper, escorted by the man honored for
the occasion.

If one large table is provided, the men,
assisted by the waiters, serve the women.
When small tables are used, the patronesses
generally sit by themselves, and the guests
group themselves to their own satisfaction.

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her
table, she should provide a partner for him,
and in case of a previous engagement, he
should notify her by mail.

WOMEN. A woman should always keep any engagement made,
if possible. If, for a good
reason, it is desired to break one, she should
do so in ample time to enable the man to
secure a partner.

It is bad form to refuse one partner for a
dance and to accept another for the same
dance afterward. After refusing to dance, a
woman should lose that dance unless previously engaged.

A woman may refuse to dance at a public
entertainment.

A young woman chaperoned should not accept a man's invitation,
unless he first asks
permission of her chaperone.

It is not good taste to keep late hours at an
informal dance.

In round dances the man supports the
woman with his right arm around the waist,
taking care not to hold her too closely. Her
right hand is extended, held by his left hand,
and her left hand is on his arm or shoulder,
her head erect.

When tired, the woman should indicate a
desire to stop dancing.

When the dancing ends, the woman takes
her partner's arm and strolls about a few minutes.
He then conducts her to her seat by
her chaperone, and, after a few remarks, excuses himself.

When supper is announced, and the young
woman and her chaperone are in conversation
with the man who danced with her last, they
should accept his offer as escort if they are
not already provided with one.

If a woman is without escort when supper
is announced, she must rely upon attendants
or members of the host's family.

At balls and assemblies where small tables
are provided for the supper, the woman should
not sit alone at a table with her partner, but
she should have others present also.

DEBUTANTE. At a debutante's reception the
first partner is selected by the mother, usually
the nearest and dearest friend, who dances
but once with her, and the others follow.



DANCES (FORMAL).

HOST. When supper is announced, the host
leads the way with his partner, followed by
hostess and escort, the rest following.

HOSTESS. She should limit the number of guests
to the capacity of the house.

Invitations should include more men than
women, for some men may not attend, and
of those who do come, some may not
dance.

An awning and carpet should be spread
from curb to steps. The man stationed at
the curb should open carriage doors for
arriving and departing guests, distribute carriage-
checks, and tell the drivers at what
hour to return.

The servant opening the door directs the
guests to their respective dressing-rooms.

A small orchestra should be provided and
concealed behind palms or flowers.

In the absence of polished floors, carpets
should be covered with linen crash, tightly
and securely laid, in order to stand the strain
of dancing.

Friends may assist in taking care of the
guests, making introductions, etc.

SUPPER. Supper may be served at one large
table or many small ones, as desired.



DANCES (INFORMAL). Dances of this character lack all
possible formality. The invitations may be
written or verbal.

Piano music is all that is required, played
by one of the family or a professional.

Refreshments of a suitable nature are provided.

See also Chaperone. Dances.



DANCING.

INTRODUCTIONS. The man must be introduced
to the woman, and should ask her for the
pleasure of a dance.

MEN. A man should greet the host as soon as
possible after seeing the hostess.

At any function where patronesses are
present, a man should bow to the one inviting him,
and give her a few words of greeting.

At balls all men should dance, and those
who do not, have no place there, though
invited.

If a man comes alone and has no partner,
he should seek hostess or assistants, and request
an introduction to women who dance.

After a dance a man should take a short
stroll about the room with his partner before
returning to her chaperone. Before retiring
he may converse with her in general terms,
from which he should have refrained previously.

A man escorting one or more women
should see that they are cared for when supper
is announced.

A man in conversation with a woman when
supper is announced, if she is not engaged,
may offer to take her into supper. Her
chaperone should be invited at the same
time.

Introductions should be made as much as
possible before the dancing begins.

If introduced to a young woman, and she
is free of engagement for the next dance, the
man should invite her to dance.

Before asking a chaperoned woman to
dance, the man should ask permission of her
chaperone.

A man should pay especial attention to the
women of the house, and invite them to
dance as early as possible.

A man should seek out those women who,
for some reason, are neglected by selfish
men, especially unmarried women, and invite
them to dance.

Men should keep engagements a few minutes
before each dance.

If for some good reason it is desired to
break an engagement, it should be done so
as to leave ample time for the other to secure
a partner for that dance.

In round dances, the man supports the
woman with right arm about her waist, taking
care not to hold her too closely. His left
hand holds her right one, both extended.

The woman should indicate when she desires
to stop dancing.

All persons should be at a formal dance
not later than half an hour after the hour set.

A man should secure his carriage-check.
It is safer to take wraps and coats to the
house in case of accidents.

GLOVES. Gloves should be worn at formal
dances, and should be put on before entering
the room.

SHAKING HANDS. It is not customary to shake
hands at formal dances.

SMOKING. Smoking should not be allowed in
the dressing-room, but a special room should
be provided. Men who dance should not
smoke until leaving the house.

WOMEN. The time for the formal dance is indicated
on the invitation, and all should be
there not later than half an hour after the
time set.

At private dances the maid takes and calls
for the young woman in the absence of a male
escort.

Young women should be chaperoned at all
formal dances by their mother or others.

Introductions should be made as much as
possible before the dancing begins.



DAUGHTERS.

CARDS. The card of the eldest daughter in
society is simply Miss Wilson, and upon her
death or marriage the card of the next
daughter becomes the same. Where there
are unmarried aunts and cousins having the
father's name, only the eldest daughter of
the eldest man can use the form Miss Wilson.

If two or more sisters enter society at
about the same time, their names may appear
on their mother's card as The Misses Wilson.

The name of the younger daughter should
appear in full on her mother's card--as, Miss
Mary Jane Wilson.

Until the younger daughter has formally,
made her debut, she visits only intimate
friends of the family. After her debut she
has no card, and her full baptismal name
appears on her mother's card, beneath her
name, and not until a year or two after her
first appearance does she have a card of her
own.

When a mother leaves her daughter's card,
it is for the hostess only.

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