Rudyard Kipling - "Soldiers Three"

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The Book of Good Manners

W >> W. C. Green >> The Book of Good Manners




Men of leisure should leave their own
cards, while business men can have them
left by the women of the family.

The corner of the card should not be
turned down.

Cards are now left in the hall by the servant
and the caller is announced. In business
calls the card is taken to the person for
whom the caller asked.

When calling, a man should leave a card
whether the hostess is at home or not.

P. P. C. card's may be left in person or
sent by mail upon departure from city, or
on leaving winter or summer resort.

When a man calls upon a young woman
whom a hostess is entertaining, he should
leave cards for both.

When a man calls upon another man, if he
is not at home, he should leave a card.

When a man calls on the hostess but not
the host he should leave a card for him.
If the hostess is out, he should leave two
cards--one for each.

BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man
should leave a card the day after a breakfast,
luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess,
whether the invitation was accepted or not.
They may also be sent by mail or messenger,
with an apology for so doing.

BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. Shortly after receiving
an invitation to a subscription ball, a man
should leave a card for the patroness inviting
him.

DEBUTANTE. When calling upon a debutante a
man should leave cards for her mother,
whether the entertainment was attended or
not.

ENTERTAINMENT BY MEN. After a man's formal
entertainment for men, a man should leave a
card within one week, whether the event was
attended or not. It can be sent by mail or
messenger.

RECEPTION. When the host and hostess receive
together, a man should leave one card for
both, and if not present at the reception, he
should send two cards.

THEATRE. After a theatre party given by a
man, he should call within three days on the
woman he escorted or leave his card.

WEDDING RECEPTION. After a wedding reception
a man should leave a card for the host
and hostess, and another for the bridal
couple.

If a man has been invited to the church
but not to the wedding reception, he should
leave a card for the bride's parents and the
bridal couple, or should mail a card.

SENDING BY MAIL, OR MESSENGER. After an
entertainment a man should call in person on
host and hostess, whether the invitation was
accepted or not. If a card is mailed or sent,
it should be accompanied with an apology.

At the beginning of the season a man
should leave cards for all those whose entertainments
he is in the habit of attending, or
on whom he pays social calls. These cards
may also be mailed. If left in person, there
should be one for each member of the household
or only two cards.

In the former case, there should be left one
card for the host, one for the hostess, one for
the "misses," and one for the rest of the
family and the guest.

If a man is unable to make a formal call
upon a debutante and her mother at her
debut, he should send his card by mail or
messenger.

A man may mail his card to a woman
engaged to be married, if acquaintance
warrants.

Visitors to town should send cards to every
one whom they desire to see. The address
should be written on them.

AFTERNOON TEA. If a man is unable to be
present at an afternoon tea, he should send a
card the same afternoon.

BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man
should leave a card the day after a breakfast,
luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess,
whether the invitation was accepted or not.
They may be sent by mail or messenger with
an apology for so doing.

ENTERTAINMENT BY MEN. After a man's formal
entertainment for men, a man should leave a
card within one week, whether the event was
attended or not. It can be sent by mail or
messenger.

P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or messenger
upon departure from city, or on leaving
winter or summer resort.

RECEPTION. When the host and hostess receive
together, a man should leave one card for
both, and, if not present at the reception, he
should send two cards.

WEDDING RECEPTION. If a man has been invited
to the church but not the wedding
reception, he should leave or mail a card to
the bride's parents, and also to the bridal
couple.

STYLE. The full name should be used, and if
too long, the initials only. The club address
is put in the lower left-hand corner, and if
not living at a club, the home address should
be in lower right-hand corner. In the absence
of a title, Mr. is always used on an
engraved but not a written card.

Cards should be engraved in plain letter,
according to prevailing fashion.

Facsimile cards engraved are no longer
used.

Written cards are in bad taste, but in case
of necessity they may be used. The name
should be written in full if not too long, and
should be the autograph of the sender.

Messages or writing should not appear on
men's cards. If address is changed, new
cards should be engraved. In an emergency
only the new address may be written.

MOURNING CARDS are the same size as visiting-
cards, and a black border is used--the width
to be regulated by the relationship of the
deceased relative.

MEN--STYLE, TITLES. Men having titles use
them before their names--as, Reverend, Rev.,
Mr., Dr., Army and Navy titles, and officers
on retired list. L.L.D. and all professional
titles are placed after the name. Political
and judicial titles are always omitted.

Physicians may use Dr. before or M.D.
after the name. On cards intended for social
use, office hours and other professional
matter are omitted.

MR. AND MRS. See MR. AND MRS. CARDS.

P. P. C. See P. P. C. CARDS.

SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER. If after
accepting an invitation it is necessary to
decline, a card should be sent the evening of
the entertainment, with an explanatory note
the day following.

When an invitation has been received to
an "At Home" debut, and one has not been
able to attend, cards should be sent by mail
or messenger, to arrive at the time of the
ceremony.

A card should be mailed to a man engaged
to be married.

AFTERNOON TEAS. The invitations to a formal
afternoon tea are sent a week or ten days in
advance by mail or messenger. No reply is
necessary, but if unable to be present, a card
should be sent the day of the entertainment.

For an afternoon tea a visiting-card may
be used, with the hour for the "tea" written
or engraved over the date beneath the fixed
day of that week. They may be sent by mail
or messenger.

Persons unable to attend should send cards
the same afternoon.

BIRTH (ANNOUNCEMENT). If wishing to congratulate
after a birth, cards should be left in
person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers
may be sent with the card.

CONDOLENCE. After a death in the family of
an acquaintance, a card with the word
Condolence written on it should be left in person or
by messenger. For very intimate acquaintances,
cut flowers may be left in person or
sent, together with a card or letter.

When unable to leave in person a card
with Condolence written on it, send it to intimate
friends only with a note of apology. If
out of town, it should be sent with a letter of
condolence.

TRAVELERS. A woman visiting a place for a
length of time should mail to her friends a
visiting-card which contains her temporary
address.

A man in similar situation should call upon
his friends, and if he does not find them at
home, should leave his card.

WEDDING INVITATIONS. Those present at the
ceremony should leave cards for those inviting
them, and if this is not possible, they can
be sent by mail or messenger.

Those invited but not present should send
cards.

WIDOW. See WIDOWS--CARDS.

WIFE. Only the wife of the oldest member of
the oldest branch may use her husband's
name without the initials.

WOMEN. Mrs. or Miss should always be used
before the names. The cards of single
women are smaller than those of married
women.

The husband's name should be used in
full, unless too long, when the initials are
used. Only the wife of the oldest member
of the oldest branch may use her husband's
name without initials.

Reception days should appear in the lower
left-hand corner, limiting dates--as, Until
Lent, or in January, may be either engraved
or written.

If a special function is allotted to any
reception days--as, the entertaining of special
guests--the hour of the reception day may be
written above the day and the date beneath it.

DAUGHTERS. See DAUGHTERS--CARDS.

LEAVING IN PERSON--BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF.
If wishing to send congratulations,
after receipt of a birth announcement card,
cards should be left in person or sent by a
messenger; cut flowers may be sent with the
card.

Before the wedding cards are issued, an
engaged woman should leave her card
personally upon her friends without entering the
house.

When calling at the beginning of the season
a woman should leave her own card,
those of the men of the family, and two of
her husband's.

After formal invitations, a woman should
leave her own card and those of the men of
the family who were invited, whether they
attended or not.

When calling formally a woman should
leave a card, whether the hostess is at home
or not.

When a woman calls upon a well-known
friend, it is not necessary to send up a card.

When making a call at a hotel or other
public place, the name of the person called
upon should be written in the upper left-
hand corner of the card--as:

For Mrs. Jane Wilson

The corner of the card should not be
turned down.

P. P. C. cards may be left in person or
sent by mail upon departure from city, or
on leaving winter or summer resort.

The corner of the card should not be
turned down.

RECEPTION. At receptions a woman should
leave the cards in the hall or hand them to
the servant.

At a "coming-out reception" a woman
should leave cards for the mother and
daughter.

A married man returns his social obligations
to women by personal calls, or his wife
can do it for him by leaving his card with
her own.

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER. After her debut the
younger of the two daughters has no card of
her own, as her full baptismal name appears
on her mother's card beneath her name. A
year after her first appearance she may have
a card of her own.

When a mother leaves her daughter's card,
it is for the hostess only.

If reception day appear on the mother's
card, the daughters also receive on that date,
as the daughters have no reception days of
their own.

MOTHER AND SON. When a mother is calling,
she can leave cards of her son for the host
and hostess if it is impossible for him to do so
himself.

A son entering society can have his cards
left by his mother upon a host and hostess.
Invitations to entertainments will follow.

RETURNING TO TOWN. Cards of the entire
family should be sent by mail to all
acquaintances when returning after a
prolonged absence.

When using cards, if out of town, the
place of a woman's permanent residence can
be written on the card--thus: New York.
Philadelphia.

SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER. A woman
visiting a place for a length of time should
mail to her friends her visiting-card
containing her temporary address.

P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or
messenger upon departure from city, or
on leaving winter or summer resort.

After a change of residence the cards of
the entire family should be sent out as soon
as possible.

At the beginning of the season both married
and single women should send their cards
to all their acquaintances.

Visitors to town should send cards to every
one whom they desire to see, with the address
written on the cards.

For afternoon tea a visiting-card may be
used. The hour for the tea is written or
engraved over, and the date beneath the fixed
day of the week. They may be sent by mail
or messenger.

The cards of a debutante may be sent by
mail or messenger.

Mourning cards should be sent to indicate
temporary retirement from society. Later
cards should be sent to indicate return to
society.

AFTERNOON TEA. If a woman is unable to be
present at an afternoon tea she should send
her card the same afternoon.

WEDDING RECEPTION. When invitations have
been received to the church but not to the
wedding reception, cards should be sent to
the bride's parents and to the bridal couple.

WOMEN--STYLE, TITLES. Women having titles
should use them before the name--as,
Reverend or Rev. Mrs. Smith. Physicians use Dr.
before or M.D. after the name. Office hours
and other professional matters are omitted on
cards for social use. Husband's titles should
never be used. The home address is put in
the lower right-hand and the club address in
the lower left-hand corner.

The card of the eldest daughter in society
is simply Miss Wilson.



CARDS OF ADMISSION TO CHURCH WEDDINGS. These
cards are used at all public weddings held in
churches, and when they are used no one
should be admitted to the church without
one. They are sent with the wedding invitations.



CARRIAGES.

BALLS. See BALLS-CARRIAGES.

DANCES. See DANCES-CARRIAGES.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS-CARRIAGES.

MEN. In a general way a man should provide a
carriage when escorting a woman in evening
dress to any function. If she does not wear
evening dress, and they are going to an informal
affair, it would be proper to take a
street-car.

SUPPERS. See SUPPER AND THEATRE PARTIES--MEN--CARRIAGES.

THEATRES. See THEATRES AND OPERA PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN--CARRIAGES.

WOMEN. A woman accepting, with her mother's
or chaperone's consent, a man's invitation to
the theatre may, with propriety, request him
not to provide a carriage unless full dress on
her part is requested.



CATHOLIC PRIEST--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I
have the honor to remain your humble servant.
A social letter begins: Dear Father Wilson,
and ends: I beg to remain faithfully yours,
The address on the envelope is: The Reverend
John J. Wilson. But if he holds the
degree of D.D. (Doctor of Divinity), the
address is: Reverend John J. Wilson, D.D.,
or Reverend Dr. John J. Wilson.



CELERY is eaten with the fingers.



CHANGE OF RESIDENCE. WOMEN. After a change of
residence, the cards of the entire family
should be sent out as soon as possible.



CHAPERONE. A chaperone takes precedence of her
charge in entering drawing or dancing rooms
and on ceremonious occasions. At an entertainment
both enter together, and the chaperone
should introduce her protege to the
hostess and to others. The two should remain
together during the evening. In a
general way the chaperon takes under her
charge the social welfare of her protege.

BALLS. A mother should attend balls with her
daughters, going and returning with them,
and if she is not invited, it is in good taste
for the daughters to decline the invitation.
A father can act as escort, if need be, instead
of the mother. A mother can delegate her
powers to some one else when requested to
act as a chaperone.

MEN CALLING. A man should ask the chaperone's
permission to call upon her protege,
and once it is granted no further permission
is necessary. The chaperone should be present
while a debutante receives male callers
the first year, and when the first call is made
she should be present throughout the evening
and should decide as to the necessity
of her presence during subsequent visits.

CARDS. A chaperone introducing and accompanying
young women should leave her own
card with that of her protege.

DANCES. The chaperone should give her
permission to a man who desires to dance,
promenade, or go to supper with her charge,
who should not converse with him at length
save at the chaperon's side, and the chaperon
should accompany both to supper. If without
an escort, the young woman may accept
the invitation of her last partner before
supper is announced.

INTRODUCTIONS. A man should never be introduced
direct by card or letter to a young
unmarried woman. If he desires to be
introduced, the letter or card of introduction
should be addressed to her chaperone or
mother, who may then introduce him to the
young woman if she deems it advisable.

At an entertainment a chaperone may ask
a young man if he wishes to be introduced
to the one under her care.

LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. A man having a
letter of introduction to a young woman
should present it in person to the chaperone.
If the latter is out when he calls, he should
mail it to her, and she may then notify him
when he may call, and should herself be
present.

SUPPER, TEA, DINNER. A young woman receiving an
invitation to a man's supper, tea,
or dinner may accept if she has the consent
of her mother or chaperone, and is assured
that a chaperone will be present.

THEATRES. A chaperone's permission should be
asked before a man's invitation to the theatre
can be accepted. The chaperone can also
accept, on behalf of her protege, invitations
from men to theatre parties or suppers,
if she too is invited.

The chaperone should be present at mixed
theatre parties--one for small, and two or
more for larger parties and suppers. The
chaperones may use their own carriage to
call for the guests, and then meet the men at
the places of entertainment. The chaperone
should say when the entertainment shall
close.

UNABLE TO BE PRESENT. When a chaperone
is unable to fulfill her duties, she may delegate
them to another, provided it is agreeable
to all concerned.



CHEESE is first cut into small bits, then placed on
pieces of bread or cracker, and lifted by the
fingers to the mouth.



CHINA WEDDING. This is the twentieth wedding anniversary,
and is not usually celebrated; but
if it is, the invitation may bear the words
NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and congratulations may
be extended in accepting or declining the
invitation. An entertainment is usually
provided for. Any article of china is appropriate
as a gift.



CHOIR-BOYS AT WEDDINGS. These form a brilliant
addition to a church wedding, and when
employed they meet the bridal party in the
vestibule, and precede them to the altar,
singing a hymn or other appropriate selection.



CHRISTENING.

DRESS. The mother wears an elaborate reception
gown to the church, with white gloves and
a light hat or bonnet.

If the ceremony is at the house, she can
wear an elaborate tea-gown.

The guests wear afternoon or evening
dress, according whether the ceremony comes
before or after 6 P.M.

FLOWERS. A christening ceremony offers a good
opportunity for the guests who desire to
present flowers to the mother. This is not
obligatory, however, and must remain a
matter of personal taste.

GIFTS. A christening ceremony offers a good
opportunity for the invited guests, if they
desire, to send a present to the baby.

These should be sent a day or two before
the ceremony, and if of silver should be
marked with the child's name, initials, or
monogram.

GUESTS. The invitations should be promptly
answered.

At a church ceremony the guests, as they
are few in number, assemble in the front
pews.

At a large house christening the affair is
conducted somewhat like an afternoon reception.
Wine is drunk to the child's health,
and the guests take leave of the hostess.

INVITATIONS are issued by the wife only to intimate
friends, and should be promptly answered.

If the christening is made a formal entertainment,
to take place in the drawing-room,
the invitations may be engraved.

MEN. If the ceremony is in the afternoon they
wear afternoon dress, but at an evening
affair evening dress.

At an afternoon ceremony in the summer
it is allowable for the men to wear straw
hats and light flannel suits.

At a large house christening the affair
should be conducted somewhat like a reception,
and men on departing should take leave
of the hostess.

WOMEN dress as they would for an afternoon reception
if the ceremony comes in the afternoon, and if it comes
after breakfast or luncheon, as they would for a breakfast
or luncheon.

At a large house christening the affair
should be conducted like a reception, and
women should take leave of the hostess on
their departure.

CHURCH. A man usually follows the woman, who
leads to the pew, and he enters after her,
closing the door as he does so.

He should find the places in the service
book for her.

This same courtesy he should extend to a
woman who is a stranger to him.



CLERGYMAN.

CHRISTENING FEES. It is customary to send a
fee to the officiating clergyman, unless he is
a relative or a near friend.

EVENING DRESS. Custom permits a clergyman
to wear his clerical dress at all functions at
which other men wear evening dress; or,
if he wishes, he may also wear the regulation
full dress. The wearing of either is a matter
of taste.

HOW ADDRESSED. All mail and correspondence
should be addressed to Rev. Mr. Smith, but
in conversation a clergyman should be addressed
as Mr. Smith. If he has received the degree of D.D.
(Doctor of Divinity)from some educational institution,
then he is addressed as Dr. Smith, and his mail should
be addressed as Rev. Dr. Smith.

WEDDING CEREMONY. The officiating clergyman (minister or priest)
is selected by the bride, who usually chooses
her family minister, and the latter is then called
upon by the groom with regard to the details. If a
very intimate friend or relative of the groom is a
clergyman, it is in good taste for the bride to ask
him either to officiate or to assist.
If from any cause--as, living outside the State--the
clergyman is unable to legally perform the ceremony,
a magistrate should be present to legalize the ceremony,
and should receive a fee.

CARRIAGE. A carriage should be provided by
the groom to take the clergyman to the
church, then to the reception, and thence to
his house.

FEE. A fee should be paid the clergyman by
the groom through the best man, who should
hand it to him immediately after the ceremony.
If two or three clergymen are present
and assist, the fee of the officiating clergyman
is double that of the others. The clergyman
should receive at least five dollars in gold,
clean bills, or check, in a sealed envelope,
or more, in proportion to the groom's financial
condition and social position.

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