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The Book of Good Manners

W >> W. C. Green >> The Book of Good Manners




CHURCH. On the wedding-day, after receiving
the bridesmaids and maid of honor at her
house, she goes to the church with her father
(or nearest male relative), and leans upon his
arm as they proceed up the aisle, following
the bridesmaids, and carrying her bridal bouquet
(or, if she wishes, a prayer-book).

Arriving at the chancel, she leaves her
father and steps forward to take the left arm
of the groom, who advances from the chancel
to meet her. They stand before the clergyman,
and, if they wish, may kneel, and upon
rising stand about a foot apart.

At the words of the ceremony, "Who giveth
this woman away?" or, "To be married to this
man?" her father advances and places her
right hand in that of the clergyman, who
places it in the groom's right hand. After
this her father retires to his seat in the pew
with his family.

When the plighting of the troth comes, the
groom receives the ring from the best man
and hands it to the bride, who gives it to the
clergyman. He returns it to the groom, who
then places it on the third finger of the bride's
left hand. When plighting the troth, the
bride gives her glove and bouquet to the maid
of honor, or, what is better, the finger of the
glove may be cut to allow the ring to be placed
on without the glove being removed.

The kiss at the altar is no longer in good
form.

At the end of the ceremony, after the clergyman
has congratulated the married couple,
the bride takes her husband's right arm and
they lead the procession to the vestibule, where
they receive the congratulations of near
friends. Here the maid of honor and bridesmaids
cloak and prepare the bride for the trip
home in the groom's carriage.

DRESS. The bride is veiled, and is dressed in
white-full dress, day or evening. Gloves
need not be worn in the church. The bridesmaids
provide their own outfit, unless the
bride asks them to dress in a style of her own
selecting. In this case, she supplies them
gowns, hats, gloves, and shoes, as she may
wish.

FAREWELL LUNCHEON. While a farewell luncheon
given to the bridesmaids by the bride
is not necessary, yet it is a pleasant way for a
woman to entertain her female friends the
last time in her father's house.

On this occasion it is a good plan for the
bride to give to the maid of honor and brides-maids
her souvenirs, which, of course, should
be alike, and of use at the wedding ceremony.

GIFTS. The bride may give to the groom a ring
as an engagement ring if she wishes. She
should make suitable gifts to the bridesmaids
as souvenirs of the occasion, and may also
present them with flowers. If she presents
boutonnieres to the best man and the ushers,
they should appear at her house before the
ceremony and have her place them in the
lapel of their coats.

She should acknowledge immediately the
receipt of all wedding gifts.

GLOVES. The bride need not wear gloves in the
church.

INVITATIONS. At a church wedding the bride
usually provides the bridesmaids with extra
invitations for their personal use.

KISS. Only the parents of the bride and her
most intimate relatives should kiss the bride.
It is now no longer good form for all to do so.

SEEING GROOM ON WEDDING-DAY. It is not
customary for the bride to see the groom on
the wedding-day till she meets him at the
altar.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride and groom
occupy the centre one of the small tables.

At all wedding breakfasts it is customary
for the guests to assemble in the drawing-room,
and then to enter the breakfast-room
together--the bride and groom leading the
way.

It is not usual to have the bridal cake at
a wedding breakfast, but if such is the case,
the bride makes the first cut, and the slices
are given first to those at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. She should stand by her
husband's side to receive the best wishes of all
present. The guests are not announced, but
are introduced by the ushers to the bride if
not known to her.

The bride should not leave her place to
mingle with the guests until all have been
introduced to her.



BRIDE'S FAMILY. See FAMILY OF BRIDE.



BRIDE'S FATHER. See FATHER OF BRIDE.



BRIDE'S MOTHER. See MOTHER OF BRIDE.



BRIDEGROOM. See GROOM.



BRIDESMAIDS. The bridesmaids are selected by the
bride, and number six, eight, or twelve--
mostly eight. She usually gives them a
dinner a few days before the wedding, at
which she shows them the trousseau and discusses
the details of the wedding.

The ushers and the groom are invited to
come after the dinner, and then the rehearsal
takes place. The bridesmaids should be
present at this and all other rehearsals, and
if unable to be present at the wedding should
give the bride ample notice, that a substitute
may be secured.

CALLS. They call upon the mother of the bride
within a week or ten days after the ceremony,
and upon the bride, in her own home, after
her return from her wedding trip.

CARRIAGES. A carriage provided by the family
of the bride calls for the bridesmaid on the
wedding-day, and takes her to the bride's
house. Her carriage follows the bride's to the
church, and, after the ceremony, takes her to
the wedding breakfast or reception.

CHURCH. They meet at the house of the bride,
and there take their carriages to the church.
While their carriages follow that of the bride,
they alight first and receive her in the vestibule.
They may carry bouquets supplied by
the bride's family or the groom.

In the procession up the aisle they follow
the ushers, walking two by two, and as the
ushers approach the altar they divide--one-half
to the right and one-half to the left. The
bridesmaids do likewise, leaving space for
the bridal party to pass.

In the procession down the aisle they follow
the best man and maid of honor to the
vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes
to the bride, and congratulations to the
groom, they return to the bride's home to
assist in entertaining the guests at the reception
or breakfast.

DANCING. At the wedding breakfast or reception
dancing is sometimes indulged in.

DINNER TO MARRIED COUPLE. The bridesmaids
usually give a dinner to the married couple
on the latter's return from their wedding trip.

DRESS. They usually follow the wishes of the
bride in the matter of dress. Should she
desire any particular style of dress, entailing
considerable expense, on account of novelty
or oddity, she usually presents them the outfit,
which it is permissible for them to accept.

If the bride has no particular wish, they
decide the matter among themselves, always
bearing in mind that their style of dress and
material must be subordinated to that of the
bride, and that there could be no greater exhibition
of lack of refinement and good taste
than for any bridesmaid to make herself in
any way more attractive than the bride.

GIFTS. It is customary for them to send a wedding
gift to the bride.

They usually receive a pretty souvenir
from the bride and a bouquet from the
groom.

INVITATIONS. At a large church wedding several
invitations are usually given to the
bridesmaids for their own personal use.

REHEARSALS. They should be present at all
rehearsals.

WEDDING BREAKFASTS. They pair off with the
ushers, and are usually seated at a table by
themselves.

WEDDING RECEPTIONS. They stand beside the
married couple, and are introduced to the
guests.



BROTHER AT DEBUT. A brother, when his sister's
debut takes the form of a supper or dinner,
should take his sister (the debutante) into
dinner or supper.



BUTLER--TIPS. It is customary for a man leaving a
house-party where he has been a guest to
tip the butler who acted as a valet.



CABINET ( U. S,), MEMBER OF--HOW ADDRESSED. An
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have,
sir, the honor to remain your most obedient
servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain
most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of State.



CAKE. is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful,
and then eaten with fingers or fork.



CALLS. Unless close intimacy exists, calls should
only be made on the specified days.

ASKING MEN TO CALL ON WOMEN. A debutante
should leave this matter to her mother
or chaperone.

A young woman, until she has had some
experience in society, should be very careful
in inviting men to call.

She should not invite a man to call whom
she has met for the first time. No man
should be invited to call until she is assured
of his social standing and character.

In some parts of the country men first ask
permission to call, and in other parts women
first ask men to call.

ASKING WOMEN TO CALL ON WOMEN. It is
generally the custom for the married or elder
woman to ask the unmarried or younger
woman to call.

BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS
--CALLS.

BREAKFAST. See BREAKFASTS--CALLS.

BEST MAN. See BEST MAN--CALLS

BRIDESMAIDS. See BRIDESMAIDS--CALLS.

CHAPERONES. See CHAPERONES--MEN CALLING.

BUSINESS. A business man may call in street
dress upon a woman before six o'clock.

Social visits may be made in the same
manner.

DAYS AT HOME. Calls should only be made on
the regular "At Home" days, and the
hostess should always be present on that day.
Very intimate friends may set aside this rule.

DEBUTANTE. See DEBUTANTE--CALLS.

DRESS. When making an afternoon call, a man
would wear afternoon dress, and evening
dress in making an evening call.

HIGH TEA. See HIGH TEA--CALLS.

HOURS. When no special day for receiving is
indicated, calls may be made at any proper
hour, according to the custom of the locality.
Men of leisure may call at the fashionable
hours from two till five in the afternoon, while
business and professional men may call between
eight and nine in the evening, as their
obligations prevent them from observing the
fashionable hours.

LENGTH. A formal call may last from fifteen to
thirty minutes. Old friends may stay longer.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEON--CALLS.

MEN. AFTER ENTERTAINMENTS. After an entertainment
a man should call in person on
host and hostess, whether the invitation was
accepted or not. If a card is sent or mailed,
it should be accompanied with an apology.

To call on an acquaintance in an opera
box does not relieve one of the duty of making
a formal call in return for social favors.

When calling on the hostess but not on
the host, a man should leave a card for him.
If the hostess be out, he should leave two
cards.

Married men can return their social obligations
to women by personal calls, or the
women of the family can leave the men's
cards with their own.

A call should be made the day following a
luncheon or a breakfast; the same after a
dinner, or at least within a week. A call
should be made within a week after a ball.

After a theatre party given by a man, he
should call within three days on the woman
he escorted, or leave his card, and should
call within a week on the remainder of his
guests.

MEN CALLING ON MEN. At the beginning of
the season it is usual to leave a card for each
member of a family called on--one card for
husband, wife, "misses," and guest, or rest
of the family. Sometimes two cards answer
the purpose.

They may be sent by mail or messenger.

MEN CALLING ON WOMEN. A man should call
only on "At Home" days, especially when
making the first call, unless specially invited.
He should call at the hour appointed.

When no special day for receiving is indicated,
calls may be made at any proper hour,
according to the custom of the locality. Men
of leisure may call at the fashionable hours
--from two till five o'clock.

Business and professional men may call
between eight and nine o'clock, as their obligations
prevent them from observing the
fashionable hours.

A business man may call in street dress
before six o'clock, and the same dress in the
evening, if intimately acquainted.

Informal calls may be made on Sunday
after three o'clock by business and professional
men, provided there are no religious or
other scruples on the part of those receiving
the calls.

Evening or other than mere formal calls
should not be made, save by special invitation.

The first call should last not longer than
ten or fifteen minutes. It is correct to ask
for all the women of the family.

At the first call he should give his card at
the door. At following calls it is optional
whether to give a card or merely the name,
asking at the same time for the person one
desires to see. When the servant's intelligence
seems doubtful, or the name is an
unusual one, it is safer to give a card.

When a woman invites a man to call without
specifying when, it is not considered as
an invitation at all, but merely as a formal
courtesy.

It is bad form to solicit by innuendo or
otherwise an invitation to call from a woman.
It is her privilege to make the first move in
such matters; otherwise she would be placed
in an embarrassing position.

When an invitation specifies the hour,
every effort should be made to be punctual.
It is impolite to be too early or too late.

At a formal call, when others are present,
a man should not be seated unless invited to
do so. He should leave as others come in,
and not remain longer than ten or fifteen
minutes.

A man having a card or letter of introduction
to a young woman should present it in
person to the chaperone. If she is out, he
should mail it to her, and she should at once
notify him whether he may call.

If a caller is a stranger to the young
woman's hostess, he should send his card to
the latter and ask to see her.

The chaperone may, if desirable, give a
man permission to call upon the woman
under her charge.

A man should not call upon an unmarried
woman until invited by her to do so. He
may ask a married woman who has a family
for permission to call.

GLOVES. Gloves need not be removed at a formal
or brief call.

ENTERTAINMENTS. At entertainments a man
should give his card to the servant at the
door or leave it in the hall.

A few appropriate words of greeting should
be addressed to the hostess and host as soon
after entering as possible.

Personal introductions are not absolutely
required at musicales, teas, "At Homes," etc.
One may converse with those nearest, but
this does not warrant future recognition.

When light repasts are served, as teas, ices,
etc, a man should put his napkin on his
knee and hold the plate in his hand.

He should depart with as little ceremony
as possible--a bow and a smile, if host and
hostess are engaged, are sufficient. He
should not shake hands and try to speak unless
it can be done without becoming conspicuous.

MEN CALLING ON WOMEN--HAT. A man making
a formal or brief call should carry his
hat in his hand into the parlor.

SHAKING HANDS. A man should not offer to
shake hands first, as that is the privilege of
the women.

MEN--DRESS. In making ceremonious calls, men
wear afternoon dress, and after six o'clock
evening dress.

See also AFTERNOON DRESS--MEN. EVENING
DRESS--MEN.

PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS--CALLS.

THEATRE. See THEATRE--CALLS.

USHERS. See USHERS--CALLS.

WEDDING INVITATIONS. Very intimate friends
can call personally. Friends of the groom
who have no acquaintance with the bride's
family should send their cards to those inviting
them.

Those who do not receive wedding invitations,
announcement, or "At Home" cards
should not call on the married couple, but
consider themselves as dropped from their
circle of acquaintance.

WOMEN RECEIVING AND INVITING MEN. The
invitation to call should be extended by the
woman, and if she does not specify the time,
will naturally be considered as an act of
courtesy, but not as an invitation.

These invitations should be given with great
care by young women. It is better to have
the invitation extended by her mother or
chaperone.

A married woman may ask a man to call,
especially if she have unmarried daughters.
An afternoon tea is an appropriate time to
specify. A man may ask a married woman
who has a family for permission to call.

At the beginning of a season, a man who
desires the further acquaintance of a woman
should leave his card in person for all the
members of the family.

A formal call, or the first call of the season,
should, mot last longer than ten or fifteen
minutes. It is proper for the man to inquire
for all the women of the family.

A man should call only on "At Home"
days, unless especially invited to come at
other times. The hostess should be home on
all "At Home" days, unless sickness or
other good cause prevents.

In the absence of "At Home" days, or
specified time, calls may be received at any
proper hour, according to the locality of the
place.

When men make a formal call at other than
specified time, the hostess may justly excuse
herself. The caller would have no ground
for offense.

Intimate friends need not hold to formal
hours for paying calls.

Men of leisure should call only at fashionable
hours--from two to five in the afternoon.

Evening calls should not be made by other
than business or professional men, unless the
acquaintance be an intimate one, or unless
they are specially invited.

Business and professional men may call between
eight and nine o'clock, as their obligations
prevent them from observing the fashionable
hours.

Informal calls may be made on Sunday
after three o'clock by business and professional
men, provided there are no religious or other
scruples on the part of those receiving the
calls.

A business man may call in street dress
before six o'clock in the evening, or thereafter
if intimacy warrants.

Evening, or other than mere formal calls,
should not be made, save by special invitation.

A man should leave his card when calling.
If his hostess is married, he should leave
one also for the host. If she is out, he
should leave two.

When calling upon a young woman whose
hostess is not known to the man, he should
send his card to her.

If the woman is seated when a man enters
the room, she rises to greet him, and, if
she wishes, shakes hands. It is her option
to shake hands or not, and she should make
the first advances. It is bad form for him
to do so.

During a formal call, when other guests
are present, a man should remain standing
and depart upon the entrance of others. If
the hostess is seated at the time, she need not
rise or shake hands, but merely bow.

The hostess should not accompany a caller
to the door of the parlor, but bow from her
chair.

Dropping in at a theatre or opera party
does not relieve a man from making formal
calls that may be due.

A woman's escort to a theatre party should
call upon her within a week. If she were
his guest, he should do so within three days,
or send his card, with an apology.

Business calls are privileged, and can be
made when convenient, although preferably
by appointment.

WOMEN RECEIVING--INTRODUCTIONS. At formal
calls conversation should be general among
the guests. Introductions are unnecessary.

AFTERNOON. See AFTERNOON CALLS.

COUNTRY. See COUNTRY CALLS.

EVENING. See EVENING CALLS.

FIRST. See FIRST CALLS.

INVALID'S. See INVALID'S CALLS.

SUNDAY. See SUNDAY CALLS.



CANCELING DINNERS. When it becomes necessary for
a hostess to cancel or postpone a dinner, she
should send as soon as possible, either by
special delivery or messenger, a letter to each
guest who has accepted the invitation. The
letter, written either in the first or third person,
should state the reason and express
regrets.



CANCELING WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS-INVITATIONS
RECALLED.



CANES. A cane is the correct thing for a man when
walking, except when engaged in business.
It should be held a few inches below the
knob, ferrule down, and should, like umbrellas,
be carried vertically.

CALLING. When making a formal or brief call
the cane should be left in the hall.



CARDINAL-HOW ADDRESSED. A letter, official or
social, begins: Your Eminence, and ends: I
have the honor to remain your humble servant.
The address on the envelope is: His Eminence
Cardinal Wilson.



CARDS.

DEBUT. See DEBUT CARDS.

DEBUTANTS. See DEBUTANTE CARDS.

INFANT. See INFANT'S CARDS.

IN MEMORIAM. See IN MEMORIAM CARDS.

MOURNING. See MOURNING CARDS.



CARDS, VISITING.

ADDRESSING. See ADDRESSING CARDS (VISITING).

AFTERNOON TEAS. See CARDS (VISITING), LEAVING
IN PERSON--AFTERNOON TEAS. CARDS (VISITING),
MAIL OR MESSENGER-AFTERNOON TEAS.

AT HOME. See AT HOME-CARDS.

BIRTH (ANNOUNCEMENT). See CARDS (VISITING),
LEAVING IN PERSON--BIRTH.

CONDOLENCE. See CONDOLENCE--CARDS.

DAUGHTER. See DAUGHTERS--CARDS (VISITING).

GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES--CARDS.

HUSBAND AND WIFE. When the wife is calling,
she can leave cards of the husband and
sons if it is impossible for them to do so
themselves.

After an entertainment, cards of the family
can be left for the host and hostess by either
the wife or any of the daughters.
See Also MR. AND MRS. CARD.

LEAVING IN PERSON. When cards with a message
of congratulation are left in person,
nothing should be written on it.

LEAVING IN PERSON--AFTERNOON TEAS.
Women leave cards of their male relatives
as well as their own, although their names
may be announced upon entering the drawing-room.
Guests leave their cards in a receptacle
provided, or give them to the servant
at the door.

MEN. A bachelor should not use AT HOME
cards as a woman does, nor to invite his
friends by writing a date and MUSIC AT FOUR
on his calling card in place of an invitation.

MEN--LEAVING IN PERSON. When returning
to town after a long absence, a man should
leave cards having his address.

When calling upon a young woman whose
hostess is not known by the man, he should
send his card to her.

At the beginning of a season, a man should
leave two cards for all those whose entertainments
he is in the habit of attending, or on
whom he pays social calls. These cards
may also be mailed. If left in person, there
should be one for each member of the family
called upon, or only two cards. In the
former there should be left one card for the
host, one for the hostess, one for the
"misses," and one for the rest of the family
and their guest.

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