Rex Beach - "The Silver Horde"

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The Book of Good Manners

W >> W. C. Green >> The Book of Good Manners




If for any cause a man has to break his
engagements to dance, he should personally
explain the matter to every woman with
whom he has an engagement and make a
suitable apology.



BALLS, ASSEMBLY. The etiquette at an assembly
ball is much the same as at a private ball,
the functions and duties of the hostess being
filled by a committee of women selected for
that purpose.

On entering the room, the guests bow to
the committee and pass on.

It is not necessary to take leave of the
committee.

CARRIAGE. A man should provide a carriage
in which to call for the woman he escorts
and her chaperone.

CHAPERONES. For a small ball given in a private
house, the hostess need not invite the mothers
of the young women, and the young women
can properly attend, knowing that the hostess
will act as a chaperone.

But at a large ball it is necessary to invite
the mother as well as the daughters, and
the chaperone as well as the debutante under
her care. The mother can send regrets for
herself, and send her daughters in care of a
maid. Or she can attend, and, after remaining
a suitable time, she may entrust her
daughter to the care of a chaperone who
intends to remain the whole evening.



BALLS FOR DEBUTANTE.

DRESS. A debutante should dress in white or
some extremely delicate color, and wear very
little jewelry--some simple brooch or single
piece of jewelry, or a slender chain of pearls.

DUTIES OF DAUGHTERS. Except at her own
debut, a daughter does not assist her mother
in receiving. She should be ready, however,
to see that young women have partners, and
to speak, without introduction, to strangers.

GUEST OF HONOR. If the ball is given in honor
of some special person, he should be met on
his arrival, introduced to the women of the
reception committee, escorted to the seat prepared
for him, and be looked after the entire
evening.

At the end of the ball he should be escorted
to his carriage.

DUTIES OF HOST. It is not necessary that a
man receive with his wife. He should do all
he can to help make the ball successful,
especially if his name appears on the invitation.
He should assist in finding partners
for the women, taking the chaperones into
supper, preventing the men from selfishly
remaining in the dressing-room, and at the
end escorting unattended women to their
carriages.

When a formal supper is served, he takes
into supper the leading chaperone.

DUTIES OF HOSTESS. As a ball is an entertainment
for dancing, it is better to give two
small balls where the guests are not crowded
than one where they are. It is permissible
for a hostess not having sufficient room to
hire rooms in some place suitable for the
purpose.

In selecting guests, it is wise to have more
men present than women.

The hostess should see to it that the rooms
are well ventilated and well lighted. An
awning and a carpet from the street to the
hall door should be provided.

The hostess should stand near the door,
prepared to receive the guests as they enter,
shaking hands with each one, friend or
stranger, and introducing any woman who
may receive with her.

A hostess herself should not dance until
late in the evening, unless she knows that
nearly all her guests have arrived.

A wise hostess will personally see that the
women are provided with partners, and that
diffident young men are introduced.

The hostess should see that the floor is
suitable for dancing, that music is arranged,
programs printed, that dressing-rooms, one
for the men and one for the women, are arranged
for with suitable attendants.

The hostess should stand where the guests
can take leave of her, and should shake
hands with each when leaving.

HOURS. In the city the hour for a ball to begin
is from 10.30 to 11 P.M., but in the country
the hour is earlier--from 9 to 9.30.

A public ball begins promptly at the time
mentioned in the announcement.

INVITATIONS. These are issued from ten to
twenty days before the ball, and should be
answered immediately.

For an impromptu dance, they may be
issued within a few days of the affair.

These invitations should be engraved. As
a general rule, it is not now customary to put
on them the letters R. S. V. P.

But when an engraved invitation is posted,
two envelopes are used, the inner one bearing
the person's name only and unsealed, and
the outer bearing both the name and address
and sealed.

If the ball has any peculiar feature, as a
masquerade or costume, the invitation should
have some words to that effect in the lower
left hand corner--as, Costume of the XVIIth
Century, Bal Masque, or Bal Poudre.

INVITATIONS ASKED FOR STRANGERS. If a
hostess receives a request from friends for
invitations for friends of theirs, she can properly
refuse all such requests, and no friend
should feel aggrieved at a refusal for what
she has no right to ask and which the hostess
is under no obligation to give. If the
hostess chooses to grant the request, well and
good.

She would naturally do so when the request
is for a near relative, or the betrothed of the
one making the request.

A man should never ask for an invitation
to a ball for another person, except for his
fiancee or a near relative.

A woman may ask for an invitation for her
fiance, a brother, or a male friend of long
standing, or for a visiting friend. She should
take care that she does not ask it for some
one known to the hostess and whom the latter
does not desire to invite. No offense should be
felt at a refusal save, possibly, in the case of a
brother, sister, or fiance.

INVITATIONS GIVEN BY A NEWCOMER. When a
newcomer in a neighborhood desires to give
a ball but has no visiting list, it is allowable
for her to borrow the visiting list of
some friend. The friend, however, arranges
that in each envelope is placed a calling-card
of her own, so that the invited ones may know
that she is acting as sponsor for the newcomer.

INVITATIONS ANSWERED. Every invitation
should be answered as soon as possible, and
in the third person if the invitation was in the
third person. The answer should be sent to
the party requesting the pleasure, even if
many names are on the invitation.

When a subscriber to a subscription ball
invites a friend who is a non-subscriber, she
encloses her card in the envelope, and the invited
friend sends the answer to the subscriber
sending the invitation.

INTRODUCTIONS. When a man is introduced to a
woman at a ball, he should ask her for a
dance.

MEN AT. Courtesy toward his hostess and consideration
for his friends demands that a
man who can dance should do so.

To accept an invitation to a ball and then
refuse to dance shows that a man is lacking
in good breeding.

A man finding few friends at a ball should
ask some friend, or the hostess, to introduce
him to some women whom he can invite to
dance.

It is an act of discourtesy for a man not to
request a dance of a woman to whom he has
been introduced.

A man escorting a woman to a ball should
agree where to meet her after they have each
left their wraps at the dressing-rooms. It
may be at the foot of the stairway or near
the ball-room door.

It is now no longer customary for the man
and woman to enter arm in arm, but for the
woman to precede the man, and together
they greet the hostess. It is for the hostess
to merely bow or to shake hands, and the
guests follow her lead.

A man should see that his companion's
chaperone is comfortably seated, and then
ask his companion for a couple of dances,
and, with her permission, introduce other
young men, who should ask her to dance.
Such permission is not usually asked if the
man is her fiance, a near relative, or an old
friend.

It is strictly the woman's prerogative to decide
to retire, and no man should urge or
hint to a woman to retire earlier than she
wishes.

MEN--CARRIAGE. A man asking a woman to
accompany him to a ball should call in a carriage
for her and her chaperone.

MEN--DRESS. Men wear full evening dress in
summer or winter, city and town.

Gloves of white dressed kid should be worn
at all balls.

NEWCOMERS. See BALLS-INVITATIONS GIVEN BY
NEWCOMERS.


PATRONESSES. See PUBLIC BALLS--PATRONESSES.

TIPPING SERVANTS. Only at public balls is it
customary to give a tip to the men and
women in charge of the cloak-room.

SUPPER. Usually a buffet supper, being more
easily handled and arranged for. Supper at
tables requires many servants, much preparation,
and great care.

WOMEN AT. A mother should attend balls with
her daughters, going and returning with
them, and if she is not invited, they should
decline the invitation. The father can act
as escort if need be.

After greeting the hostess and guests, the
guests pay their respects to the head of the
house if he is present.

Taking leave of the hostess is unnecessary.

It is no longer customary for a couple to
enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede
the man. A mother, elder sister, or
married woman takes the precedence over
a daughter, younger sister, or unmarried
woman.

If not at once asked to dance, a young
woman should take a seat by her chaperone.
It is bad taste to refuse a dance with one
man and then to dance that same dance with
another.

Both the hostess and the women wear their
most elaborate costume for such an entertainment-
decollete, short-sleeved, and a long train.

For a less elaborate affair the costume
may be plainer.



BALLS, ASSEMBLY. See ASSEMBLY BALLS.



BALLS, COSTUME. See COSTUME BALLS.



BALLS, DEBUT. See DEBUT BALLS.



BALLS, PUBLIC. See PUBLIC BALLS.



BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. See SUBSCRIPTION BALLS.



BANANAS. The skin should be cut off with a knife,
peeling from the top down, while holding in
the hand. Small pieces should be cut or
broken off, and taken in the fingers, or they
may be cut up and eaten with a fork.



BARON-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to be
your Lordship's obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable the Baron Wilson.

A social letter begins: Dear Lord Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord Wilson,
very sincerely yours.

The address is: To the Lord Wilson.

DAUGHTER OF. See DAUGHTER OF BARON.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF. See WIFE OF YOUNGER
SON OF BARON.



BARON, YOUNGER SON OF--How Addressed. An
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have
the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Honorable John Wilson.



BARONESS-HOW ADDRESSED, An official letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain
your Ladyship's most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable The Baroness Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends. Believe me dear Lady Kent, sincerely
yours.

The address is: To the Lady Kent.



BARONET-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
sir, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir John Wilson,
or Dear Sir John, and ends: Believe me,
dear Sir John, faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope is: To Sir
John Wilson, Bart.

WIFE OF, See WIFE OF BARONET.



BEST MAN. The best man is usually a bachelor, but
may be a married man or a widower, and is
selected by the groom. He fills an important
position, requiring tact, administrative
ability, and capacity to handle details. He
acts as the groom's representative, confidential
advisor, and business advisor.

After his selection he should send a gift to
the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the
groom-a custom not yet clearly established,
and one not to be either encouraged or followed
with safety.

On the morning of the wedding-day he
should have received both the ring and fee
from the groom, and should personally see to
the church and other details.

He breakfasts with the groom, and together
they drive to the church.

CALLS. He should call on the bride's mother
within two weeks after the ceremony, and
also on the married couple upon their return
from their wedding trip.

CHURCH. He accompanies the groom into the
chancel, and stands by his side till the bride
appears, when he receives the groom's hat
and gloves, and stands a little way behind
him. When the clergyman bids the bride
and groom join hands, he gives the ring to
to the groom.

At the conclusion of the ceremony, he
gives the wedding fee to the clergyman, and
hastily leaves the church to summon the
groom's carriage and to return him his
hat. He signs the register, if a witness is
needed.

It is a better arrangement to have the
groom and the best man enter the church
without their hats, and have the latter sent
from the vestry to the church door, so that the
groom may receive his when he leaves the
church.

Especially is this a good arrangement if
the best man has to walk with the maid of
honor down the aisle.

After this, he hastens in his own carriage
to the bride's home, to assist in meeting and
introducing the guests at the reception or
breakfast.

DRESS. If the bride presents the best man with
the boutonniere, he should go to her house
on the wedding-day to have her put it in the
lapel of his coat.

He should dress as nearly as possible like the
groom-wearing afternoon dress at an afternoon
wedding, and at an evening wedding
evening dress.

See also GROOM-DRESS.

EXPENSES. The best man is the guest of the
groom, and in matters of expense this should
be borne in mind.

REPORTERS. If such is the wish of the family
of the bride, the best man attends to the reporters,
and furnishes them with the names
of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description
of gowns, and other details deemed
suitable for publication.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The best man escorts
the maid of honor, and they are usually
seated at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The best man stands
with the married couple, and is introduced
to the guests.

WEDDING TRIP. He should arrange beforehand
all details of the trip-as to tickets, parlor-car,
flowers, baggage, etc. He alone knows the
point of destination, and is in honor bound
not to betray it, save in case of emergencies.
He should see that the married couple
leave the house without any trouble, and if
the station is near, he should go in a separate
carriage (provided by the groom) to personally
attend to all details. He is the last
one to see the married couple, and should return
to the house to give their last message
to the parents.



BEST WISHES TO BRIDE. One should give best wishes
to the bride and congratulations to the
groom.



BICYCLING. A man bicycling with a woman should
extend to her all the courtesies practised
when riding or driving with her, such as
allowing her to set the pace, taking the lead
on unfamiliar roads and in dangerous
places, riding on the side nearest obstacles,
etc.

MEN--DRESS. A man should wear the regulation
suit coat, waistcoat, and knickerbockers
of gray or brown tweed, avoiding all
eccentricities of personal taste.



BIRTH (Announcement). If wishing to send congratulations
after a birth, cards should be left in
person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers
may be sent with the card.



BISHOP OF THE ANGLICAN CHURCH--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends:
I have the honor to remain your Lordship's
most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My Dear Lord
Bishop, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
my Dear Lord Bishop, faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope: To the Right
Rev. The Lord Bishop of Kent.



BISHOP (PROTESTANT)-HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: Right Reverend and Dear Sir,
and ends: I have the honor to remain your
obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Bishop Wilson,
and ends: I remain sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of,
Montana.



BISHOP (ROMAN CATHOLIC)--HOW ADDRESSED. An
official or social letter begins. Right Reverend
and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor
to remain your humble servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of
Ohio.



BONNETS (THEATRE). A woman of any consideration
should either wear no bonnet or remove it
when the curtain rises.

It would be in place for a man or a woman
to politely request a woman whose bonnet
obstructs the view to remove it, and, after
it was done, to thank the woman for so
doing.



BOUQUETS (WEDDING). The bouquet carried by the
bride is furnished by the groom, who should
also provide bouquets for the bridesmaids.



BOWING

MEN, When leaving a woman at the door of
her house, he bows and retires as the door
is opened.

When seeing a woman to her carriage, he
should raise his hat on closing the door.

On a railroad a man removes his hat in a
parlor-car, but not in a day coach.

In street-cars a man should raise his hat
when giving his seat to a woman; also when
rendering a service to a woman in public, in
answering a question, or in apologizing to a
woman.

In elevators, when women are present,
the hat should be removed.

In hotel halls or corridors a man passing
a woman should raise his hat.

Men do not raise their hats to one another,
save out of deference to an elderly person, a
person of note, or a clergyman.

In driving, if impossible to raise the hat,
he should touch it with his whip.

The hat is gracefully lifted from the head,
brought to the level of the chest, and the
body inclined forward, and then replaced in
passing.

It is the woman's privilege to bow first if
it is a mere acquaintance. If, however, a
woman bows, and the man fails to recognize
her, he should bow in return.

A man may bow first to a very intimate
friend.

Meeting a woman to whom he has been
introduced at an entertainment, he should
wait until she bows first.

After bowing to a woman, the man may
join her, and with her permission may walk
a short distance with her.

He should not stand in the street and converse
with her any length of time. She may
excuse herself and pass on. He should not
feel affronted.

If he meets a woman he does not know
accompanied by a man he does know, both
men bow.

The man accompanying her should bow
to every man or woman to whom she bows.

WOMEN. A woman's bow should be dignified--
a faint smile and a gentle inclination of the
head.

Women bow first to men when meeting in
the street. A man may bow first if the
acquaintance is intimate.

When walking with a man, and they meet
another unknown to her, but known to her
escort, both men bow. If she meets a friend,
man or woman, unknown to her escort, he
bows.

Unless an introduction has taken place at
any function, no recognition is customary.
It is the woman's privilege, however, to decide
for herself whether she will recognize
the guest or not.

A man bowing and joining a woman on
the street must ask permission to do so.
She is at perfect liberty to gracefully decline.

If a man stops to talk on the street, she
may excuse herself and pass on. If she
continues the conversation and he stands
with his hat in his hand, she may request
him to replace it. Such conversations should
be brief.



BREAD should be broken into small pieces, buttered,
and transferred with the fingers to the mouth.
The bread should be placed on the small
plate provided for the purpose.



BREAKFASTS. Breakfasts are generally given from
ten to twelve in the morning. Very formal
breakfasts are held at twelve o'clock.

CALLS. A call need not be made after a simple
breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

DRESS. Street costumes are worn by men and
women.

GUESTS. Guests leave half an hour after the
breakfast.

HOURS. The hour is from 12 to 12.30.

INVITATIONS. Cards are engraved and sent a
week in advance for formal breakfasts, but
for informal breakfasts they may be written.
If given in honor of a special guest, the
name is engraved on the card--as, TO MEET
MR. WILSON.

MEN. Men are usually invited, and they are
often given for men. Men wear street costume.

Guests should leave half an hour after
breakfast. A call is not necessary after a
simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal
one.

MEN LEAVING CARDS. After a breakfast a man
should leave a card for host and hostess,
whether the invitation was accepted or not.
Or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with
an apology for so doing.

WOMEN. Women wear street costume, including
gloves, the latter being taken off at table.
Women remove their coats and wraps, but
not bonnets.

Guests should leave half an hour after
breakfast. A call is not necessary after a
simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal
one.

WEDDING. See WEDDING RECEPTIONS OR BREAKFASTS.



BREAKING DINNER ENGAGEMENTS. When it is absolutely
necessary to break an engagement made for
a dinner, a letter should be sent as soon as
possible to the hostess, either by special delivery
or messenger, giving the reason and
expressing regrets.

BRIDE. The bride selects the church and the clergyman,
and can, if she wishes, ask the latter
personally or by note to perform the ceremony.
She selects the music for the ceremony
and the organist, names the wedding
day, and selects the ushers and the bridesmaids.
Of the bridesmaids, she may select
one, some near friend, as the maid of honor,
to act for her, as the best man does for the
groom.

She further designates one of the ushers to
be master of ceremonies, and should instruct
him minutely as to the details she desires
carried out-how the wedding party shall enter
the church, proceed up the aisle, etc.

A few days before the wedding she gives a
dinner to the bridesmaids and maid of honor,
who take this opportunity to examine the
trousseau. The ushers, best man, and groom
may come after the dinner to attend the wedding
rehearsal. These rehearsals should be
gone through carefully, and if they can be
held at the church so much the better. Each
person should be instructed by note as to their
duties, as this prevents confusion.

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