James E. Talmage - "The Story of Mormonism"

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John H. Parker - "The Gatlings at Santiago"

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The Book of Good Manners

W >> W. C. Green >> The Book of Good Manners




MEN. If the wraps are not left in the carriage,
they are removed in the vestibule and are
carried on the arm into the pew. A man
follows the woman, who is escorted to the
pew by the usher. At the end of the ceremony
the guests should not leave until the
immediate family have passed out.

Guests who are not invited to the breakfast
or reception should not take offense, as
the number present on such occasions is
necessarily limited. These guests may seat
themselves or are seated by the ushers, but
not in the pews reserved for the family and
specially invited guests.

WOMEN. No one should be present at a wedding
in mourning, and it should be laid aside temporarily
even by the mother, who wears
purple velvet or silk. Women on entering
the church take the usher's left arm, and are
escorted to the pew, while their escort follows
behind.

If they are immediate members of the
family or are specially invited guests, they
should give their names to the usher that he
may seat them in the places reserved for
them.

HATS OF GROOM AND OF BEST MAN. To do
away with the possibility of the best man
having to take care of the hats of groom and
best man during the wedding ceremony, it
is a good plan for both groom and best man
to leave them in the vestry, and to have them
carried out to the front of the church, ready
for them at the end of the ceremony.

HOME See Home Weddings.

HOST. See Father of Bride.

HOSTESS. See Mother of Bride.

HOURS. Any hour from nine in the morning to
nine in the evening is appropriate.

The morning hours are usually selected for
quiet home affairs; twelve o'clock, or high
noon, is still considered as the fashionable
hour, while from three to six is the hour
most convenient for all concerned.

Evening weddings are not very convenient,
chiefly because it is not as easy to handle the
details as in the daytime.

INVITATIONS. The woman's parents, guardians,
or others give the wedding, send out the invitations,
and bear all the expense of engraving and sending
out the same. They are issued in the name of the
one giving the wedding, and should be sent to
near-by friends about twenty days in advance of
the wedding day and earlier to out-of-town friends.
With them are sent the invitation to the wedding
breakfast or reception, and also the card of
admission to the church.

The groom should supply a list of names
of such persons as he desires to have present,
designating his preference for those to be
present at the breakfast or reception.

In addressing wedding invitations, two
envelopes are used. The inner one, unsealed,
bears the name only of the person addressed,
and is enclosed in another envelope, sealed,
bearing the address of the person invited.

Parents should, of course, order these
invitations of a fashionable dealer in stationery,
that good taste may be observed.

If the invitation contains an invitation to
the breakfast or reception, it should be accepted
or declined at once, and the answer
sent to those issuing the invitation. If the
invitation does not include a breakfast or
reception invitation, no acknowledgment is
necessary.

Should the wedding, however, be at home,
and the guests limited in number, an
acknowledgment should be sent.

If the invitations bear the letters R. S. V. P.
an acknowledgment is necessary.

BRIDESMAIDS. At a large church wedding several
invitations are usually given to the
bridesmaids for their own personal use.

CALLS. Very intimate friends can call personally.
Friends of the groom who have no
acquaintance with the bride's family should
send their cards to those inviting them.

Those who do not receive with wedding
invitations and announcements At Home
cards should not call, but consider themselves
dropped from the circle of acquaintances
of the married couple.

CARDS, LEAVING. If a person is invited to a
wedding at a church, but not to the reception
or breakfast, a card should be left or mailed
both to the bride's parents and to the
married couple.

Those present at the ceremony should
leave cards in person for those inviting them,
and if this is not possible, they can send
them by mail or messenger.

Those invited but not present should send
cards to those who invited them.

RECALLED. When for some good reason a
wedding has to be canceled or postponed,
the parents of the bride should, as soon as
possible, send printed notices, giving the
reasons, to all the invited guests.

JOURNEY. See Wedding Trip.

MAID OF HONOR. See Maid of Honor.

MARKING GIFTS. See Marking Wedding Gifts.

MARRIED COUPLE. Immediately after the wedding
breakfast or reception, the bride, with
her maid of honor, retires to change her
clothes for those suitable for travel. The
groom, with his best man, does likewise, and
waits for his wife at the foot of the stairs.

As she comes down the stairs she lets fall
her bridal bouquet among the bridesmaids,
who strive to secure it, as its possession is
deemed a lucky sign of being the next bride.

As the couple pass out of the front door
it is customary for the guests to throw after
them, for luck, rice, rose leaves, flowers, old
shoes, etc.

The form to be used in signing the hotel
register is: Mr. and Mrs. John K. Wilson.
Good taste and a desire for personal comfort
demand that their public acts and words
be not of such a character as to attract attention.

See also Wedding Trip.

AT HOME. At the end of the wedding trip they
proceed to their own home, and immediately
send out their At Home cards, unless they
have followed the better plan of enclosing
them with their wedding cards.

They are at perfect liberty to send them to
whom they please, and thus to select their
friends. At these "At Homes" light refreshment
is served, and the married couple wear full
evening dress.

They are generally given a dinner by the
bridesmaids, and are entertained by both
families in appropriate ways.

MEN-DRESS. At a morning or afternoon wedding
the groom, best man, and ushers wear
afternoon dress, but at an evening wedding
they wear evening dress.

For further details see Best Man--Dress.
Groom--Dress. Ushers--Dress.

MOURNING should not be worn at a wedding, but
should be laid aside temporarily, the wearer
appearing in purple.

MUSIC. The organist and the music are usually
selected by the bride. Before the arrival of
the bride the organist plays some bright
selection, but on her entering the church
and passing up the aisle he plays the Wedding March.

PAGES. See Pages.

PRIVATE. See Private Wedding.

PROCESSION UP THE AISLE. Many styles are
adopted for the procession up the aisle. A
good order is for the ushers to come first in
pairs, then the bridesmaids, maid of honor,
and last the bride on her father's arm. At
the altar the ushers and bridesmaids open
ranks to allow the bride to pass through.

This order is usually reversed in the procession
down the aisle.

RECALLING INVITATIONS. See Wedding Invitations
(Recalled).

RECEPTIONS. See Wedding Receptions.

REHEARSALS. Rehearsals should be held even
for a quiet home wedding, and at a sufficiently
early date to insure the presence of all who
are to participate.

REPORTERS. See Reporters--Weddings.

RIBBONS. See Ribbons at Church Weddings.

RICE. See Weddings--Throwing of Rice.

RING. This may be dispensed with, save in the
Roman Catholic and in the Episcopal Church
service. It is usually of plain gold, with
initials of bride and groom and date of marriage
engraved therein.

It is bought by the groom, who should give
it to the best man to be kept till it is called
for by the clergyman during the ceremony.
It is worn on the third finger of the bride's
left hand.

SECOND MARRIAGES. See Widows--Weddings.

SIGNING THE REGISTER. This is sometimes done
by the bride and the groom, and takes place
in the vestry, where the best man signs as
chief witness and some of the guests as witnesses.

SOUVENIRS. See Souvenirs.

THROWING OF RICE. The throwing of rice is
to be discouraged, but if it is to be done, the
maid of honor should prepare packages of
rice and hand them to the guests, who throw
it after the bridal couple as they leave the
house for their wedding trip.

TOASTS. Toasts to the bride and groom are customary
at the wedding breakfast.

If the groom gives a farewell bachelor dinner,
he should propose a toast to the bride.

TROUSSEAU. See Trousseau.

USHERS. See USHERS

WHITE RIBBONS. See RIBBONS.

WIDOWS. See WIDOWS--WEDDINGS.

WOMEN--DRESS. Women wear afternoon or
evening dress, as the occasion requires.
See also WIDOWS. GUESTS.
WEDDINGS--GUESTS. WEDDINGS--WIDOWS.

WHITE RIBBONS AT WEDDINGS. See RIBBONS.



WIDOWS.
CARD. During the first year of mourning a
widow has no cards, as she makes no formal
visits. After the first year, cards with border
of any desired depth are used.

Either the husband's name or the widow's
baptismal name may be used, but if in the
immediate family the husband's name is
duplicated, she should use her own name to
avoid confusion. When her married son has
his father's full name, the widow should add
SR. to hers, as the son's wife is entitled to
the name.

MOURNING. A widow should wear crape with a
bonnet having a small border of white. The
veil should be long and worn over the face
for three months, after which a shorter veil
may be worn for a year, and then the face
may be exposed. Six months later white
and lilac may be used, and colors resumed
after two years.

STATIONERY, MOURNING. A widow's stationery
should be heavily bordered, and is continued
as long as she is in deep mourning. This is
gradually decreased, in accordance with her
change of mourning.

All embossing or stamping should be done
in black.

WEDDINGS. Widows should avoid anything distinctively
white, even in flowers--especially
white orange blossoms and white veil,
these two being distinctively indicative of
the first wedding. If she wishes, she can
have bridesmaids and ushers. Her wedding-cards
should show her maiden name as part of her full name.



WIDOWERS--STATIONERY, MOURNING. The width of
black on his stationery should be reduced as
the interval is diminished.

All stamping should be in black.



WIFE--CARDS. Only the wife of the oldest member
of the oldest branch may use her husband's
name without the initials.



WIFE AND HUSBAND--CARDS, VISITING. When the wife
is calling, she can leave cards of the husband
and sons if it is impossible for them to do so
themselves.

After an entertainment cards of the family
can be left for the host and hostess by either
the wife or any of the daughters.



WIFE OF BARONET--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor
to remain your Ladyship's most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, Lady Wilson, sincerely
yours,

The address on the envelope is: To Lady
Wilson.



WIFE OF A KNIGHT--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor
to remain your Ladyship's most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, Lady Wilson, sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope reads: To
Lady Wilson.



WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF BARON--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official letter begins: Madam, and ends:
I have the honor to remain, madam, your
obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mrs. Wilson,
and ends: Sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Honorable Mrs. Wilson.



WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF DUKE--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official letter begins: Madam, and ends:
I have the honor to remain, your Ladyship's
most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable the Lady John Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady John
Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Lady John
Kent, faithfully yours.

The address is: To the Lady John Kent.



WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF EARL--HOW ADDRESSED. An
official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I
have the honor to remain, madam, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mrs. Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, Mrs. Wilson, sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Honorable Mrs. Wilson.



WIFE Of YOUNGER SON OF MARQUIS--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official letter begins: Madam, and ends:
I have the honor to remain your Ladyship's
most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable, The Lady John Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady John Kent, and ends:
Believe me, dear Lady John Kent, faithfully yours.

The address is: To the Lady John Kent.



WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF VISCOUNT--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official letter begins: Madam, and ends:
I have the honour to remain, madam, your
obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mrs. Wilson,
and ends: Sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Honorable Mrs. Wilson.



WINE. A guest not caring for wine should turn
down his glass and leave it in that position,
or a mere sign of dissent when it is offered
is sufficient.



WITNESSES AT WEDDINGS. If witnesses are needed,
the best man selects them, and himself signs
as the chief witness.



WOODEN WEDDINGS. Five years after the marriage
comes the wooden wedding. On the invitations
sent out may be engraved, if desired,
No presents received. Congratulations may
be extended in accepting or declining these
invitations.

Those invited make suitable presents, and
on this occasion any device made of wood is
appropriate, including articles of utility--as,
kitchen utensils, household ornaments, etc.

An entertainment usually follows,



WOOLEN WEDDINGS. This is the name of the fortieth
wedding anniversary, and is seldom celebrated.
The invitations may have the words:
No presents received, and in accepting or
declining the invitations, congratulations may
be sent.

An entertainment should be provided, and
any article of woolen would be appropriate
as a gift.



WOMEN.
BACHELOR'S DINNERS. Women do not call upon
a bachelor after attending a dinner given by
him.

CONDUCT TOWARD MEN. Male acquaintances
should be carefully chosen, and great care
exercised in accepting invitations from them.

When declining invitations from a man
personally given, explanations are not
necessary. If they are deemed desirable, they
should be given as delicately as possible and
without giving offence.

It is well never to receive men alone, unless
they are most intimate friends. Compromising
positions are easily fallen into, and a woman
should be constantly on her guard.



WOMEN SERVANTS--TIPS. It is customary for guests
at the end of a house-party visit to give tips
to the maid for extra attention and taking
care of the room, and also to the cook. The
latter is usually tipped by the married men
and bachelors.

AFTERNOON DRESS. See AFTERNOON DRESS--WOMEN.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL)
--WOMEN. AFTERNOON TEAS (INFORMAL)--WOMEN.


BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS--WOMEN.

BACHELORS' TEAS. See BACHELORS' TEAS--WOMEN.

BALLS. See BALLS--WOMEN.

BOWING. See BOWING--WOMEN.

BREAKFASTS. See BREAKFASTS--WOMEN.

CALLS. See CALLS--WOMEN.

CARDS. See CARDS (VISITING)--WOMEN.

CHAPERONE. See CHAPERONE.

CHRISTENINGS. See CHRISTENINGS--WOMEN.

CONCLUSION OF LETTERS. See Conclusion of a
Letter--Women.

COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS. See Cotillions
by Subscriptions--Women.

DANCES. See Dances--Women.

DANCING. See Dancing--Women.

DINNERS. See Dinners--Women.

DRESS. See Dress--Women.

DRIVING. See Driving--Women.

ENGAGEMENT. See Engagement--Women.

EVENING DRESS. See Evening Dress--Women.

FUNERALS. See Funerals--Women.

GARDEN PARTIES. See Garden Parties--Women.

GLOVES. See Gloves--Women.

HIGH TEA. See High Tea--Women.

HOUSE PARTIES. See House Parties--Women.

INTRODUCTIONS. See Introductions--Women.

INVITATIONS. See Invitations--Women.

LETTERS. See fetters-Women.

LUNCHEONS. See Luncheons--Women.

MORNING DRESS. See Morning Dress--Women.

MOURNING. See Mourning--Women.

MOURNING CARDS. See Mourning Cards--
Women.

NEW ACQUAINTANCE. See New Acquaintances--
Women.

NEWCOMERS. See Newcomers--Residents' Duty
to Women.

RIDING. See Riding--Women.

SALUTATIONS. See Salutations--Women.

SHAKING HANDS. See Shaking Hands--Women.

STATIONERY. See Stationery--Women.

STREET-CARS. See Street-cars--Women.

STREET ETIQUETTE. See Street Etiquette--
Women.

THEATRE PARTIES. See Theatre Parties--
Women.

TITLES. See Titles--Women.

TRAVELING. See Traveling--Women.

WEDDINGS. See Weddings--Women.



WRITTEN CARDS are in bad taste, but in case of
necessity may be used. The name should be
written in full if not too long, and should
be the autograph of the sender.



YOUNGER SON. See Son (Younger).

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