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The Book of Good Manners

W >> W. C. Green >> The Book of Good Manners






TOASTS--WEDDINGS. Toasts to the bride and groom
are customary at the wedding breakfast or
supper.

If the groom gives a farewell bachelor dinner,
he should propose a toast to the bride.



THEATRE PARTIES. See also CHAPERONE-MEN.
CHAPERONE-THEATRE.



THIRD PERSON-USED IN CORRESPONDENCE. While it
was formerly the correct usage to begin
formal communications in the third person, it
is now the custom to begin such letters: MY
DEAR MRS SMITH, or MADAM.

The third person would be used only in
writing to a workman, a strange servant, or
a business firm.



TIN WEDDING. After ten years of marriage, occurs
the tin wedding. The invitations sent out
may have the words: NO PRESENTS RECEIVED.
Congratulations may be extended in accepting
or declining the invitation.

Every conceivable device made of tin is
appropriate as a gift, but, as these are limited,
ingenuity may be displayed in getting up
oddities. An entertainment may follow.



TIPPING.
At balls. It is not customary to tip the servants
at a private ball, but at a public one
it is usual to give a tip to the attendant at
the cloak-room.

At christenings. The father usually gives
the nurse at a christening a sum of money,
and the mother gives her some article of
dress or piece of jewelry.

At house; parties. See HOUSE PARTIES. GUESTS.
TIPPING SERVANTS. Also under names of
servants--as, COACHMAN.



TITLES.
MEN'S CARDS. Men having titles use them before
their names--as, REVEREND, REV. MR.,
REV. DR., Army and Navy titles, and
officers on the retired list.

LL.D. and all professional titles are placed
after the name. Political and judicial titles
are always omitted.

Physicians may use DR. before or M.D.
after their names. On cards intended for
social use, office hours and other professional
matters are omitted.

WOMEN'S CARDS. The same principles govern
the titles on women's cards, with the addition
that women should never use titles of their
husbands.



TOOTHPICKS should not be used in public. If necessity
requires it, raise the napkin over the
mouth, with the hand behind it, using the
toothpick as quickly as possible.



TOWN, RETURNING TO-WOMEN. Cards of the entire
family should be sent by mail to all acquaintances
when returning after a prolonged
absence.

When using cards, if out of town, the
place of a woman's permanent residence can
be written on the card thus: NEW YORK.
PHILADELPHIA.



TRAVELERS' VISITING-CARDS. A woman visiting a place
for a length of time should mail to her friends
a visiting-card containing her temporary address.

A man in a similar situation should call
upon his friends, and if he does not find
them at home should leave his card.



TRAVELING.

MEN WITH WOMEN. When traveling with a
woman, a man should see to the checking
and care of her baggage.

MEN. As it is exceedingly trying and difficult
for a woman to stand in a railroad train while
it is in motion, it is the height of good manners
for a man to offer her his seat and to
insist on her taking it.

EXPENSES. On a short boat or railroad trip a
man should pay the expenses of a woman
who accompanies him by his invitation. But
on a long trip she should insist on paying
her share, and he should accept her decision.
Of course, he is at liberty, however, to pay
all the expenses of slight entertainments-as,
fruit, magazines, etc.

He should see to the care of her baggage
and all other details.

PARLOR-CAR. When traveling a long distance
accompanied by a woman, a man should secure
seats in the parlor-car.

While it is admissible to offer assistance to
a woman traveling in a parlor-car without an
escort, it should be done in the most polite
and delicate manner, and be perfectly agreeable to her.

WOMEN. If a woman arrives at a strange place,
especially a large city, and no one meets her,
she should ask the station porter to attend to
her baggage and all such details, and, if
traveling farther, to see to her ticket and to
find for her the right train.

If at the end of her journey she gives him
the address she desires to go to and her trunk
checks, he should procure a carriage for her.
This saves her much worry and annoyance
and needless risk.

The same suggestions apply to steamboat
travel.

EXPENSES. If a woman is asked by a man to
take a short boat or railroad trip, he should
pay her fare and all other expenses. But if
on a long trip--as, a summer outing--and she
is escorted by a man, she should insist on
paying her own fare and all expenses, allowing
him, however, to pay the expenses of
slight entertainment--as, fruit, magazines,
etc.

PARLOR-CAR. Her escort should attend to all
details of traveling. If she is traveling
alone, she should always ride in the parlor-car
and have the porter attend to her wants.
While it may be proper to accept in a parlor-car
attentions from a man if he is accompanied
by a woman, the greatest caution is
required if he is alone; in fact, it is well to be
on one's guard, when traveling alone, against
the attentions of both men and women.



TREASURY, SECRETARY OF--HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, Sir, the
honor to remain your most obedient servant

A social letter begins: My Dear MR. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain
most sincerely yours.


The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary Of Treasury.



TROUSSEAU, WEDDING. The bride exhibits the trousseau
at a dinner given to the bridesmaids and
maid of honor a few days before the wedding.



TURNING DOWN CORNER OF VISITING-CARDS. This
should not be done.



TUXEDO. The Tuxedo coat and waistcoat are worn
at all informal affairs when no women are
present, such as small theatre parties (when
not occupying a box), bowling and card
parties, restaurants, and the like.

It may be worn on the street in the
evening with a low hat. A black tie should
always be worn, and never, under any
circumstances, a white one.
See also EVENING DRESS--MEN.



UMBRELLAS.
MEN CALLING ON WOMEN. When making a
formal or brief call, the umbrella should be
left in the hall.

CARRYING. Umbrellas should be carried
vertically, never horizontally, thereby endangering
other persons' eyes. Especially is this
important when entering cars or going up long
flights of steps--as, at an elevated railroad
station.



USHERS. A sufficient number of ushers should be
provided for to allow of two for each aisle.
A good plan is to have one selected as the
master of ceremonies, and for him to go to
the church on the wedding-day in ample
time to personally see that all the details
have been carried out. They should be
present at all rehearsals.

The ushers are usually presented by the
groom with some small trinket, such as a
pin, as a souvenir of the occasion.

CALLS. The ushers should call upon the married
couple as soon as the latter have returned
from their wedding trip.

CHURCH. The ushers should arrive at the
church before the guests.

Each usher should have a list of all the
intended guests for whom special places are set
aside, and should check off the names of the
guests as they arrive. He should know the
various guests and where to place them; but
if he does not know them personally, he
should consult his list.

The upper ends of the middle aisles of
both sides are usually reserved for invited
guests, and are distinguished from the rest
of the church by having a white ribbon or a
string of flowers stretched across the aisle.
The immediate family and special guests
occupy the front seats, the family and the
guests of the bride taking the left side and
those of the groom the right side of the
aisle. Other guests should be given the best
seats, according to their priority in arriving.

It is in bad taste for an usher to reserve
seats for his own friends as against the
first-comers.

In seating guests, the usher should give
his left arm to a woman and escort her to
her seat while her escort follows.

Before the arrival of the bridal party the
ushers take the ribbons at either end, and,
walking the length of the aisle, close it
against intrusion. Upon the arrival of the
bride they form in pairs in the vestibule and
lead the procession, followed by the bridesmaids,
also in pairs. When they approach
the altar they separate, one-half to the right
and one-half to the left. The bridesmaids do
likewise, and stand in front of the ushers.

At the conclusion of the ceremony they
follow last in the procession to the vestibule,
where, after giving their best wishes to the
bride and congratulations to the groom, they
hasten as soon as possible to the bride's home
to assist in introducing and meeting the
guests at the reception or breakfast.

DRESS. At a morning or afternoon wedding they
wear black frock coats.

At an evening wedding they wear full
evening dress, also white kid gloves, which are
not removed during the ceremony.
Hats should be left in the vestibule.

FLOWERS. If the boutonniers are given by the
bride, they should go to her house to receive
them and to have her place them in the lapels
of their coats; or the boutonniers may be
kept at the church in the care of the sexton.

GLOVES. For morning or an afternoon wedding
the gloves are gray. At an evening wedding
the gloves are white kid. The gloves are
not removed during the ceremony.

JEWELRY. They wear the scarf-pins or cuff-
buttons given to them by the groom.

NECKTIES. At a morning or afternoon wedding
the neckties are usually of some delicate color.
At an evening wedding the neckties are
white, as is customary with evening dress.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The ushers pair off with
the bridesmaids, and are usually seated at a
table assigned to them.

WEDDING RECEPTIONS. The ushers, should
introduce the guests to the groom and bride,
calling the latter "Mr. and Mrs. A.," beginning
with the relatives and friends, and continuing
with the others till all have been introduced.
In introducing the guests, the usher should
offer his arm to the woman, and if not
knowing her, should ask her her name, while her
escort follows and is introduced at the same
time. The bride may request the usher to
introduce the guests to the parents.



VALET.

TIPS. It is customary for a man leaving after a
house party to give to the valet who has
waited upon him at least one dollar and more,
in proportion for added attention.

WITH MASTER ON VISIT. As a general rule,
few American men take their valets with
them when they visit. But when such is the
case, the valet would wait upon his master,
and should give as little care to the household
as possible.



VEIL

MOURNING. See Widow-Mourning.

WEDDING. This should be white. While its
length depends upon the wishes of the bride,
the long veil is more in keeping with the
traditions and customs of the ceremony.

Verbal Invitations. All invitations should be sent
by mail, and verbal invitations avoided if
possible; if one is given, it should be
followed by one in writing.



VICE-PRESIDENT--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Sir, and ends, I have, sir, the honor
to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr.
Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain
most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: The Vice-
President, John J. Wilson.



VISCOUNT--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor
to be your Lordship's obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: The
Right Honorable Viscount Wilson.

A social letter begins: Dear Lord
Wilson, and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord
Wilson, very sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Viscount Wilson.



VISCOUNTESS--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to
remain your Ladyship's most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope reads: To the
Right Honorable, the Viscountess of Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Kent,
sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope reads: To the
Viscountess of Kent.



VISCOUNT.

DAUGHTER OF. See Daughter of Viscount.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON. See Wife of Younger
Son of Viscount.

YOUNGER SON OF. See Son (Younger) of Viscount.



Visiting-cards. See Cards, Visiting.



VISITORS TO TOWN--CARDS. Visitors to town should
send cards to every one whom they desire to
see, with the address written on the cards.

VOUCHERS. These are safeguards against the
admission of uninvited guests at a subscription
ball, and take the form of cards to be shown
at the door.

When a person sends one of these vouchers
and an invitation to a person, he should
enclose one of his calling cards.



"WALLFLOWERS." This is the name commonly
applied to young women at a ball who do
not dance because of lack of partners. It
should be the aim of the hostess, with the
aid of her sons and daughters, to find
partners for such young women.



WAR, SECRETARY OF--HOW ADDRESSED, An official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the
honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain most
sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of War.



WEDDING.

BREAKFAST. See Wedding Reception or Breakfast.

CAKE. At the conclusion of the wedding break-
fast the cake is placed before the bride, who
first cuts a piece, and then it is passed to the
others. More often it is put up in small
white boxes and given to the guests, or
the boxes containing the cake are placed on a
table in the hallway, and the guests each
take one on their departure.

DAY. The wedding-day is named by the bride,
and her mother's approval is asked by the
groom.

It is not customary for the bride to see the
groom on the wedding-day till she meets him
at the altar.

KISS. The kiss in the ceremony is being done
away with, especially at church weddings.
Only the bride's parents and her most
intimate friends should kiss her, and for others
to do so is no longer good form.

RECEPTIONS OR BREAKFASTS. The married
couple, on arriving at the house of the bride,
place themselves in a convenient location,
and, assisted by the best man, maid of honor,
and the parents of both parties, receive the
invited guests. Congratulations are given
to the groom and best wishes to the bride.

A reception is more often given than a
breakfast, as it allows more invitations and
more freedom, and the refreshments are
placed on the tables, so that the guests help
themselves or are served by the bridesmaids.

The guests wait upon the married couple.

At a breakfast, when the congratulations
are over, the breakfast is announced, and
the married couple lead the way to the table
reserved for them. Parents of both parties,
the best man, and the maid of honor are
usually placed at this table.

Guests leave a card for the host and hostess
and another for the married couple.

Invitations are sent with the wedding
invitations, but only to the nearest relatives and
friends.

They should be immediately acknowledged,
either by letter of acceptance or declination
with regret.

TRIP. All details should be arranged before-
hand by the best man, who knows the
destination, and should keep it an inviolate
secret, revealing it only in case of accident.

It is becoming the fashion for the married
couple to do away with the trip, and instead
to begin their married life in their own home.

VEIL. This should be white. While its length
depends upon the wishes of the bride, the
long veil is more in keeping with the
traditions and customs of the wedding ceremony.

WOMEN-CARDS. When invitations have been
received to the church but not to the
wedding reception, cards should be sent to the
bride's parents and to the bridal couple.



WEDDINGS.

AISLE PROCESSION. See Weddings-Procession
Up the Aisle.

ANNIVERSARIES. See Anniversaries-Wedding.

ANNOUNCEMENTS. Announcement cards are sent
the day after the wedding, and need not be
acknowledged. They should be prepared
beforehand and ready to be mailed. The
expense is borne by the family of the bride.
At a home or a private wedding, announcement
cards can be sent to friends out of town.

AT HOME. See Home Weddings.

BEST MAN. See Best Man.

BEST WISHES. Best wishes should be given to
the bride and congratulations to the groom.

BOUQUETS. The bouquet carried by the bride is
furnished by the groom, who may also provide
bouquets for the bridesmaids if he wishes.

BRIDE. See Bride.

BRIDESMAIDS. See Bridesmaids.

CAKE. See Wedding Cake.

CALLS. See Weddings-Invitations-Calls.

CARDS OF ADMISSION TO CHURCH. These cards
are used at all public weddings held in
churches, and when used no one should be
admitted to the church without one. They
are sent with the wedding invitations.

They are kept in stock by the stationer,
and are not expensive.

CARDS, VISITING, AFTER MARRIAGE. Mr. and
Mrs. cards are used by the wife only within
one year after the marriage, after which
separate cards are in order. These Mr. and
Mrs. cards are used in sending gifts,
congratulations, condolence, and at ceremonious
affairs, when both the husband and wife are
represented.

CARRIAGES. Carriages should be provided to
take the bride and her family to the church
and back to the house, and also the guests
from the church to the receptions.

The expense is borne by the family of the
bride, save for the carriage used by the
groom, which takes him and the best man to
the church, and later takes the married
couple to the house, and after the reception,
to the station.

CHOIR-BOYS. See CHOIR-BOYS AT WEDDINGS.

CONGRATULATIONS. Congratulations may be
sent with letter of acceptance or declination
of an invitation to a wedding to those
sending the invitations. And if acquaintance
with bride and groom warrant, a note of
congratulations may be sent to them also.

Guests in personal conversation with the
latter give best wishes to the bride and
congratulations to the groom.

CHURCH. See BEST MAN--CHURCH. BRIDE--CHURCH.
BRIDESMAIDS--CHURCH. GROOM--CHURCH. USHERS-CHURCH.

DANCES. It is not usual to have dances after the
wedding.

DEPARTURE OF MARRIED COUPLE. See WEDDINGS--MARRIED
COUPLE.

DRESS. See BEST MAN--DRESS. BRIDE--DRESS.
GROOM-DRESS. WEDDINGS-GUESTS-DRESS,
ETC.

EXPENSES. All the expenses are borne by the
bride's family, except the fees for the license,
clergyman, organist, and sexton. The wedding-ring,
the carriages for the groom, ushers,
best man, and the carriage which takes away
the married couple, are also paid for by the
groom.

He also furnishes souvenirs to the maid of
honor and bridesmaids, best man and ushers,
and all expenses of the wedding trip.

If the groom gives a farewell bachelor dinner,
he bears all expenses.

FAREWELL BACHELOR DINNERS. See Groom-
Farewell Dinner.

FAREWELL BRIDAL LUNCHEON. See Bride--
Farewell Luncheons.

FEES. The wedding fee, preferably gold or
clean bills in sealed envelope, is given by the
best man to the officiating clergyman.
Custom leaves the amount to the groom, who
should give at least five dollars or more, in
proportion to his income and social position.
The clergyman usually gives the fee to his
wife.

FLOWER GIRLS. See Flower Girls.

FLOWERS are in general use. The quantity and
quality of floral decorations must depend
upon the taste and the wealth of the parties
concerned.

BRIDE. The bride, if she desires, carries at the
wedding ceremony a bouquet given by the
groom. Flowers are sometimes dispensed
with, and a Prayer-Book used.

CHURCH. In addition to the palms in the chancel,
a string of flowers or white ribbons is stretched
across the middle aisle, to reserve this place
for the immediate family and specially invited guests.

USHERS. Boutonnieres, provided by the bride's
family, should be given to the sexton by the
florist on the wedding-day. They may be
made of lilies of the valley, white roses, or
the like.

Sometimes the ushers call at the house of
the bride to have her fix them in the lapel of
their coats.

GIFTS. The nearest members of each family
should arrange among themselves what gifts
to send, and thus avoid duplicates.
Expensive presents are sent only by most intimate
friends, and articles of utility by relatives or
near friends. All gifts should be sent within
two months of date of marriage, and should
have thereon the woman's maiden name,
initial cipher, or monogram, and should be
acknowledged by the bride at the earliest
moment, and not later than ten days after
her marriage.

It is not in good taste to make an ostentatious
display of the gifts, and if they are exhibited,
the cards of the donors should be removed,
and only intimate friends invited.

Those sending gifts should have the courtesy
of an invitation to the wedding breakfast
or reception.

If any gifts are sent to the groom, they
should bear his initial.

A wedding invitation does not necessarily
imply that a gift must be sent, as the sending
of a gift is optional.

GROOM. See Groom.

GUESTS-BREAKFASTS OR RECEPTIONS. The
invited guests leave the church for the bride's
residence, and there are introduced by the
ushers to the married couple and those standing
up with them. If the guests are unknown to
the ushers, they should give their names to
one of them, who offers his left arm to the woman,
while her escort follows and is introduced at the same time.

At the breakfast, guests are usually assigned places,
but, if not, may take any
seat. Only the specially invited guests await
the departure of the married couple, which
ends the reception or breakfast.

If boxes of wedding-cake are placed on a
table, each guest takes one on his departure.

GUESTS-CALLS. Invited guests should call at
least within ten days and leave their cards.

DRESS. Broadly speaking, at a morning or afternoon
wedding the guest wears afternoon dress,
and at an evening wedding evening dress.
From the latter rule there are no deviations
possible, but in the former there is
greater latitude. Thus it would be possible
for a man to wear a black cutaway coat at
an afternoon wedding.

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