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The Book of Good Manners

W >> W. C. Green >> The Book of Good Manners




After the congratulations of the clergyman,
she parts the bridal veil, arranges the
bride's train, and follows the bride down the
aisle to the vestibule.

Here, after giving her best wishes to the
bride, she takes her carriage to the bride's
house to take part in the reception or breakfast.

DAY OF WEDDING. She should be at the house
of the bride on the morning of the wedding-day
to assist the bride's mother, to see that
the trousseau is all ready and packed, that
the bridesmaids are on time, and to attend
to the many details liable to arise.

DRESS. Her dress should be some delicate color
other than white, so as not to detract from
the bride, and should be subdued in comparison.
It may be, and usually is, more
elegant in quality than that of the bridesmaids.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The best man escorts the
maid of honor, and they are usually seated
at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. She stands next the
bride to receive with her, and also retires
with her to assist the latter in exchanging
her wedding dress for the traveling-dress.

It is her privilege to cast a slipper at the
carriage which takes away the married
couple, and her duty to prepare packages of
rice, which are given to the guests to be
thrown after the married couple as they
leave the house.



MAIL, INVITATIONS SENT BY. All invitations should be
sent by mail and verbal ones avoided.



MAIL OR MESSENGER, SENDING CARDS BY.
See CARDS, VISITING--SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER.



MAN SERVANTS--TIPS. It is customary for a man,
at the end of a house party, to give to the
man servant who has acted as his valet a
suitable tip.



MARCHIONESS-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor
to remain your Ladyship's most obedient
servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Most Noble the Marchioness of Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Kent, very
sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Marchioness of Kent.



MARCHIONESS, DOWAGER--HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have
the honor to remain your Ladyship's most
obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Kent, very
sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope in both cases
is: To the Dowager Marchioness of Kent, or
To Mary, Marchioness of Kent.



MARQUIS--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
My Lord Marquis, and ends: I have the
honor to be your Lordship's obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Most Noble the Marquis of Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lord Kent
and ends: Believe me, Lord Kent, very sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Marquis of Kent.



MARQUIS.

DAUGHTER OF. See DAUGHTER OF MARQUIS.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF. See WIFE OF
YOUNGER SON OF MARQUIS.

YOUNGER SON OF. See SON (YOUNGER) OF MARQUIS.



MARKING WEDDING PRESENTS. While it is not strictly
necessary that wedding presents be marked,
yet it is customary, and they should always
be marked with the bride's maiden name, unless
specially intended for the groom's individual
use.



MATINEES. Proper music should be provided.

The refreshment-room should be within
easy reach. Light dainties should be served
occasionally to those not caring to go to the
refreshment-room.

DRESS. If after six o'clock, evening dress should
be worn; otherwise, afternoon dress.

HOST. The head of the house need not be present.

HOSTESS. The hostess and those assisting her
should not dance, unless all her guests are
provided with partners or are otherwise
entertained.

INVITATIONS. These may be written or engraved,
with Dancing and the hour for beginning in
the lower left-hand corner. They should be
sent two weeks in advance, and should be
promptly answered.

MEN. Gloves should be worn when dancing.
See also BALLS. COTILLIONS. DANCES. DANCING.



MAYOR OF A CITY--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Sir, or Your Honor, and ends: I
have the honor, sir, to remain your obedient
servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mayor
Wilson, or, Dear Mr. Wilson, and ends:
Believe me, most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: His Honor,
the Mayor of Kent, John J. Wilson.



MEN.

ADDRESSING ENVELOPES. See ADDRESSING
ENVELOPES--MEN.

AFTERNOON DRESS. See AFTERNOON DRESS--MEN.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS--MEN.

BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS--MEN.

BACHELORS' TEAS. See BACHELORS' TEAS--MEN.

BALLS. See BALLS--MEN.

BICYCLING. See BICYCLING--MEN.

BOWING. See BOWING--MEN.

BREAKFASTS. See BREAKFASTS--MEN.

CALLS. See CALLS--MEN.

CARDS. See CARDS, VISITING--MEN.

CHAPERONES. See CHAPERONES--MEN.

CHRISTENINGS. See CHRISTENINGS--MEN.

CONCLUSION OF LETTERS. See CONCLUSION OF A LETTER--MEN.

COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS. See COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS--MEN.

DANCES. See DANCES--MEN.

DANCING. See DANCING--MEN.

DEBUTANTE. See DEBUTANTE--MEN.

DINNERS. See DINNERS--MEN.

DRIVING. See DRIVING--MEN.

DRESS. See DRESS--MEN.

ENGAGEMENT. See ENGAGEMENT--MEN.

EVENING DRESS. See EVENING DRESS--MEN.

FLOWERS. See FLOWERS--MEN.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS--MEN.

GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES--MEN.

GLOVES. See GLOVES--MEN.

HIGH TEA. See HIGH TEA--MEN.

HOUSE PARTIES. See HOUSE PARTIES--MEN.

INTRODUCTIONS. See INTRODUCTIONS--MEN.

INVITATIONS. See INVITATIONS--MEN.

JEWELRY. See JEWELRY--MEN.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS--MEN.

MORNING DRESS. See MORNING DRESS--MEN.

MOURNING. See MOURNING--MEN.

NEWCOMER, RESIDENTS' DUTY TO. See NEWCOMER,
RESIDENTS' DUTY TO MEN.
RIDING. See RIDING--MEN.

SALUTATIONS. See SALUTATIONS--MEN.

SHAKING HANDS. See SHAKING HANDS--MEN.

STATIONERY. See STATIONERY--MEN.

STREET-CARS. See STREET-CARS--MEN.

STREET ETIQUETTE. See STREET ETIQUETTE--MEN.

THEATRE PARTIES. See THEATRE PARTIES--MEN.

TITLES. See TITLES--MEN.

TRAVELING. See TRAVELING--MEN.

WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS--MEN.



MESSENGER, SENDING CARDS BY. See CARDS, VISITING--
SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER.



MINISTER (PROTESTANT)-HOW ADDRESSED, An official
letter begins: Reverend Dear Sir, and ends:
I remain sincerely yours.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I beg to remain sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: The
Reverend John J. Wilson. but if the clergyman
holds the degree of D.D. (Doctor of
Divinity), the address may be: The Reverend
John J. Wilson, D.D., or Reverend Dr. John
J. Wilson.



MINISTER. See CLERGYMAN.



MISS. This is the prefix both in conversation,
correspondence, and on the visiting-card of the
eldest daughter, the next daughter being
known as Miss Annie Smith; but on the
death or marriage of the eldest daughter, she
becomes Miss Smith.



MONOGRAMS. If men and women wish, these may
be stamped in the latest colors on their
stationery. When the address is stamped, it
is not customary to stamp the monogram.

The latest fashion in the style of monograms
require that they should be the size of
a ten-cent piece.

All individual eccentricities of facsimiles
of handwriting, etc., should be avoided.

It is not customary to have the monogram
on the flap of the envelope.

If sealing-wax is used, it should be of some
dull color.



MORNING DRESS.
MEN. Morning costume consists of a dark frock
coat, with vest and light trousers. This can
be worn at any entertainment occurring in
the daytime--as, weddings, luncheons, receptions
of all kinds, matinees, or ceremonious visits.

Anything worn is admissible in morning
dress, a business suit, cutaway, sack suit,
hats or caps, and undressed kid gloves of a
dark color.

At out-of-town resorts, golf, wheeling, and
yachting costumes suitable for outdoor sport
may be worn in the morning.

It is considered the correct thing for a man
to tie his own tie instead of buying them
ready made.

See also AFTERNOON DRESS--MEN. EVENING
DRESS--MEN.



MOTHER. A mother should receive an invitation for
any function to which her daughters are
invited, and should go and return with them.

DEBUTS. The mother and the elder unmarried
daughter, prior to the debut, calls formally
upon those who are to be invited. She
stands at her daughter's side to receive the
congratulations of the guests, and at a dance
she selects the first partner to dance with the
debutante, and at the dinner or supper is
escorted by the most distinguished man.
See also CHAPERONE.



MOTHER OF BRIDE. At the wedding reception she is
escorted by the father of the groom, and
receives with the married couple.

At the wedding breakfast she is escorted
by the father of the groom.



MOTHER OF GROOM. At the wedding reception she
receives with the married couple.

At the wedding breakfast she is taken in
by the father of the bride, following after
the ushers and the maids of honor.



MOURNING. Those in mourning for parent, child,
brother, or husband should not be seen at
any public function or private entertainment
before six months have passed.

CARDS. These are the same size as visiting-cards.
A black border is used, the width to be
regulated by the relationship to the deceased
relative.

They should be sent to indicate temporary
retirement from and re-entrance into society.

Within a month after death in a family
friends should leave cards. The persons
receiving the same should acknowledge the
remembrance and sympathy when they are
ready to resume their social functions. This
may be done by letter or card.

MEN. Mourning cards are the same size as
visiting-cards, and a black border is used, the
width to be regulated by the relationship of
deceased relative.

WOMEN. Mourning cards should be sent, to
indicate temporary retirement from society.
Later cards should be sent, to indicate return
to society.

CHILDREN. Children under twelve need not be
dressed in mourning, though they often are.
Only the lightest material should be used.
Girls of more advanced age do not wear veils,
but crape may be worn in hat or dress,
according to taste.

For parent, brother, or sister, mourning is
worn for about one year.

MEN. Men wear mourning one year for loss of
wife.

A crape band should be worn around the
hat, its width being determined by the
nearness of the relative mourned for. It is
usually removed after eight months.

A widower wears mourning for one year,
or, if he wishes, eighteen months, and for a
brother, sister, parent, or a child, from six
months to a year, as he desires. For the
loss of other relatives, duration of mourning
is generally regulated by the members of the
family.

The wearing of a black band on the coat
sleeve in token of half-mourning is an
English custom, and is somewhat practised in
this country.

STATIONERY-MEN. A widower uses a black
border about one-third of an inch on his
stationery, and this at intervals is diminished.

All stamping should be done in black.

WOMEN. A widow's stationery should be heavily
bordered, and is continued as long as she
is in deep mourning. This is gradually
decreased, in accordance with her change of
mourning.

All embossing or stamping should be done
in black.

WEDDINGS. Mourning should never be worn at
a wedding, but it should be laid aside
temporarily, the wearer appearing in purple.

WIDOWS. A widow should wear crape with a
bonnet having a small border of white. The
veil should be long, and worn over the face
for three months, after which a shorter veil
may be worn for a year, and then the face
may be exposed. After six months white
and lilac may be used, and colors resumed
after two years.

WOMEN. The mourning dress of a woman for
parent, sister, brother, or child is the same
as that worn by a widow, save the white
bonnet ruche--the unmistakable mark of a
widow.

For parents and children, deepest mourning
is worn at least one year, and then the
change is gradually made by the addition of
lighter material or half-mourning.

For other members of the family--as, aunts,
uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc.--black
clothes should be worn, but not heavy
mourning.

Complimentary mourning is worn for three
months; this does not necessitate crape and
veil, but any black material can be used.

WOMEN, FOR CHILDREN. For a child, mourning
is usually worn for six months, thereafter
substituting black and white.

FOR BROTHER AND SISTER, ETC. Mourning for
a brother or sister, step-parents, or grandparents
is the same as for parents, but the
time is shorter, generally about six months.
For an aunt, uncle, or cousin the time is
three months.

FOR FIANCE. In the event of the death of a
woman's betrothed shortly before the date of
the wedding, she may wear black for a short
period or full mourning for a year.

FOR HUSBANDS. Mourning cards are sent out, to
indicate that they are not making or receiving
calls.

Mourning is generally worn for two years,
and sometimes much longer. Woolen
material of the deepest black and crape
should be worn during the first year.

When out-of-doors a crape veil should be
worn for a year, or at least three months,
covering the face, or, if preferred, the veil
may be thrown over the shoulder, and a
small one of tulle, or other suitable material,
edged with crape, worn over the face.

A crape bonnet should be worn, and a very
small white ruche may be added if desired.

After the first year a gradual change to
lighter mourning may be made by discarding
the widow's cap and shortening the veil.
Dull silks are used in place of crape,
according to taste. In warm weather lighter
materials can be worn--as, pique, nun's
veiling, or white lawn.

Black furs and sealskin may be worn.
Precious stones, such as diamonds and pearls,
may be used if mounted in black enamel.
Gold jewelry should not be used. A woman
should avoid all pretensions to excessive
styles.

FOR HUSBAND'S RELATIVES. A married woman
wears mourning for her husband's immediate
relatives.

FOR PARENTS AND GRANDCHILDREN. Mourning
for these persons is generally worn for one
year. During the first six months, black
material trimmed with crape is used, and also
a deep veil, which is thrown over the back of
the head and not worn over the face, as for a
husband. After this period the mourning
may be lightened, according to taste.

See also DEATH IN THE FAMILY. FUNERALS.



MR. AND MRS. CARDS ( VISITING). These cards are not
generally used for ceremonious calls after the
first series of return calls made by the
bride.

If the husband is unable, the first year
after marriage, to make formal calls, his wife
uses the Mr. and Mrs. cards, and such is
accepted as a call from him. But after
one year she should leave their separate
cards.

These are used on formal occasions-as,
returning a first call, condolence, congratulations,
or P. P. C.--when both the husband
and wife are represented.

When they are used the first year after
marriage, they should have the address in
right-hand corner and reception days in
lower left-hand corner.

The card should read:
Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Wren Wilson



MUSIC.

WEDDINGS. The organist and the music are
usually selected by the bride. Before her
arrival, the organist plays some bright
selection; but on her entering the church and
passing up the aisle, he plays the wedding
march.

AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL). Music is always
appropriate on these occasions.



MUSICALES.

DRESS. The rule would be that at an afternoon
affair afternoon dress would be worn, and
evening dress at an evening affair.

HOURS. For an afternoon musicale, the hours
are usually from four to six. For an
elaborate evening drawing-room concert, any hour
may be selected.

INVITATIONS. These are sent out two weeks
before the event. If entertainment is in the
evening, they should be issued by husband
and wife. If given in honor of a prominent
person at any hour whatever, the cards
should be engraved, and in either case the
word Music should appear in the lower left-
hand corner.

These should be acknowledged at once by
a letter of acceptance or regret.



NAPKINS, when in use, are laid on the lap, and, when
finished with, are not folded up unless one is a
guest for a few days; on all other occasions
they are left unfolded. A good plan is to
follow the example of the hostess.

When fruit is brought on, a small fruit
napkin is placed across the knee or held in
the right hand, with which to hold the fruit,
and when it is no longer needed, it should
be laid beside the plate.



NAVY, SECRETARY OF--HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the
honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain
most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of the Navy.



NEW ACQUAINTANCES.

WOMEN. New acquaintances should not be invited
to entertainments unless agreeable to
all concerned.

An entertainment can be given to meet
new acquaintances if there be some special
reason for so doing.

Elderly persons and professional people can
send their cards to younger persons if they
wish to continue acquaintance.



NEWCOMERS.

BALL INVITATIONS. It is allowable for a new-
comer wishing to give a ball to borrow the
visiting list of some friend; but she should
enclose in each invitation a calling card of this
friend, so that the invited ones may know
that the friend is acting as a sponsor.

DUTY OF. No effort should be made to obtain
recognition of older residents.

Visits from neighbors should be returned
within a week. If from any reason a newcomer
is unable to call, a note stating the
reason should be sent.

If visit of neighbor's male relative is desired,
a woman may send him a written or
verbal invitation; but if visit is not desired,
no notice is taken of his card, in the event of
one having been left.

RESIDENTS' DUTY TO MEN. When calling, kinswoman
leaves cards of all the male members
of family who are in society. If these cards
left by kinswoman are not followed by an
invitation to call, it is presumed that the
acquaintance is not desired. Men can not
call upon women of the family of new resident,
unless invited to do so by either verbal
or written message.

RESIDENTS' DUTY TO WOMEN. The newcomer
receives the first call from the older resident,
which should be made within a reasonable
time. Women making the first call, leave
their own card and those of the male members
of the family.

It is unnecessary to be introduced in the
absence of letters of introduction. Visits
should be of short duration.



OLIVES are eaten with the fingers.



OPERA. See THEATRE.



ORANGES, served in divided sections, sweetened, and
the seeds removed, should be eaten with the
fork. If served whole, cut into suitable
portions. Remove seed and skin.



ORGANIST AT WEDDINGS. The organist is selected by
the bride, but the fee is paid by the groom.



OVERCOAT--MEN CALLING ON WOMEN. When making a
formal or brief call, the overcoat should be
left in the hall.



P. P. C. CARDS (VISITING). These letters--standing
for Pour prendre conge (To take leave)--are
written in the lower left-hand corner of the
visiting-card. These cards are used as a
formal farewell to such friends and
acquaintances whose friendship it is desired to
continue.

They may be left in person, or sent upon
departure from city or winter or summer
resort. They are rarely used in brief visits,
and should only be used at the close of a
season.

Care should be exercised in sending them,
as an oversight in so doing may cause the
loss of good friends.



PAGES AT WEDDINGS. At the wedding, if pages are
present, they are usually dressed in satin
court costumes, and carry the bride's train.



PALL-BEARERS. It is not good taste to ask relatives to
be pall-bearers. The usual number is six to
eight elderly men for elderly person, and of
young men for a young man. Six young
women in white would be a suitable number
to act as pall-bearers for a young woman.

Pall-bearers should be asked either by note
or by a representative of the head of the
family of the deceased.

The pall-bearers assemble at the house at
the appointed hour, and there take the
carriages reserved for them. They disperse
after the church service.

Except in the case of young women, carriages
are not sent to bring pall-bearers to
the house.

CALLS. After accepting an invitation to act as a
pall-bearer, a man should call at the house of
the bereaved and leave his card.

A few days after the funeral he should call
again and leave his card. If he wishes, he
may simply ask at the door after the women
of the family.

DRESS. The pall-bearers wear black frock coat,
trousers, and waistcoat, a black silk hat with
a mourning band, black shoes, and black kid
gloves. The linen should be white

FLOWERS. Unless there has been a request not
to send flowers, a pall-bearer may do so after
his first call.

If he wishes, a few days after the funeral
he may send flowers to the women of the
family with his card, on which should be
written: With the compliments of -----.

INVITATIONS. The invitation should be promptly
accepted or declined, and if accepted only
illness or unavoidable absence from the city
would excuse a man from attending.



PAPER WEDDING. The first wedding anniversary is
called the paper wedding, and is not usually
celebrated. If, however, it is celebrated,
the invitations may bear the words: No
presents received. Congratulations should be
extended in accepting or declining the
invitations. Any article of paper would be an
appropriate gift. An entertainment should
follow.



PARTIES. These are less formal than balls.

They generally begin at nine or nine-thirty,
with dancing at ten-thirty or eleven. The
supper precedes the dancing. Those who do
not take part in the dancing may leave
before it begins.

INVITATIONS. These are engraved, giving hour
for beginning in lower left-hand corner, and
should be sent two weeks in advance. One
envelope only need be used. They should
be answered promptly.

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