The Book of Good Manners

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THE BOOK OF GOOD MANNERS

A GUIDE TO POLITE USAGE
FOR ALL SOCIAL FUNCTIONS

W. C. GREEN

THE BOOK OF GOOD MANNERS is a complete and authentic authority
on every single phase of social usage as practiced in America. The author
has compiled the matter in dictionary form in order to give the reader the
desired information as briefly and clearly as possible, and with the least
possible effort in searching through the pages.

ACCEPTING OR DECLINING INVITATIONS. See INVITATIONS,
ACCEPTING OR DECLINING.

ACCIDENTS. See STREET ETIQUETTE--MEN--ACCIDENTS.

ADDRESS. The address of a person may be stamped
on the stationery.

If the address is stamped, it is not customary
to stamp also the crest or monogram.

ADDRESSING ENVELOPES.

MEN. A man should be addressed as Mr. James
J, Wilson, or James J. Wilson, Esq. Either
the Mr. or the Esq. may be used, but not
the two together.

The title belonging to a man should be
given. It is not customary to use Mr. or
Esq. when Jr. or Sr. is used.

WOMEN. A woman's name should always have
the Miss or Mrs.

A woman should never be given her husband's
official title, as Mrs. Judge Wilson.

If a woman has a title of her own, she
should be addressed as Dr. Minnie Wilson,
when the letter is a professional one. If
a social letter, this should be Miss Minnie
Wilson, or Mrs. Minnie Wilson.

ADDRESSING PERSONS. Young girls should be spoken
of as Minnie Wilson, and not as Miss Minnie,
but are personally addressed as Miss Minnie.
Only the greatest intimacy warrants a man
in addressing a young girl as Minnie.

Parents should introduce their daughter
as My daughter Minnie, but should speak
of them before servants as Miss Minnie.

A married woman should be spoken of as
Mrs. Agnes Wilson, and personally addressed
as Mrs. Wilson.

ADDRESSING AND SIGNING LETTERS. All answers to
invitations should be addressed to the party
issuing them.

Letters to a woman who is a comparative
stranger may begin My dear Mrs. Wilson,
and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mrs.
Wilson.

Letters to a man who is a comparative
stranger may begin My dear Mr. Wilson,
and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mr.
Wilson.

For forms of addressing persons with titles,
as Mayor, see under that title--as, Mayor,
Governor.

The letters may end, Sincerely yours, or
Very truly yours, or I remain yours with
kindest regards.

The signature of a man should be John J.
Wilson or J. Jones Wilson.

An unmarried woman should sign social
letters as Minnie Wilson, and a business letter
as Miss Minnie Wilson. A married woman
should sign a social letter as Agnes Wilson.
In signing a business letter, a married woman
may either sign her name Mrs. Agnes Wilson,
or, preferably,

Agnes Wilson
(Mrs. John Wilson)

AFTERNOON CALLS. These should be made between
three and half-past five, and if possible on
regular at home days.

In making an afternoon call a man should
wear the regulation afternoon dress.

DRESS--MEN. Afternoon dress consists of a
double-breasted frock coat of dark material,
and waistcoat, either single or double-
breasted, of same, or of some fancy material
of late design. The trousers should be of
light color, avoiding of course extremes in
patterns.

White or delicate color linen shirts should
be worn, patent leather shoes, silk hat and
undressed kid gloves of dark color.

Afternoon dress is worn at weddings, afternoon
teas, receptions, garden parties, luncheons,
church funerals, and at all afternoon
functions.

See also EVENING DRESS--MEN. MORNING
DRESS--MEN.

AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS. See AFTERNOON TEAS.
GIVEN BY BACHELORS, See BACHELORS' TEAS.

AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL). These are very successful
as a rule, due perhaps to their small expense
and few exactions, and are given with
many purposes: to introduce young women
into society, to allow a hostess to entertain a
number of her friends, to honor some woman
of note, etc.

A formal afternoon tea is one for which
cards have been issued, naming set date.

Awnings and carpet should be provided
from curb to house. A man should be stationed
at the curb to open carriage doors and
call them when the guests leave, and another
African Teas man should be in attendance at the
front door to open it the moment a guest appears
at the top step and to direct him to the dressing-room.

A policeman should be detailed for the occasion
to keep back the onlookers, and should
receive a small fee for his services.

At the door of the drawing-room a man
should ask the name of each guest, which he
announces as the latter enters. The hostess
and those receiving with her should be just
within the door to receive the guests.

CARDS. Each guest should leave a card in the
tray in the hall.

A woman may leave the cards of the men
of her family who have been unable to attend.

Cards should be sent by mail or messenger
by those invited but unable to be present, and
should be timed so that they reach the house
during the function.

A husband and wife each send a card when
the invitation is issued in the name of the
hostess only, and two cards each when issued
in the name of hostess and her daughter. If
issued in the name of both husband and
wife, a husband should send two and his wife
should send one card.

DAUGHTERS. The daughters who have passed
the debutante age usually stand for an hour
beside their mother to receive the guests,
and afterward mingle with the guests to help
to make the function a success.

DEBUTANTE. When a tea is given in honor of
a debutante, she stands beside the hostess
(usually her mother), and each guest is introduced
to her. Flowers should be liberally
provided, and friends may contribute on such
an occasion.

The host and the men all wear the regulation
afternoon dress.

Women wear costumes appropriate to the
afternoon, more elegant in proportion to the
elaborateness of the function.

Guests may suit their convenience in
arriving, provided they do not come at the
opening hour nor at the very end.

After leaving their wraps in the dressing-
rooms, guests enter the drawing-room, leaving
their cards in the tray in the hall, and
then giving their names to the man at the
door, who announces them.

On entering the room, the women precede
the men.

After greeting the hostess and being introduced
to those receiving with her, the guests
move into the middle of the room.

Guests go the dining-room when they
wish without greeting the hostess.

It is not expected that guests at a large reception
will stay all the afternoon. Twenty
minutes is long enough. It is not necessary
to bid the hostess good-bye when leaving.
If guests take leave of host and hostess,
they should shake hands.

In the dining-room the men, assisted by
the waiters, help the women.

When the reception is a small formal one,
the guests may stay a longer time, and usually
it is better to take leave of the hostess,
unless she is much occupied at the time.

HOST. Except when a newly married couple
give a house-warming or a reception, the host
does not stand beside his wife, but spends
the time in making introductions, and doing
his best to make the function a success.

When some married woman or woman
guest of honor assists his wife to receive, he
should at the proper moment escort her to
the dining-room.

HOSTESS. The hostess and those receiving with
her should be just within the door, ready to
receive each guest as announced.

The hostess shakes hands with each guest,
and introduces them to those receiving with
her.

Friends assisting a hostess to entertain are
generally permitted to invite a few of their
own friends, and their cards are sent with
those of the hostess. A pretty feature is the
presence of a number of young women here
and there in the rooms to assist in receiving
the guests. Music is always appropriate.

HOURS. The hours are from 4 to 7 P.M.

INTRODUCTIONS. The hostess should introduce
her guests to those receiving with her.
See also INTRODUCTION.

INVITATIONS. Engraved invitations are sent a
week or ten days in advance, by mail or messenger.

They are usually issued in the name of the
hostess only, though they may be issued in
the name of both husband and wife.

In place of the visiting-card, an "At
Home" card may be used, or cards specially
engraved for the purpose.

When cards are sent to a married couple,
the cards are addressed to both husband and
wife.

Invitations are sent in two envelopes-the
inner one unsealed and bearing the name of
the guest, and the outer one sealed, with, the
street address.

INVITATIONS, ANSWERING. It is not necessary
to accept or decline these invitations, as the
guest accepts by his presence. If unable to
do so, he should send by mail or messenger
a visiting-card, to reach the hostess during
the ceremony.

When the invitation has been issued in the
name of the hostess only, a husband and wife
each send a card, and if in the name of hostess
and her daughter, each should send two
cards. If the invitation has been issued in
the name of the husband and wife, the wife
should send one and a husband two cards.

If the woman in the family is the only one
present at the function, she can leave cards
for the rest of the family.

MEN. Both the host and men wear the regulation
afternoon dress, consisting of the long
frock coat with single or double-breasted
waistcoat to match, or of some fancy cloth,
and gray trousers. White linen, a light tie,
a silk hat, gray gloves, and patent leather
shoes complete the costume.

The overcoat, hat, and cane are left in
the dressing-room, and the guest removes one
or both gloves as he pleases--remembering
that he must offer his ungloved right hand
to the hostess.

SHAKING HANDS. Guests on being presented to
the hostess should shake hands. If guest
takes leave of hostess, they should shake
hands. If the hostess is surrounded by
guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.

WOMEN. Women leave cards of their male relatives
as well as their own, even though their
names may be announced upon entering.
Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided
for the purpose, or give them to the
servant at the door.

Women wear a costume appropriate for
the afternoon, and keep their hats and
gloves on.

AFTERNOON TEAS (INFORMAL). An afternoon tea is a
simple entertainment. Refreshments are
generally served to the guests. An innovation
lately introduced has become quite popular
--namely, young women, invited for
the purpose, wait upon the guests, bringing
in one dainty at a time.

An afternoon tea is called a formal afternoon
tea when engraved cards have been
issued, naming set date.

CARDS. Guests should leave cards in the hall, or
hand them to the servant. Women may
leave the cards of the men of her family.
Those unable to attend should send card the
same afternoon by mail or messenger.

See also AFTERNOON TEAS (Formal)-Cards.

DRESS. Both men and women wear afternoon dress.

GUESTS. All guests, both men and women, wear
afternoon dress.

Guests may suit their convenience in arriving
or departing--provided they do not
come at the opening hour, nor stay to the
last moment.

After the guests have left their wraps in
the dressing-rooms, they leave their cards in
the tray in the hall and enter the drawing-
room, the women preceding the men.

After greeting the hostess and being introduced
to those assisting her, the guests quietly move
away and mingle with the rest.

Each guest goes to the dining-room when
he pleases and leaves when he wishes. It is
not necessary upon departure to shake hands
with the hostess at a large reception, though
it is better to do so at a small affair.

It is not necessary for a guest to stay the
entire evening; twenty minutes is sufficient.

HOST. If present, he does not receive with his
wife. It is not essential that he be present
on such an occasion.

HOSTESS. The hostess wears full dress. Daughters
may assist, or young women may be asked to do so.

HOURS. From four to seven.

INVITATIONS. For an afternoon tea a visiting-
card may be used with the hour and date
written or engraved on it. They may be sent
by mail or messenger.

The invitation need not be acknowledged.

AFTERNOON WEDDING RECEPTIONS are conducted the
same as Wedding Receptions, which see.

AGRICULTURE, SECRETARY OF--HOW ADDRESSED. An
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have sir,
the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of Agriculture.

AISLE PROCESSION.
See WEDDING PROCESSION.

ANGLICAN CHURCH ARCHBISHOP.
See ARCHBISHOP.

ANGLICAN CHURCH BISHOP.
See BISHOP.

ANNIVERSARIES--WEDDING. These are as follows:

First year...................Paper

Fifth year.................Wooden

Tenth year ..................Tin

Twelfth year.............Leather

Fifteenth year ..........Crystal

Twentieth year.............China

Twenty-fifth year.........Silver

Thirtieth year ............Ivory

Fortieth year.............Woolen

Forty-fifth year............Silk

Fiftieth year............ Golden

Seventy-fifth year...... Diamond

Less attention is now paid than formerly
to all those before the silver wedding. For
specific information, see SILVER WEDDING, TIN
WEDDING, etc.

ANNOUNCEMENT--ENGAGEMENT.
See ENGAGEMENT PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT.

ANNOUNCING GUESTS--BALLS. The hostess decides
whether or not the guests are to be announced.
At public balls it is customary.

ANSWERING INVITATIONS.
See under FUNCTIONS, as
DINNERS, INVITATIONS, etc.

APPLES should be pared, cut into small pieces, and
eaten with finders or forks.

ARCHBISHOP OF ANGLICAN CHURCH--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official letter begins: My Lord Archbishop,
may it please your Grace, and ends:
I remain, My Lord Archbishop, your Grace's
most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Lord
Archbishop, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
my dear Lord Archbishop.

The address on the envelop is: The Most
Reverend, His Grace the Archbishop of Kent.

ARCHBISHOP OF ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official or social letter begins:
Most Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I
have the honor to remain your humble servant.

The address on the envelope is: The Most
Reverend John J. Wilson, Archbishop of Kent.

ARTICHOKES are eaten with the fingers, taking off leaf
by leaf and dipping into the sauce. The
solid portion is broken up and eaten with a
fork.

ASPARAGUS. The stalks may be taken between the
finger and the thumb, if they are not too
long, or the green end may be cut off and
eaten with a fork, scraping off with the
knife what is desired from the remaining
part.

AT HOMES.

AFTERNOON AT HOMES. The days for receiving
are engraved in the lower left hand
corner of the card, with hours specified if one
wishes.

No changes should be made in these hours
by the hostess unless for exceptional reasons,
and she should always be present at the
time set.

Unless very intimate, the call should be
made only on the specified days.

BACHELORS. It is not customary for a bachelor
to use "At Home" cards as a woman does,
nor to invite his friends by writing a date
and Music at four on his calling-cards in
place of an invitation.

DRESS. In the afternoon the caller should wear
afternoon dress, and in the evening evening
dress.

ACKNOWLEDGING INVITATIONS. Invitations to
an ordinary at home need no acknowledgment.

INVITATIONS. Cards for an "At Home" are engraved
with the hour for beginning the
entertainment--as, Chocolate at 4.30 o'clock.
The invitations to a formal "At Home"
should be sent in two envelopes, but to an
ordinary "At Home" in one envelope. For
informal affairs the hour may be written on
an ordinary "At Home" card.

BACHELORS' DINNERS. They follow the usual custom
of formal dinners, and may be as elaborate as
desired. Women may be invited. Such
dinners are often given for men only.

CALLS. Women do not call upon a bachelor
after attending a dinner given by him.

CHAPERONE. If women are present, a married
woman as chaperone is indispensable, and
her husband must also be invited. The host
should call upon the chaperone and personally
request the favor.

The chaperone is taken into dinner by the
host, unless the latter takes in the woman in
whose honor the dinner may be given. In
the latter case, the chaperone is seated at the
host's left. She gives the signal for the
women to leave the dining-room.

All guests should be introduced to the
chaperone, and she should be called upon
after a short time by the host.

DRESS. All guests wear evening dress.

HOST. The host should call upon the chaperone
within a few days after the dinner.

If men only are present, he either precedes
or follows the guests into the dining-room,
and if he has given the dinner in honor of
some man, he has the latter seated at his
right. His duties are the same as the host
at dinners.

INVITATIONS. These are usually given in brief
notes, but may be engraved, and are similar
to the regular invitations to dinners, and are
treated accordingly.

MEN. The men wear evening dress, and follow
the same etiquette as at other dinners.

WOMEN. The women wear evening dress, and
follow the same etiquette as at all dinners,
except that no calls are made by them afterward
upon the host.

BACHELOR'S FAREWELL DINNER. If the groom wishes,
he may give a farewell dinner a few evenings
before the wedding to his best man, ushers,
and a few intimate friends. He sits at the
head of the table and the best man opposite,
and on this occasion he may give scarf-pins,
link cuff-buttons--or neckties and gloves, if
he wishes--to the best man and ushers.

BACHELORS' LUNCHEONS. These are conducted like
BACHELOR'S DINNERS, which see. The one difference
is that, should the luncheon be given
before 6 P.M., afternoon dress should be worn.

BACHELORS' OPERA PARTIES. See THEATRE AND OPERA
PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN.

BACHELORS' SUPPERS. These are conducted the same
as BACHELOR'S DINNERS, which see.

BACHELORS' TEAS OR AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS.

CHAPERONES. If women are present, a married
chaperone is indispensable, who should be
the first person invited by personal call.

The chaperone at a small affair pours the
tea, and at a large one she receives with the
host, and each guest is presented to her.

The host conducts the chaperone to her
carriage, and also any other women who may
have assisted her.

DRESS. The hosts and guests wear afternoon
dress.

INVITATIONS. These maybe oral, brief notes, or,
for a large affair, engraved, and should be
sent from three days to a week in advance.

HOST. The host should greet his guests at the
door, shaking hands with each one, and introducing
to the chaperone those not known
to her.

He introduces guests who are strangers to
each other, bids them adieu, accompanies the
women to the door, and escorts the chaperone
to her carriage, and if she has come
alone without one, may very properly escort
her home.

If at a large reception several women have
helped him entertain, he should thank them
and see them to their carriages.

He will, of course, see that there is provided
a dressing-room for women with a maid to
wait upon them, and that the rooms are in
good order, well furnished with flowers, and
that the refreshments are attended to.
See also INVITATIONS.

MEN. Afternoon dress is worn.

WOMEN. The invitations, engraved or oral,
should be promptly acknowledged.

Women wear dress customary at afternoon
teas, and on their entrance should greet the
host. Upon departing they take leave of him,
though this is not necessary if the reception
be a large one.

If a young woman knows that a chaperone
is present, she need not have her own chaperone
accompany her.

If the chaperone leaves early, she should do
likewise.

BACHELORS' THEATRE PARTY. See THEATRE AND OPERA
PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN.

BADGES--BALLS (PUBLIC). It is customary for men
and women on the committees to wear on the
left side of the breast ornamental badges,
embroidered with the official position of the
wearer.

BAGGAGE. If a man is traveling with a woman, he
should see to the checking and care of her
baggage.
See also TRAVELING.

WEDDING TRIP. The best man should, some
time before the wedding, see that the baggage
of the bridal couple has been checked, and
the checks given to the groom.
See also BEST MAN.

BALLS. A ball is an evening function, beginning at
a late hour, devoted wholly to dancing. The
costumes are more elaborate, the supper arrangements
more extensive, and the floral
decorations more lavish than at a dance.

ACCEPTING INVITATION TO DANCE. While a
young woman may accept or decline any invitation
to dance, it is considered an act of discourtesy
to refuse one man for a dance and
to accept an invitation thereafter for the
same dance from another.

ANNOUNCING GUESTS. The hostess decides
whether or not the guests are to be announced.
At public balls it is customary.

ANSWERING INVITATIONS. These should be answered
immediately, and if declined, the
ticket should be returned.

ARRIVING AT. There is no set rule when guests
should arrive.

In the city, guests should arrive anywhere
between eleven and twelve, and in the country,
fifteen minutes after the hour set in the
invitation.

ASKING WOMEN TO DANCE. A man asks for
the privilege of a dance either with the
daughter of the hostess, with any guest of
the latter, or with any young woman receiving
with her.

On being introduced to a woman, he may
ask her for a dance, and should be punctual
in keeping the engagement.

It is her privilege to end the dance at any
moment she wishes, after which he should
conduct her to her chaperone or find a seat
for her, after which he is at liberty to go
elsewhere.

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