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The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

T >> Tobias Smollett >> The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle




As all the hopes of propagating his own name had perished, and his
relations lay under the interdiction of his hate, it is no wonder
that through the familiarity and friendly intercourse subsisting
between him and Mr. Gamaliel, he contracted a liking for the boy,
who by this time entered the third year of his age, and was indeed
a very handsome, healthy, and promising child; and what seemed to
ingratiate him still more with his uncle, was a certain oddity of
disposition, for which he had been remarkable even from his cradle.
It is reported of him, that before the first year of his infancy
was elapsed, he used very often, immediately after being dressed,
in the midst of the caresses which were bestowed upon him by his
mother, while she indulged herself in the contemplation of her own
happiness, all of a sudden to alarm her with a fit of shrieks and
cries, which continued with great violence till he was stripped
to the skin with the utmost expedition by order of his affrighted
parent, who thought his tender body was tortured by the misapplication
of some unlucky pill; and when he had given them all this disturbance
and unnecessary trouble, he would he sprawling and laughing in their
faces, as if he ridiculed the impertinence of their concern. Nay,
it is affirmed, that one day, when an old woman who attended in
the nursery had by stealth conveyed a bottle of cordial waters to
her mouth, he pulled his nurse by the sleeve, by a slight glance
detected the theft, and tipped her the wink with a particular
slyness of countenance, as if he had said, with a sneer, "Ay, ay,
that is what you must all come to." But these instances of reflection
in a babe nine months old are so incredible, that I look upon them
as observations, founded upon imaginary recollection, when he was
in a more advanced age, and his peculiarities of temper became
much more remarkable; of a piece with the ingenious discoveries
of those sagacious observers, who can discern something evidently
characteristic in the features of any noted personage whose character
they have previously heard explained. Yet without pretending
to specify at what period of his childhood this singularity first
appeared, I can with great truth declare, that when he first attracted
the notice and affection of his uncle, it was plainly perceivable.

One would imagine he had marked out the commodore as a proper object
of ridicule, for almost all his little childish satire was leveled
against him. I will not deny that he might have been influenced
in this particular by the example and instruction of Mr. Hatchway,
who delighted in superintending the first essays of his genius. As
the gout had taken up its residence in Mr. Trunnion's great toe,
from whence it never removed, no not for a day, little Perry took
great pleasure in treading by accident on this infirm member;
and when his uncle, incensed by the pain, used to damn him for a
hell-begotten brat, he would appease him in a twinkling, by returning
the curse with equal emphasis, and asking what was the matter with
old Hannibal Tough? an appellation by which the lieutenant had
taught him to distinguish this grim commander.

Neither was this the only experiment he tried upon the patience of
the commodore, with whose nose he used to take indecent freedoms,
even. while he was fondled on his knee. In one month he put him to
the expense of two guineas in seal-skin; by picking his pocket of
divers tobacco-pouches, all of which he in secret committed to the
flames. Nor did the caprice of his disposition abstain from the
favourite beverage of Trunnion, who more than once swallowed a whole
draught in which his brother's snuff-box had been emptied, before
he perceived the disagreeable infusion; and one day, when the
commodore had chastised him by a gentle tap with his cane, he fell
flat on the floor as if he had been deprived of all sense and motion,
to the terror and amazement of the striker; and after having filled
the whole house with confusion and dismay, opened his eyes, and
laughed heartily at the success of his own imposition.

It would be an endless and perhaps no very agreeable task, to enumerate
all the unlucky pranks he played upon his uncle and others, before
he attained the fourth year of his age; about which time he was
sent, with an attendant, to a day-school in the neighbourhood, that
(to use his good mother's own expression) he might be out of harm's
way. Here, however, he made little progress, except in mischief,
which he practised with impunity, because the school-mistress
would run no risk of disobliging a lady of fortune, by exercising
unnecessary severities upon her only child. Nevertheless, Mrs. Pickle
was not so blindly partial as to be pleased with such unseasonable
indulgence. Perry was taken out of the hands of this courteous
teacher, and committed to the instruction of a pedagogue, who was
ordered to administer such correction as the boy should in his
opinion deserve. This authority he did not neglect to use, his pupil
was regularly flogged twice a day; and after having been subjected
to this course of discipline for the space of eighteen months,
declared the most obstinate, dull, and untoward genius that ever
had fallen under his cultivation; instead of being reformed, he
seemed rather hardened and confirmed in his vicious inclinations,
and was dead to all sense of fear as well as shame.

His mother was extremely mortified at these symptoms of stupidity,
which she considered as an inheritance derived from the spirit of
his father, and consequently insurmountable by all the efforts of
human care. But the commodore rejoiced over the ruggedness of his
nature, and was particularly pleased when, upon inquiry, he found
that Perry had beaten all the boys in the school; a circumstance
from which he prognosticated everything that was fair and fortunate
in his future fate: observing, that at his age he himself was just
such another. The boy, who was now turned of six, having profited
so little under the birch of his unsparing governor, Mrs. Pickle
was counselled to send him to a boarding-school not far from London,
which was kept by a certain person very eminent for his successful
method of education. This advice she the more readily embraced,
because at that time she found herself pretty far gone with another
child that she hoped would console her for the disappointment she
had met with in the unpromising talents of Perry, or at any rate
divide her concern, so as to enable her to endure the absence of
either.





CHAPTER XII.




Peregrine is sent to a boarding-school--Becomes remarkable for his
Genius and Ambition.


The commodore, understanding her determination, to which her husband
did not venture to make the least objection, interested himself
so much in behalf of his favourite, as to fit him out at his own
charge, and accompany him in person to the place of his destination;
where he defrayed the expense of his entrance, and left him to
the particular care and inspection of the usher, who having been
recommended to him as a person of parts and integrity, received
per advance a handsome consideration for the task he undertook.

Nothing could be better judged than this piece of liberality; the
assistant was actually a man of learning, probity, and good sense;
and though obliged by the scandalous administration of fortune
to act in the character of an inferior teacher, had, by his sole
capacity and application, brought the school to that degree of
reputation, which it never could have obtained from the talents of
its superior. He had established an economy, which, though regular,
was not at all severe, by enacting a body of laws suited to the age
and comprehension of every individual; and each transgressor was
fairly tried by his peers, and punished according to the verdict
of the jury. No boy was scourged for want of apprehension, but
a spirit of emulation was raised by well-timed praise and artful
comparison, and maintained by a distribution of small prizes, which
were adjudged to those who signalized themselves either by their
industry, sobriety, or genius.

This tutor, whose name was Jennings, began with Perry, according
to his constant maxim, by examining the soil; that is, studying
his temper, in order to consult the bias of his disposition, which
was strangely perverted by the absurd discipline he had undergone.
He found him in a state of sullen insensibility, which the child
had gradually contracted in a long course of stupefying correction;
and at first he was not in the least actuated by that commendation
which animated the rest of his school-fellows; nor was it in the
power of reproach to excite his ambition, which had been buried,
as it were, in the grave of disgrace; the usher, therefore, had
recourse to contemptuous neglect, with which he affected to treat
this stubborn spirit; foreseeing that if he retained any seeds of
sentiment, this weather would infallibly raise them into vegetation;
his judgment was justified by the event; the boy in a little time
began to make observations; he perceived the marks of distinction
with which virtue was rewarded, grew ashamed of the despicable
figure he himself made among his companions, who, far from courting,
rather shunned his conversation, and actually pined at his own want
of importance.

Mr. Jennings saw and rejoiced at his mortification, which he suffered
to proceed as far as possible, without endangering his health. The
child lost all relish for diversion, loathed his food, grew pensive,
solitary, and was frequently found weeping by himself. These
symptoms plainly evinced the recovery of his feelings, to which his
governor thought it now high time to make application; and therefore
by little and little altered his behaviour from the indifference
he had put on, to the appearance of more regard and attention. This
produced a favourable change in the boy, whose eyes sparkled with
satisfaction one day, when his master expressed himself, with a
show of surprise, in these words: "So, Perry! I find you don't want
genius, when you think proper to use it." Such encomiums kindled
the spirit of emulation in his little breast; he exerted himself
with surprising alacrity, by which he soon acquitted himself of
the imputation of dullness, and obtained sundry honorary silver
pennies, as acknowledgments of his application; his school-fellows now
solicited his friendship as eagerly as they had avoided it before;
and in less than a twelvemonth after his arrival, this supposed
dunce was remarkable for the brightness of his parts; having in
that short period learnt to read English perfectly well, made great
progress in writing, enabled himself to speak the French language
without hesitation, and acquired some knowledge in the rudiments
of the Latin tongue. The usher did not fail to transmit an account
of his proficiency to the commodore, who received it with transport,
and forthwith communicated the happy tidings to the parents.

Mr. Gamaliel Pickle, who was never subject to violent emotions,
heard them with a sort of phlegmatic satisfaction, that scarce
manifested itself either in his countenance or expressions; nor
did the child's mother break forth into that rapture and admiration
which might have been expected, when she understood how much the
talents of her first-born had exceeded the hope of her warmest
imagination. Not but that she professed herself well pleased with
Perry's reputation; though she observed that in these commendations
the truth was always exaggerated by schoolmasters, for their own
interest; and pretended to wonder that the usher had not mingled
more probability with his praise. Trunnion was offended at her
indifference and want of faith and believing that she refined too
much in her discernment, swore that Jennings had declared the truth,
and nothing but the truth; for he himself had prophesied, from the
beginning, that the boy would turn out a credit to his family. But
by this time Mrs. Pickle was blessed with a daughter, whom she had
brought into the world about six months before the intelligence
arrived; so that her care and affection being otherwise engrossed,
the praise of Perry was the less greedily devoured. The abatement
of her fondness was an advantage to his education, which would
have been retarded, and perhaps ruined, by pernicious indulgence,
and preposterous interposition, had her love considered him as
an only child; whereas her concern being now diverted to another
object, that shared, at least, one-half of her affection, he was
left to the management of his preceptor, who tutored him according
to his own plan, without any let or interruption. Indeed all his
sagacity and circumspection were but barely sufficient to keep the
young gentleman in order; for now that he had won the palm of victory
from his rivals in point of scholarship, his ambition dilated, and
he was seized with the desire of subjecting the whole school by
the valour of his arm. Before he could bring his project to bear,
innumerable battles were fought with various success; every day a
bloody nose and complaint were presented against him, and his own
visage commonly bore some livid marks of obstinate contention.
At length, however, he accomplished his aim; his adversaries were
subdued, his prowess acknowledged, and he obtained the laurel in
war as well is in wit. Thus triumphant, he was intoxicated with
success: his pride rose in proportion to his power and, in spite
of all the endeavours of Jennings, who practised every method he
could invent for curbing his licentious conduct, without depressing
his spirit, he contracted a large proportion of insolence, which
series of misfortunes that happened to him in the sequel could
scarce effectually tame. Nevertheless there was a fund of good
nature and generosity in his composition; and though he established
a tyranny among his comrades, the tranquility of his reign was
maintained by the love rather than by the fear of his subjects.

In the midst of all this enjoyment of empire he never once violated
that respectful awe with which the usher had found means to inspire
him; but he by no means preserved the same regard for the principal
master, an old illiterate German quack, who had formerly practised
corn-cutting among the quality, and sold cosmetic washes to the
ladies, together with teeth-powders, hair-dyeing liquors, prolific
elixirs, and tinctures to sweeten the breath. These nostrums,
recommended by the art of cringing, in which he was consummate,
ingratiated him so much with people of fashion, that he was enabled
to set up school with five-and-twenty boys of the best families,
whom he boarded on his own terms and undertook to instruct in the
French and Latin languages, so as to qualify them for the colleges
of Westminster and Eton. While this plan was in its infancy,
he was so fortunate as to meet with Jennings, who, for the paltry
consideration of thirty pounds a year, which his necessities compelled
him to accept, took the whole trouble of educating the children
upon himself, contrived an excellent system for that purpose, and,
by his assiduity and knowledge, executed all the particulars to
the entire satisfaction of those concerned, who, by the bye, never
inquired into his qualifications, but suffered the other to enjoy
the fruits of his labour and ingenuity.

Over and above a large stock of avarice, ignorance, and vanity,
this superior had certain ridiculous peculiarities in his person,
such as a hunch upon his back, and distorted limbs, that seemed to
attract the satirical notice of Peregrine, who, young as he was,
took offence at his want of reverence for his usher, over whom he
sometimes chose opportunities of displaying his authority, that the
boys might not misplace their veneration. Mr. Keypstick, therefore,
such as I have described him, incurred the contempt and displeasure
of this enterprising pupil, who now being in the tenth year of
his age, had capacity enough to give him abundance of vexation. He
underwent many mortifying jokes front the invention of Pickle and
his confederates; so that he began to entertain suspicion of Mr.
Jennings, who he could not help thinking had been at the bottom of
them all, and spirited up principles of rebellion in the school,
with a view of making himself independent. Possessed with this
chimera, which was void of all foundation, the German descended
so low as to tamper in private with the boys, from whom he hoped
to draw some very important discovery; but he was disappointed in
his expectations; and this mean practice reaching the ears of his
usher, he voluntarily resigned his employment. Finding interest
to obtain holy orders in a little time after, he left the kingdom,
hoping to find a settlement in some of our American plantations.

The departure of Mr. Jennings produced a great revolution in the
affairs of Keypstick, which declined from that moment, because he had
neither authority to enforce obedience, nor prudence to maintain
order among his scholars: so that the school degenerated into
anarchy and confusion, and he himself dwindled in the opinion of
his employers, who looked upon him as superannuated, and withdrew
their children front his tuition.

Peregrine seeing this dissolution of their society, and finding
himself every day deprived of some companion, began to repine at his
situation, and resolved, if possible, to procure his release from
the jurisdiction of the person whom he both detested and despised.
With this view he went to work, and composed the following billet,
addressed to the commodore, which was the first specimen of his
composition in the epistolary way:--

"Honoured and Loving Uncle,--Hoping you are in good health,
this serves to inform you, that Mr. Jennings is gone, and
Mr. Keypstick will never meet with his fellow. The school
is already almost broke up, and the rest daily going away;
and I beg of you of all love to have me fetched away also,
for I cannot bear to be any longer under one who is a perfect
ignoramus, who scarce knows the declination of musa, and is
more fit to be a scarecrow than a schoolmaster; hoping you
will send for me soon, with my love to my aunt, and my duty
to my honoured parents, craving their blessing and yours. And
this is all at present from, honoured uncle, your well-beloved
and dutiful nephew and godson, and humble servant to command
till death,
"Peregrine Pickle."


Trunnion was overjoyed at the receipt of this letter, which he
looked upon as one of the greatest efforts of human genius, and as
such communicated the contents to his lady, whom he had disturbed
for the purpose in the middle of her devotion, by sending a message
to her closet, whither it was her custom very frequently to retire.
She was out of humour at being interrupted, and therefore did not
peruse this specimen of her nephew's understanding with all the
relish that the commodore himself had enjoyed; on the contrary, after
sundry paralytical endeavours to speak (for her tongue sometimes
refused its office), she observed that the boy was a pert jackanapes,
and deserved to be severely chastised for treating his betters
with such disrespect. Her husband undertook his godson's defence,
representing with great warmth that he knew Keypstick to be a
good-for-nothing pimping old rascal, and that Perry showed a great
deal of spirit and good sense in desiring to be taken from under
his command; he therefore declared that the boy should not live a
week longer with such a shambling son of a b--, and sanctioned this
declaration with abundance of oaths.

Mrs. Trunnion, composing her countenance into a look of religions
demureness, rebuked him for his profane way of talking; and asked,
in a magisterial tone, if he intended never to lay aside that brutal
behaviour. Irritated at this reproach, he answered, in terms of
indignation, that he knew how to behave himself as well as e'er a
woman that wore a head, bade her mind her affairs, and with another
repetition of oaths gave her to understand that he would be master
in his own house.

The insinuation operated upon her spirits like friction upon a glass
globe: her face gleamed with resentment, and every pore seemed to
emit particles of flame. She replied with incredible fluency of
the bitterest expressions: he retorted equal rage in broken hints
and incoherent imprecations: she rejoined with redoubled fury; and
in conclusion he was fain to betake himself to flight, ejaculating
curses against her; and muttering something concerning the
brandy-bottle, which, however, he took care should never reach her
ears.

From his own house he went directly to visit Mrs. Pickle, to whom
he imparted Peregrine's epistle, with many encomiums upon the
boy's promising parts: and, finding his commendations but coolly
received, desired she would permit him to take his godson under
his own care.

This lady, whose family was now increased by another son, who seemed
to engross her care for the present, had not seen Perry during
a course of four years, and, with regard to him, was perfectly
weaned of that infirmity known by the name of maternal fondness:
she therefore consented to the commodore's request with great
condescension, and a polite compliment to him on the concern he
had all along manifested for the welfare of the child.





CHAPTER XIII.




The Commodore takes Peregrine under his own care--The Boy arrives
at the Garrison--Is strangely received by his own Mother--Enters
into a Confederacy with Hatchway and Pipes, and executes a couple
of waggish Enterprises upon his Aunt.


Trunnion having obtained this permission, that very afternoon
despatched the lieutenant in a post-chaise to Keypstick's house,
from whence in two days he returned with our young hero, who being
now in the eleventh year of his age, had outgrown the expectation
of all his family, and was remarkable for the beauty and elegance
of his person. His godfather was transported at his arrival, as
if he had been actually the issue of his own loins: he shook him
heartily by the hand, turned him round and round, surveyed him
from top to bottom, bade Hatchway take notice how handsomely he
was built; and squeezed his hand again, saying,--"D-- ye, you dog,
I suppose you don't value such an old crazy son of a b-- as me a
rope's end. You have forgot how I was wont to dandle you on my knee,
when you was a little urchin no bigger than a davit, and played a
thousand tricks upon me, burning my 'bacco-pouches and poisoning
my rumbo. O! d-- ye, you can grin fast enough I see; I warrant you
have learnt more things than writing and the Latin lingo."

Even Tom Pipes expressed uncommon satisfaction on this joyful
occasion; and, coming up to Perry, thrust forth his fore paw, and
accosted him with the salutation of "What cheer, my young master?
I am glad to see thee with all my heart." These compliments being
passed, his uncle halted to the door of his wife's chamber, at which
he stood hallooing, "Here's your kinsman, Perry: belike you won't
come and bid him welcome."--"Lord, Mr. Trunnion," said she, "why
will you continually harass me in this manner with your impertinent
intrusion?"-"I harrow you!" replied the commodore: "'sblood!
I believe your upper works are damaged: I only came to inform you
that here was your cousin, whom you have not seen these four long
years; and I'll be d--d if there is such another of his age within
the king's dominions, d'ye see, either for make or mettle: he's a
credit to the name, d'ye see: but, d-- my eyes, I'll say no more
of the matter: if you come, you may; if you won't, you may let
it alone."--"Well, I won't come, then," answered his yoke-fellow,
"for I am at present more agreeably employed."--"Oho! you are. I
believe so too," cried the commodore, making wry faces and mimicking
the action of dram-drinking. Then, addressing himself to Hatchway,
"Prithee, Jack," said he, "go and try thy skill on that stubborn
hulk: if anybody can bring her about, I know you wool."

The lieutenant accordingly, taking his station at the door, conveyed
his persuasion in these words: "What, won't you turn out and hail
little Perry? It will do your heart good to see such a handsome
young dog; I'm sure he is the very moral of you, and as like as if
he had been spit out of your own mouth, as the saying is: do show
a little respect for your kinsman, can't you?" To this remonstrance
she replied, in a mild tone of voice, "Dear Mr. Hatchway, you are
always teasing one in such a manner: sure I am, nobody can tax
me with unkindness, or want of natural affection." So saying, she
opened the door, and, advancing to the hall where her nephew stood,
received him very graciously and observed that he was the very
image of her papa.

In the afternoon he was conducted by the commodore to the house of
his parents; and, strange to tell, no sooner was he presented to
his mother, than her countenance changed, she eyed him with tokens
of affliction and surprise, and, bursting into tears, exclaimed her
child was dead, and this was no other than an impostor whom they
had brought to defraud her sorrow. Trunnion was confounded at this
unaccountable passion, which had no other foundation than caprice
and whim; and Gamaliel himself was so disconcerted and unsettled
in his own belief, which began to waver, that he knew not how
to behave towards the boy, whom his godfather immediately carried
back to the garrison, swearing all the way that Perry should never
cross their threshold again with his good-will. Nay, so much was
he incensed at this unnatural and absurd renunciation, that he
refused to carry on any further correspondence with Pickle, until
he was appeased by his solicitations and submission, and Peregrine
owned as his son and heir. But this acknowledgment was made without
the privity of his wife, whose vicious aversion he was obliged,
in appearance, to adopt. Thus exiled from his father's house, the
young gentleman was left entirely to the disposal of the commodore,
whose affection for him daily increased, insomuch that he could
scarcely prevail upon himself to part with him, when his education
absolutely required that he should be otherwise disposed of.

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