Johann von Goethe - "Iphigenie auf Tauris"

Thomas Carlyle - "History of Friedrich II of Prussia V 19"

Harold B Wright - "The Winning of Barbara Worth"

Robert Herrick (1868 1938) - "Together"

The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

T >> Tobias Smollett >> The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle





Meanwhile Lieutenant Hatchway made shift to hobble to the church,
where he informed the company of what had happened to the commodore:
and the bride behaved with great decency on the occasion; for, as
she understood the danger to which her future husband was exposed,
she fainted in the arms of her sister-in-law, to the surprise of all
the spectators, who could not comprehend the cause of her disorder;
and when she was recovered by the application of smelling-bottles,
earnestly begged that Mr. Hatchway and Tom Pipes should take her
brother's coach, and go in quest of their commander.

This task they readily undertook, being escorted by all the rest of
his adherents on horseback; while the bride and her friends were
invited to the parson's horse, and the ceremony deferred till
another occasion.

The lieutenant, steering his course as near the line of direction
in which Trunnion went off, as the coach-road would permit, got
intelligence of his track from one farm-house to another; for such
an apparition could not fail of attracting particular notice; and
one of the horsemen having picked up his hat and wig in a by-path,
the whole troop entered the village where he was lodged, about
four o'clock in the afternoon. When they understood he was safely
housed at the George, they rode up to the door in a body, and
expressed their satisfaction in three cheers; which were returned
by the company within, as soon as they were instructed in the
nature of the salute by Trunnion, who, by this time, had entered
into all the jollity of his new friends, and was indeed more than
half-seas-over. The lieutenant was introduced to all present as
his sworn brother, and had something tossed up for his dinner. Tom
Pipes and the crew were regaled in another room; and, a fresh pair
of horses being put to the coach, about six in the evening the
commodore, with all his attendants, departed for the garrison,
after having shook hands with every individual in the house.

Without any further accident, he was conveyed in safety to his own
gate before nine, and committed to the care of Pipes, who carried
him instantly to his hammock, while the lieutenant was driven away
to the place where the bride and her friends remained in great
anxiety, which vanished when he assured them that his commodore
was safe, being succeeded by abundance of mirth and pleasantry at
the account he gave of Trunnion's adventure.

Another day was fixed for the nuptials; and in order to balk the
curiosity of idle people, which had given great offence, the parson
was prevailed upon to perform the ceremony in the garrison, which
all that day was adorned with flags and pendants displayed; and at
night illuminated, by the direction of Hatchway, who also ordered
the patereroes to be fired, as soon as the marriage-knot was tied.
Neither were the other parts of the entertainment neglected by this
ingenious contriver, who produced undeniable proofs of his elegance
and art in the wedding-supper, which had been committed to his
management and direction. This genial banquet was entirely composed
of sea-dishes; a huge pillaw, consisting of a large piece of beef
sliced, a couple of fowls, and half a peck of rice, smoked in the
middle of the board: a dish of hard fish, swimming in oil, appeared at
each end; the sides being furnished with a mess of that savoury
composition known by the name of lub's-course, and a plate
of salmagundy. The second course displayed a goose of a monstrous
magnitude, flanked with two Guinea-hens, a pig barbacued, a hock
of salt pork, in the midst of a pease-pudding, a leg of mutton
roasted, with potatoes, and another boiled, with yams. The third
service was made up of a loin of fresh pork, with apple-sauce, a
kid smothered with onions, and a terrapin baked in the shell; and
last of all, a prodigious sea-pie was presented, with an infinite
volume of pancakes and fritters. That everything might be answerable
to the magnificence of this delicate feast, he had provided vast
quantifies of strong beer, flip, rumbo, and burnt brandy, with
plenty of Barbadoes water for the ladies; and hired all the fiddles
within six miles, which, with the addition of a drum, bagpipe, and
Welsh harp, regaled the guests with a most melodious concert.

The company, who were not at all exceptions, seemed extremely well
pleased with every particular of the entertainment; and the evening
being spent in the most social manner, the bride was by her sister
conducted to her apartment, where, however, a trifling circumstance
had like to have destroyed the harmony which had been hitherto
maintained.

I have already observed, that there was not one standing bed within
the walls; therefore the reader will not wonder that Mrs. Trunnion
was out of humour, when she found herself under the necessity of
being confined with her spouse in a hammock, which, though enlarged
with a double portion of canvas, and dilated with a yoke for the
occasion, was at best but a disagreeable, not to say dangerous
situation. She accordingly complained with some warmth of this
inconvenience, which she imputed to disrespect; and, at first,
absolutely refused to put up with the expedient; but Mrs. Pickle
soon brought her to reason and compliance, by observing that one
night will soon be elapsed, and next day she might regulate her
own economy.

Thus persuaded, she ventured into the vehicle, and was visited by
her husband in less than an hour, the company being departed to their
own homes, and the garrison left to the command of his lieutenant
and mate. But it seems the hooks that supported this swinging couch
were not calculated for the addition of weight which they were
now destined to bear; and therefore gave way in the middle of the
night, to the no small terror of Mrs. Trunnion, who perceiving
herself falling, screamed aloud, and by that exclamation brought
Hatchway with a light into the chamber. Though she had received
no injury by the fall, she was extremely discomposed and incensed
at the accident, which she even openly ascribed to the obstinacy
and whimsical oddity of the commodore, in such petulant terms as
evidently declared that she thought her great aim accomplished, and
her authority secured against all the shocks of fortune. Indeed her
bedfellow seemed to be of the same opinion, by his tacit resignation;
for he made no reply to her insinuations, but with a most vinegar
aspect crawled out of his nest, and betook himself to rest in another
apartment; while his irritated spouse dismissed the lieutenant, and
from the wreck of the hammock made an occasional bed for herself
on the floor, fully determined to provide better accommodation for
the next night's lodging.

Having no inclination to sleep, her thoughts, during the remaining
part of the night, were engrossed by a scheme of reformation she
was resolved to execute in the family; and no sooner did the first
lark bid salutation to the morn, than, starting from her humble
couch, and huddling on her clothes, she sallied from her chamber,
explored her way through paths before unknown, and in the course
of her researches perceived a large bell, to which she made such
effectual application as alarmed every soul in the family. In a
moment she was surrounded by Hatchway, Pipes, and all the rest of
the servants half-dressed; but seeing none of the feminine gender
appear, she began to storm at the sloth and laziness of the maids,
who, she observed, ought to have been at work an hour at least
before she called; and then, for the first time, understood that
no woman was permitted to sleep within the walls.

She did not fail to exclaim against this regulation; and being informed
that the cook and chambermaid lodged in a small office-house that
stood without the gate, ordered the drawbridge to be let down,
and in person beat up their quarters, commanding them forthwith to
set about scouring the rooms, which had not been hitherto kept in
a very decent condition, while two men were immediately employed
to transport the bed on which she used to lie from her brother's
house to her new habitation; so that, in less than two hours,
the whole economy of the garrison was turned topsy-turvy, and
everything involved in tumult and noise. Trunnion, being disturbed
and distracted with the uproar, turned out in his shirt like
a maniac, and, arming himself with a cudgel of crab-tree, made an
irruption into his wife's apartment, where, perceiving a couple of
carpenters at work in joining a bedstead, he, with many dreadful
oaths and opprobrious invectives, ordered them to desist, swearing
he would suffer no bulkheads nor hurricane-houses to stand where
he was master: but finding his remonstrances disregarded by these
mechanics, who believed him to be some madman belonging to the
family, who had broken from his confinement, he assaulted them
both with great fury and indignation, and was handled so roughly,
in the encounter, that in a very short time he measured his length
on the floor, in consequence of a blow that he received from a hammer
by which the sight of his remaining eye was grievously endangered.

Having thus reduced him to a state of subjection, they resolved
to secure him with cords, and were actually busy in adjusting his
fetters, when he was exempted from the disgrace by the accidental
entrance of his spouse, who rescued him from the hands of
his adversaries, and, in the midst of her condolence, imputed his
misfortune to the inconsiderate roughness of his own disposition.

He breathed nothing but revenge, and made some efforts to chastise
the insolence of the workmen, who, as soon as they understood
his quality, asked forgiveness for what they had done with great
humility, protesting that they did not know he was master of the
house. But, far from being satisfied with this apology, he groped
about for the bell, the inflammation of his eye having utterly
deprived him of sight; and the rope being, by the precaution of
the delinquents, conveyed out of his reach, began to storm with
incredible vociferation, like a lion roaring in the toil, pouring
forth innumerable oaths and execrations, and calling by name Hatchway
and Pipes, who, being within hearing, obeyed the extraordinary
summons, and were ordered to put the carpenters in irons, for having
audaciously assaulted him in his own house.

His myrmidons, seeing he had been evil-treated, were exasperated
at the insult he had suffered, which they considered as an affront
upon the dignity of the garrison; the more so as the mutineers seemed
to put themselves in a posture of defence and set their authority
at defiance; they therefore unsheathed their cutlasses, which
they commonly wore as badges of their commission; and a desperate
engagement in all probability would have ensued, had not the
lady of the castle interposed, and prevented the effects of their
animosity, by assuring the lieutenant that the commodore had been
the aggressor, and that the workmen, finding themselves attacked in
such an extraordinary manner, by a person whom they did not know,
were obliged to act in their own defence, by which he had received
that unlucky contusion.

Mr. Hatchway no sooner learnt the sentiments of Mrs. Trunnion, than,
sheathing his indignation, he told the commodore he should always
be ready to execute his lawful commands; but that he could not
in conscience be concerned in oppressing poor people who had been
guilty of no offence.

This unexpected declaration, together with the behaviour of his
wife, who in his hearing desired the carpenters to resume their
work, filled the breast of Trunnion with rage and mortification.
He pulled off his woollen night-cap, pummeled his bare pate, beat
the floor alternately with his feet, swore his people had betrayed
him, and cursed himself to the lowest pit of hell for having admitted
such a cockatrice into his family. But all these exclamations did
not avail; they were among the last essays of his resistance to the
will of his wife, whose influence among his adherents had already
swallowed up his own, and peremptorily told him that he must leave
the management of everything within-doors to her, who understood best
what was for his honour and advantage. She then ordered a poultice
to be prepared for his eye, which being applied, he was committed
to the care of Pipes, by whom he was led about the house like
a blind bear growling for prey, while his industrious yoke-fellow
executed every circumstance of the plan she had projected; so that
when he recovered his vision he was an utter stranger in his own
house.





CHAPTER X.




The Commodore being in some cases restive, his Lady has recourse to
Artifice in the Establishment of her Throne--She exhibits Symptoms
of Pregnancy, to the unspeakable joy of Trunnion, who, nevertheless,
is balked in his expectation.


These innovations were not effected without many loud objections
on his part; and divers curious dialogues passed between him and
his yoke-fellow, who always came off victorious from the dispute;
insomuch, that his countenance gradually fell: he began to suppress,
and at length entirely devoured, his chagrin; the terrors of superior
authority were plainly perceivable in his features; and in less
than three months he became a thorough-paced husband. Not that his
obstinacy was extinguished, though overcome. In some things he was
as inflexible and mulish as ever; but then he durst not kick so
openly, and was reduced to the necessity of being passive in his
resentments. Mrs. Trunnion, for example, proposed that a coach and
six should be purchased, as she could not ride on horseback, and
the chaise was a scandalous carriage for a person of her condition.
The commodore, conscious of his own inferior capacity in point of
reasoning, did not think proper to dispute the proposal but lent a
deaf ear to her repeated remonstrances, though they were enforced
with every argument which she thought could soothe, terrify, shame
or decoy him into compliance. In vain did she urge the excess of
affection she had for him as meriting some return of tenderness
and condescension: he was even proof against certain menacing hints
she gave touching the resentment of a slighted woman; and he stood
out against all the considerations of dignity or disgrace like a
bulwark of brass. Neither was he moved to any indecent or unkind
expressions of contradiction, even when she upbraided him with his
sordid disposition, and put him in mind of the fortune and honour
he had acquired by his marriage, but seemed to retire within himself,
like a tortoise when attacked, that shrinks within its shell, and
silently endured the scourge of her reproaches, without seeming
sensible of the smart.

This, however, was the only point in which she had been baffled since
her nuptials; and as she could by no means digest the miscarriage,
she tortured her invention for some new plan by which she might
augment her influence and authority. What her genius refused was
supplied by accident; for she had not lived four months in the
garrison, when she was seized with frequent qualms and retchings;
in a word, she congratulated herself on the symptoms of her own
fertility; and the commodore was transported with joy at the prospect
of an heir of his own begetting.

She knew this was the proper season for vindicating her own
sovereignty, and accordingly employed the means which nature had
put in her power. There was not a rare piece of furniture or apparel
for which she did not long; and one day, as she went to church,
seeing Lady Stately's equipage arrive, she suddenly fainted away.
Her husband, whose vanity had never been so perfectly gratified
as with this promised harvest of his own sowing, took the alarm
immediately; and in order to prevent relapses of that kind, which
might be attended with fatal consequence to his hope, gave her leave
to bespeak a coach, horses, and liveries, to her own liking. Thus
authorized, she in a very little time exhibited such a specimen
of her own taste and magnificence as afforded speculation to the
whole country, and made Trunnion's heart quake within him; because
he foresaw no limits to her extravagance which also manifested
itself in the most expensive preparations for her lying-in.

Her pride, which had hitherto regarded the representative of her
father's house, seemed now to lose all that hereditary respect,
and prompt her to outshine and undervalue the elder branch of her
family. She behaved to Mrs. Pickle with a sort of civil reserve
that implied a conscious superiority; and an emulation in point of
grandeur immediately commenced between the two sisters. She every
day communicated her importance to the whole parish, under pretence
of taking the air in her coach, and endeavoured to extend her
acquaintance among people of fashion. Nor was this an undertaking
attended with great difficulty, for all persons whatever capable of
maintaining a certain appearance, will always find admission into
what is called the best company, and be rated in point of character
according to their own valuation, without subjecting their pretensions
to the smallest doubt or examination. In all her visits and parties
she seized every opportunity of declaring her present condition,
observing that she was forbid by her physicians to taste such a
pickle, and that such a dish was poison to a woman in her way; nay,
where she was on a footing of familiarity, she affected to make
wry faces, and complained that the young rogue began to be very
unruly, writhing herself into divers contortions, as if she had
been grievously incommoded by the mettle of this future Trunnion.
The husband himself did not behave with all the moderation that
might have been expected. At the club he frequently mentioned this
circumstance of his own vigour as a pretty successful feat to be
performed by an old fellow of fifty-five, and confirmed the opinion
of his strength by redoubled squeezes of the landlord's hand, which
never failed of extorting a satisfactory certificate of his might.
When his companions drank to the Hans en kelder, or Jack in the low
cellar, he could not help displaying an extraordinary complacence
of countenance, and signified his intention of sending the young
dog to sea as soon as he should be able to carry a cartridge, in
hopes of seeing him an officer before his own death.

This hope helped to console him under the extraordinary expense to
which he was exposed by the profusion of his wife, especially when
he considered that his compliance with her prodigality would be
limited to the expiration of the nine months, of which the best part
was by this time elapsed: yet, in spite of all this philosophical
resignation, her fancy sometimes soared to such a ridiculous
and intolerable pitch of insolence and absurdity, that his temper
forsook him, and he could not help wishing in secret that her
pride might be confounded in the dissipation of her most flattering
hopes, even though he himself should be a principal sufferer by the
disappointment. These, however, were no other than the suggestions
of temporary disgusts, that commonly subsided as suddenly as they
arose, and never gave the least disturbance to the person who
inspired them, because he took care to conceal them carefully from
her knowledge.

Meanwhile she happily advanced in her reckoning, with the promise
of a favourable issue: the term of her computation expired, and in
the middle of the night she was visited by certain warnings that
seemed to bespeak the approach of the critical moment. The commodore
got up with great alacrity, and called the midwife, who had been
several days in the house; the gossips were immediately summoned,
and the most interesting expectations prevailed; but the symptoms
of labour gradually vanished, and as the matrons sagely observed,
this was no more than a false alarm.

Two nights after they received a second intimation, and as she was
sensibly diminished in the waist, everything was supposed to be
in a fair way; yet this visitation was not more conclusive than
the former; her pains wore off in spite of all her endeavours
to encourage them, and the good women betook themselves to their
respective homes, in expectation of finding the third attack
decisive, alluding to the well-known maxim, that "number three is
always fortunate." For once, however, this apophthegm failed; the
next call was altogether as ineffectual as the former; and moreover,
attended with a phenomenon which to them was equally strange and
inexplicable: this was no other than such a reduction in the size
of Mrs. Trunnion as might have been expected after the birth of a
full-grown child. Startled at such an unaccountable event, they sat
in close divan; and concluding that the case was in all respects
unnatural and prodigious, desired that a messenger might be immediately
despatched for some male practitioner in the art of midwifery.

The commodore, without guessing the cause of her perplexity, ordered
Pipes immediately on this piece of duty, and in less than two hours
they were assisted by the advice of a surgeon of the neighbourhood,
who boldly affirmed that the patient had never been with child.
This asseveration was like a clap of thunder to Mr. Trunnion, who
had been, during eight whole days and nights, in continual expectation
of being hailed with the appellation of father.

After some recollection, he swore the surgeon was an ignorant
fellow, and that he would not take his word for what he advanced,
being comforted and confirmed in his want of faith by the insinuations
of the midwife, who still persisted to feed Mrs. Trunnion with
hopes of a speedy and safe delivery; observing that she had been
concerned in many a case of the same nature, where a fine child
was found, even after all signs of the mother's pregnancy had
disappeared. Every twig of hope, how slender soever it may be, is
eagerly caught hold on by people who find themselves in danger of
being disappointed. To every question proposed by her to the lady,
with the preambles of "Han't you?" or "Don't you?" answer was made
in the affirmative, whether agreeable to truth or not, because the
respondent could not find in her heart to disown any symptom that
might favour the notion she had so long indulged.

This experienced proficient in the obstetric art was therefore
kept in close attendance for the space of three weeks, during which
the patient had several returns of what she pleased herself with
believing to be labour pains, till at length, she and her husband
became the standing joke of the parish; and this infatuated couple
could scarce be prevailed upon to part with their hope, even when
she appeared as lank as a greyhound, and they were furnished with
other unquestionable proofs of their having been deceived. But
they could not for ever remain under the influence of this sweet
delusion, which at last faded away, and was succeeded by a paroxysm
of shame and confusion, that kept the husband within-doors for the
space of a whole fortnight, and confined his lady to her bed for a
series of weeks, during which she suffered all the anguish of the
most intense mortification; yet even this was subdued by the lenient
hand of time.

The first respite from her chagrin was employed in the strict discharge
of what are called the duties of religion, which she performed with
the most rancorous severity, setting on foot a persecution in her
own family, that made the house too hot for all the menial servants,
even ruffled the almost invincible indifference of Tom Pipes,
harassed the commodore himself out of all patience, and spared
no individual but Lieutenant Hatchway, whom she never ventured to
disoblige.





CHAPTER XI.




Mrs. Trunnion erects a Tyranny in the Garrison, while her Husband
conceives an affection for his Nephew Perry, who manifests a
peculiarity of disposition even in his tender years.


Having exercised herself three months in such pious amusements,
she appeared again in the world; but her misfortune had made such
an impression on her mind, that she could not bear the sight of a
child, and trembled whenever conversation happened to turn upon a
christening. Her temper, which was naturally none of the sweetest,
seemed to have imbibed a double proportion of souring from her
disappointment; of consequence, her company was not much coveted,
and she found very few people disposed to treat her with those marks
of consideration which she looked upon as her due. This neglect
detached her from the society of an unmannerly world; she concentrated
the energy of all her talents in the government of her own house,
which groaned accordingly under her arbitrary sway; and in the
brandy-bottle found ample consolation for all the affliction she
had undergone.

As for the commodore, he in a little time weathered his disgrace,
after having sustained many severe jokes from the lieutenant, and
now his chief aim being to be absent from his own house as much
as possible, he frequented the public-house more than ever, more
assiduously cultivated the friendship of his brother-in-law, Mr.
Pickle, and in the course of their intimacy conceived an affection
for his nephew Perry, which did not end but with his life. Indeed
it must be owned that Trunnion was not naturally deficient in
the social passions of the soul, which though they were strangely
warped, disguised, and overborne by the circumstance of his
boisterous life and education, did not fail to manifest themselves
occasionally through the whole course of his behaviour.

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