William Shakespeare - "The Tragedy of King Lear"

P. G. Wodehouse - "Tales of St. Austin's"

J. M. Barrie - "THE ADMIRABLE CRICHTON"

T.S. Arthur - "Woman's Trials"

The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

T >> Tobias Smollett >> The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle




"Here I was attacked by a footpad armed with a broad-sword, who
came up and demanded my money. My stock amounted to twelve guineas;
and I foresaw that should I be stripped of the whole sum, I could
not travel without discovering who I was, and consequently running
the risk of being detected by my pursuer. On these considerations,
I gave the fellow three guineas and some silver; with which he was
so far from being satisfied, that he threatened to search me for
more: but I ordered the coachman to proceed, and by good fortune
escaped that ceremony, though I was under some apprehension of
being overtaken with a pistol bullet in my flight, and therefore
held down my head in the chaise, in imitation of some great men, who
are said to have ducked in the same manner in the day of battle. My
fears happened to be disappointed: I lay at an inn upon the road,
and next day arrived in town, in the utmost difficulty and distress;
for I knew not where to fix my habitation, and was destitute of
all means of support. In this dilemma, I applied to my lawyer, who
recommended me to the house of a tradesman in Westminster, where
I lodged and boarded upon credit, with my faithful Abigail (whom
I shall distinguish by the name of Mrs. S--), for the space of ten
weeks, during which I saw nobody, and never once stirred abroad.

"While I was thus harassed out of all enjoyment of life, and reduced
to the utmost indigence, by the cruelty of my persecutor, who had
even stripped me of my wearing apparel, I made a conquest of Lord
D--, a nobleman who is now dead, and therefore I shall say little
of his character, which is perfectly well known: this only will I
observe, that, next to my own tyrant, he was the person of whom I
had the greatest abhorrence. Nevertheless, when these two came in
competition, I preferred the offers of this new lover, which were
very considerable; and as an asylum was the chief thing I wanted,
agreed to follow him to his country seat, whither I actually sent
my clothes, which I had purchased upon credit.

"However, upon mature deliberation, I changed my mind, and signified
my resolution in a letter, desiring at the same time that my baggage
might be sent back. In consequence of this message, I expected a
visit from him, in all the rage of indignation and disappointment,
and gave orders that he should not be admitted into my house yet,
notwithstanding this precaution, he found means to procure entrance;
and one of the first objects that I saw, next morning, in my
bedchamber, was my lover, armed with a horsewhip, against which,
from the knowledge of the man, I did not think myself altogether
secure; though I was not much alarmed, because I believed myself
superior to him in point of bravery, should the worst come to the
worst. But, contrary to my expectation, and his usual behaviour
to our sex, he accosted me very politely, and began to expostulate
on the contents of my letter. I freely told him, that I had rashly
assented to his proposal, for my own convenience only; that, when
I reflected on what I had done, I thought it ungenerous in me to
live with him upon these terms; and that, as I did not like him,
and could not dissemble, such a correspondence could never tend
to the satisfaction of either. He allowed the inference was just,
though he was very much chagrined at my previous proceeding. He
relinquished his claim, restored my clothes, and never afterwards
upbraided me with my conduct in this affair; though he at one time
owned, that he still loved me, and ever should, because I had used
him ill; a declaration that strongly marks the peculiarity of his
character. As for my own part, I own that my behaviour on this
occasion is no other way excusable, than on account of the miserable
perplexity of my circumstances, which were often so calamitous,
that I wonder I have not been compelled to take such steps as would
have rendered my conduct much more exceptionable than it really
is.

"At last all my hopes were blasted by the issue of my suit, which
was determined in favour of my lord. Even then I refused to yield:
on the contrary, coming out of retirement, I took lodgings in
Suffolk-street, and set my tyrant at defiance. But, being unwilling
to trust my doors to the care of other people, I hired a house in
Conduit-street; and no sooner appeared in the world again, than I
was surrounded by divers and sundry sorts of admirers. I believe
I received the incense and addresses of all kinds under the sun,
except that sort which was most to my liking, a man capable of
contracting and inspiring a mutual attachment; but such a one is
equally rare and inestimable; not but that I own myself greatly
obliged to all those who cultivated my good graces, though they
were very little beholden to me; for where I did not really love,
I could never profess that passion; that sort of dissimulation is
a slavery that no honest nature will undergo. Except one worthy
young man whom I sometimes saw, they were a strange medley of
insignificant beings: one was insipid, another ridiculously affected,
a third void of all education, a fourth altogether inconsistent;
and, in short, I found as many trifling characters among the men,
as ever I observed in my own sex. Some of them I endeavoured to
bring over to my maxims, while they attempted to make a proselyte
of me; but, finding the task impracticable on both sides, we very
wisely dropped each other.

"At length, however, I was blessed with the acquaintance of one
nobleman, who is, perhaps, the first character in England, in point
of honour, integrity, wit, sense, and benevolence; when I have
thus distinguished him, I need scarce mention Lord --. This great,
this good man, possesses every accomplishment requisite to inspire
admiration, love, and esteem. With infinitely more merit than almost
ever fell to one man's share, he manifests such diffidence of his
own qualifications, as cannot fail to prepossess every company in
his favour. He seems to observe nothing, yet sees everything; his
manner of telling a story, and making trifles elegant, is peculiar
to himself; and, though he has a thousand oddities, they serve
only to make him more agreeable. After what I have said, it may be
supposed that I was enamoured of his person; but this was not the
case; love is altogether capricious and fanciful; yet I admire,
honour, and esteem him to the highest degree, and when I observe
that his character resembled that of my dear departed friend Mr.
B--; or rather, that Mr. B--, had he lived, would have resembled
Lord --, I pay the highest compliment I can conceive both to the
living and to the dead.

"In this nobleman's friendship and conversation I thought myself
happy; though I was, as usual, exposed to the indefatigable efforts
of my lord, who, one day, while I was favoured with the company of
this generous friend, appeared at my door in his coach, attended by
another gentleman, who demanded entrance with an air of authority.
A very honest footman, who had been long in my service, ran upstairs
in the utmost consternation, and gave me an account of what had
happened below. Upon which I told him he had nothing to answer for,
and ordered him to keep the door fast shut against all opposition;
though I was so much affected with this unexpected assault, that
Lord -- said he was never more surprised and shocked in his life,
than at the horror which appeared in my countenance, when I saw
the coach stop at my door.

"My little hero being refused admittance, went away, threatening
to return speedily with a reinforcement; and during this interval,
I provided myself with a soldier, whom I placed sentinel at the
door, within side, to guard me from the danger of such assaults
for the future. My lord, true to his promise, marched back with his
auxiliaries, reinforced with a constable, and repeated his demand
of being admitted; and my soldier opening the sash, in order to
answer him, according to my directions, he no sooner perceived the
red coat, than he was seized with such a panic, that he instantly
fled with great precipitation; and, when he recounted the adventure,
like Falstaff in the play, multiplied my guard into a whole file
of musqueteers. He also made a shift to discover the gentleman who
had been so kind as to lend me one of his company, and complained
of him to the duke of N--, in hopes of seeing him broke for his
misdemeanour; but in that expectation he was luckily disappointed.

"Perceiving that in England I should never enjoy peace, but be
continually subject to those alarms and disquiets which had already
impaired my health and spirits, I resolved to repair again to
France, my best refuge and sure retreat from the persecution of my
tyrant. Yet, before I took this step, I endeavoured, by the advice
of my friends, to conceal myself near Windsor; but was in a little
time discovered by my lord, and hunted out of my lurking-place
accordingly. I then removed to Chelsea, where I suffered inconceivable
uneasiness and agitation of mind, from the nature of my situation,
my tranquility being thus incessantly invaded by a man who could
not be satisfied with me, and yet could not live without me. So
that, though I was very much indisposed, I set out for France, by
way of the Hague, as the war had shut up all other communication,
having no other attendant but my woman S--, who, though she dreaded
the sea, and was upon the brink of matrimony, would not quit me in
such a calamitous condition, until I was joined by my footman and
another maid, whom I ordered to follow me with the baggage. But,
before my departure, I sent a message to Lord --, demanding my
clothes, which he had seized in Essex; and, he refusing to deliver
them, I was obliged to equip myself anew, upon credit.

"I was supplied with money for my journey by my good friend L--;
and, after a short and pleasant passage, arrived at the Hague,
where I stayed two months, and parted with S--, on whom I settled
an annuity of five-and-twenty pounds, payable out of the provision
which I had or might obtain from my husband. The same allowance had
I prevailed upon Lord B-- to grant to another maid, who attended
me while I lived in his house.

"I did not much relish the people in Holland, because they seemed
entirely devoted to self-interest, without any taste for pleasure
or politeness; a species of disposition that could not be very agreeable
to me, who always despised money, had an unbounded benevolence of
heart, and loved pleasure beyond every other consideration. When I
say pleasure, I would not be understood to mean sensuality, which
constitutes the supreme happiness of those only who are void of
sentiment and imagination. Nevertheless, I received some civilities
in this place, and, among the rest, the reputation of having for
my lover the king of P--'s minister, who was young and airy, and
visited me often; circumstances that were sufficient to lay me under
the imputation of an amour, which I frequently incurred without
having given the least cause of suspicion.

"Having taken leave of my Dutch friends, I departed from the Hague, in
company with an English woman, whom I had chosen for that purpose,
and arrived at Antwerp with much difficulty and danger, the highway
being infested with robbers. After having reposed myself a few
days in this city, I hired a coach for myself, and set out with my
companion for Brussels; but, before we reached Mechlin, our vehicle
was attacked by two hussars, who, with their sabres drawn, obliged
the coachman to drive into a wood near the road. I at first imagined
that they wanted to examine our passports, but was soon too well
convinced of their design; and, though very much shocked at the
discovery, found resolution enough to suppress my concern, so that
it should not aggravate the terrors of the young woman, who had
almost died with apprehension. I even encouraged her to hope for
the best; and, addressing myself to the robbers in French, begged,
in the most suppliant manner, that they would spare our lives; upon
which one of them, who was a little fellow, assured me, in the same
language, that we had nothing to fear for our persons.

"When we were conveyed in a state of dreadful suspense about
three-quarters of a mile into the wood, the ruffians came into
the coach, and, taking my keys, which I kept ready in my hand for
them, opened three large trunks that contained my baggage, and
emptying them of everything but my hoops and a few books, packed
up their booty in a cloth; then robbed me of my money and jewels,
even to my shoe-buckles and sleeve-buttons, took my footman's laced
hat, and gave it, by way of gratification, to a peasant, who came
from behind the bushes, and assisted them in packing.

"This affair being despatched, they ordered us to return to the
road by a different way from that in which we were carried into the
wood; and mounting their horses, rode off with the plunder, though
not before the little fellow, who was the least ferocious of the
two, had come and shaken me by the hand, wishing us a good journey; a
compliment which I heartily returned, being extremely well pleased
with the retreat of two such companions, who had detained us a
whole half-hour; during which, notwithstanding the assurance I had
received, I was in continual apprehension of seeing their operation
concluded with the murder of us all; for I supposed they were of
that gang who had some time before murdered a French officer, and
used a lady extremely ill, after having rifled her of all she had.

"Having thus undergone pillage, and being reduced to the extremity
of indigence in a foreign land, it is not to be supposed that my
reflections were very comfortable; and yet, though I sustained the
whole damage, I was the only person in the company who bore the
accident with any resolution and presence of mind. My coachman
and valet seemed quite petrified with fear; and it was not till I
had repeated my directions that the former drove farther into the
wood, and took the first turning to the right, in order to regain
the road, according to the command of the robbers, which I did not
choose to disobey.

"This misfortune I suffered by the misinformation I received at
Antwerp, where I would have provided myself with an escort, had
not I been assured that there was not the least occasion to put
myself to such extraordinary expense. And, indeed, the robbers took
the only half-hour in which they could have had an opportunity of
plundering us; for we no sooner returned into the highway, than
we met with the French artillery coming from Brussels, which was a
security to us during the rest of our journey. We were afterwards
informed at a small village, that there was actually a large gang
of deserters, who harboured in that wood, from which they made
excursions in the neighbourhood, and kept the peasants in continual
alarms.

"Having proceeded a little way, we were stopped by the artillery
crossing a bridge; and, as the train was very long, must have
been detained till night, had not a soldier informed me, that, if
I would take the trouble to come out of my coach, and apply to the
commandant, he would order them to halt, and allow me to pass. I took
the man's advice, and was by him conducted, with much difficulty,
through the crowd, to some officers, who seemed scarce to deserve
the name; for, when I signified my request, they neither rose up,
nor desired me to sit down; but, lolling in their chairs, with one
leg stretched out, asked, with an air of disrespectful raillery.
where I was going; and when I answered, "To Paris," desired to know
what I would do there.

"I, who am naturally civil where I am civilly used, and saucy enough
where I think myself treated with disregard, was very much piqued
at their insolent and unmannerly behaviour, and began to reply to the
impertinent questions very abruptly; so that a very tart dialogue
would have ensued, had not the conversation been interrupted
by a tall, thin, genteel young French nobleman, an officer in the
army, who, chancing to come in, asked with great politeness, what
I would please to have. I then repeated my desire, and produced
my passports, by which he learned who I was. He immediately gave
orders that my coach should pass; and afterwards visited me at Paris,
having obtained my permission, and taken my address at parting;
while the others, understanding my name and quality, asked pardon
for their impolite carriage, which they told me was owing to the
representation of the soldier, who gave them to understand that I
was a strolling actress.

"I could not help laughing heartily at this mistake, which might
have proceeded from the circumstances of my appearance, my footman
having been obliged to change hats with the peasant, and myself
being without buckles on my shoes and buttons on my riding-skirt,
while my countenance still retained marks of the fear and confusion I
had undergone. After all, perhaps the fellow was a droll, and wanted
to entertain himself at my expense. The day was so far consumed
in these adventures, that I was obliged to take up my lodgings at
Mechlin, where I addressed myself to the intendant, giving him an
account of the disaster I had met with, and desiring I might have
credit at the inn, as our whole company could not raise the value
of a sixpence. This gentleman, though a provincial, was polite in
his way, and not only granted my request, but invited me to lodge
at his own house. I accordingly gave him my company at supper, but
did not choose to sleep at his quarters, because he appeared to be
what the French call un vieux debauche.

"Next day, he sent a trumpet to the general, with a detail of my
misfortune, in hopes of retrieving what I had lost; but, notwithstanding
all possible search, I was fain to put up with my damage, which,
in linen, laces, clothes, and baubles, amounted to upwards of seven
hundred pounds, a loss which never deprived me of one moment's rest;
for, though I lodged at a miserable inn, and lay in a paltry bed,
I slept as sound as if nothing extraordinary had happened, after
I had written to London and Paris, directing that the payment
of my bills of credit might be stopped. Indeed, I know of but two
misfortunes in life capable of depressing my spirits, namely, the
loss of health and friends; all others may be prevented or endured.
The articles of that calamity which I chiefly regretted, were a
picture of Lord W--, and some inimitable letters from Mr. B--.

"From Mechlin I proceeded to Brussels, where, being known, I got
credit for some necessaries, and borrowed twenty guineas to defray
the expense of my journey to Paris. Having consulted with my
friends about the safest method of travelling through Flanders, I
was persuaded to take places in the public voiture; and accordingly
departed, not without fears of finding one part of the country as
much infested with robbers as another. Nor were these apprehensions
assuaged by the conversation of my fellow-travellers, who, being
of the lower sort of people, that delight in exaggerating dangers,
entertained me all the way with an account of all the robberies and
murders which had been committed on that road, with many additional
circumstances of their own invention. After having been two days
exposed to this comfortable conversation, among very disagreeable
company, which is certainly one of the most disagreeable situations
in life, I arrived at Lisle, where, thinking the dangerous part of
the journey was now past, I hired a post-chaise, and in two days
more reached Paris without any further molestation.

"Upon my arrival in the capital, I was immediately visited by my old
acquaintances, who, hearing my disaster, offered me their clothes,
and insisted upon my wearing them, until I could be otherwise
provided. They likewise engaged me in parties, with a view of amusing
my imagination, that I might not grow melancholy in reflecting upon
my loss; and desired me to repeat the particulars of my story forty
times over, expressing great surprise at our not being murdered,
or ravished at least. As for this last species of outrage, the
fear of it never once entered my head, otherwise I should have been
more shocked and alarmed than I really was. But it seems this was
the chief circumstance of my companion's apprehension; and I cannot
help observing, that a homely woman is always more apt to entertain
those fears, than one whose person exposes her to much more imminent
danger. However, I now learned, that the risk I ran was much greater
than I imagined it to be, those ruffians being familiarized to rape
as well as murder.

"Soon after my appearance at Paris, I was favoured with the
addresses of several French lovers; but I never had any taste for
foreigners, or indeed for any amusement of that kind, except such
as were likely to be lasting, and settled upon a more agreeable
footing than that of common gallantry. When I deviated from this
principle, my conduct was the effect of compulsion, and therefore
I was never easy under it, having been reduced to the alternative
of two evils, the least of which I was obliged to choose, as a man
leaps into the sea, in order to escape from a ship that is on fire.

"Though I rejected their love, I did not refuse their company and
conversation; and, though my health was considerably impaired by
the shock I received in my last adventure, which was considerably
greater than I at first imagined, and affected my companion so much,
that she did not recover her spirits till she returned to England, I
say, though I was for some time a valetudinarian, I enjoyed myself
in great tranquility for the space of ten months, during which
I was visited by English, Scotch, and French, of all parties
and persuasions; for pleasure is of no faction, and that was the
chief object of my pursuit; neither was I so ambitious of being a
politician, as to employ my time and thoughts upon subjects which I
did not understand. I had admirers of all sides, and should have
spent my time very much to my liking, had not I felt my funds
sensibly diminish, without any prospect of their being repaired;
for I had been obliged to lay out a great part of the sum allotted
for my subsistence, in supplying my companion, my servant, and
myself with necessaries, in lieu of those which we had lost.

"Having before my eyes the uncomfortable prospect of wanting money
in a strange place, I found myself under the necessity of returning
to England, where I had more resources than I could possibly have
among foreigners; and with that view wrote to Lord --'s agents,
desiring that I might be enabled to discharge my obligations at
Paris, by the payment of my pin-money. Thus a negotiation commenced,
and his lordship promised to remit money for the clearance of my
Paris debts, which amounted to four hundred pounds: but he would not
advance one farthing more, though I gave him to understand, that,
while he protracted the agreement, I must inevitably be adding to
my encumbrances, and that I should be as effectually detained by
a debt of twenty pounds, as if I owed a thousand. Notwithstanding
all my representations, he would not part with one shilling over
the net sum which I at first stipulated; so that all my measures
were rendered abortive, and I found it altogether impracticable to
execute those resolutions I had formed in his favour.

"Thus did he for a mere trifle embarrass the woman for whom he professed
the most unlimited love, and whose principles he pretended to hold
in the utmost veneration. Indeed, his confidence in my integrity
was not without foundation; for many wives, with one half of my
provocation, would have ruined him to all intents and purposes;
whereas, notwithstanding all the extraordinary expenses to which
I had been exposed by his continual persecution, he never paid a
shilling on my account except one thousand pounds, exclusive of the
small allowance which was my due. In a word, so much time elapsed
before my lord could prevail upon himself to advance the bare four
hundred, that I was involved in fresh difficulties, from which I
found it impossible to extricate myself; and though I had occasion
to write a letter to my benefactor Lord --, in which I expressed
my acknowledgment of past favours, I could not venture to solicit
more, even when I was encouraged by a very obliging answer, wherein
he declared, that the good qualities of my mind and heart would
bind him to me in friendship for ever.

"While I ruminated on my uncomfortable situation, which would
neither permit me to return to England, nor to stay much longer
where I was, a young Englishman of immense fortune took Paris in
his way from Italy, accompanied by a most agreeable Scotchman of
very good sense and great vivacity. It was my good or ill fortune
to become acquainted with these gentlemen, who, having seen me at
the opera, expressed a desire of being known to me, and accordingly
favoured me with a visit one afternoon, when the brisk North Briton
engrossed the whole conversation, while the other seemed fearful and
diffident even to a degree of bashfulness, through which, however,
I could discern a delicate sensibility and uncommon understanding.
There was in his person, which was very agreeable, as well as in
his behaviour, a certain naivete that was very pleasing; and, at
this first interview, we relished each other's company so well,
that a sort of intimacy immediately commenced, and was carried on
in a succession of parties of pleasure, in the course of which I
found him fraught with all the tenderness and sentiment that render
the heart susceptible of the most refined love; a disposition that
immediately made me partial to him, while it subjected his own
heart to all the violent impressions of a passion, which I little
imagined our correspondence would have produced.

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