The Triple Marriage
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N. Destouches, translated by Frank J. Morlock >> The Triple Marriage
Trim
You take me on my tender side. All right, I've got to tell you. The
greatest men engage in madness for these little bitches.-- Nobody can
hear us?
Anna
Not unless you speak loudly.
Trim
The devil! There are not childish games.
Anna
Well, then?
Trim
If someone discovers the mystery, my master will be disinherited--
there it is, more or less.
Anna
The deuce!
Trim
And I, on the other hand, will inherit a beating. I don't like the
idea of such a windfall.
Anna
You are only exciting my curiosity. Where have you been?
Trim
We were-- Shh! Here comes the old man. I've got to pacify him
adroitly on this subject. Leave us--I will join you as soon as I can.
(Exit Anna. Enter Matthews without seeing Trim.)
Matthews
To play me such a trick!
Trim (aside)
He seems to be in a rage.
Matthews
To try to put one over on me with such effrontery--a story like that.
Trim
Have we been found out?
Matthews
To have the audacity to say he came from Cliffordshire Manor.
Trim
The mine is blown.
Matthews
I wish to know if that devil Trim will also have the effrontery to
pass this imposture off on me.
Trim
He knows everything.
Matthews (seeing Trim)
Please? Ah, you here. I'm very glad to find you, Mr. Scamp.
Trim
Good day, sir, how are you?
Matthews
That has nothing to do with your business.
Trim
Pardon, sir. The interest that I take in your precious health from the
moment that I am separated from you, creates in my foreboding heart,
sentiments of the most lively tenderness, and delivers it into the
turmoil of the excess of both tender and passionate emotions. Now, you
are well, and I rejoice over it.
Matthews
Double crosser! It's not a question of this gammon you are telling me.
Trim
Anything you please. What is it a question of?
Matthews
Tell me where my son has been for the last week!
Trim
Didn't he tell you?
Matthews
He told me that he was at Cliffordshire Manor.
Trim
Well, that's the truth.
Matthews
Didn't I predict you would tell me that?
Trim
Yes, I said so, and I will continue to say so. When I tell the truth,
I fear nobody.
Matthews
I have to admire the effrontery of this gallows-bird.
Trim (wishing to escape)
Oh--if you're getting irritated.
Matthews
Stay put, or I'll brain you.
Trim
Is there something I can do to serve you? You have only to speak.
Matthews
And you, you have only two choices to make.
Trim
Let us see.
Matthews
Take two pounds or be pounded on the head twenty times.
Trim
Simple choice. I'll take the two pounds.
Matthews (giving him money)
Here they are.
Trim
Thank you, sir. I wish you a good day.
Matthews (astounded)
You're going somewhere?
Trim
Yes, indeed. Didn't I choose?
Matthews
And have you told me what I want to know?
Trim
What sir?
Matthews
Where did you spend the entire week? I know that it wasn't at
Cliffordshire Manor. Clifford's aunt, the Countess, has come. She was
staying with Clifford for two weeks, and she just told me that my son
had not put in an appearance.
Trim
She wouldn't dare to say that to my face.
Matthews
That we'll see. She's still here.
Trim
Oh, if she's still here, I have nothing to say. I cannot tell a woman
of her quality that she's crazy.
Matthews
You're trying to put me off the scent. But you won't succeed. I'm on
my guard. Come on, tell the truth.
Trim
Oh, willingly! It's my character to tell the truth.
Matthews
You sanctimonious hypocrite!
Trim
So, to tell you exactly--
Matthews
The double crosser is going to lie! But, reckon, that will serve
nothing. I know where you were.
Trim
If you know, why do you ask me?
Matthews
I want to hear it from your own mouth.
Trim
Oh, fie, sir! Where is honor, where is probity? I give the word of a
gentleman. Admit to me that you know nothing if I keep silent.
Matthews'
If you keep silent, I will roast you.
Trim
They will be blows wasted. I have shoulders equal to any beating. I am
of the race of sergeants and blows cannot frighten an illustrious
member of my family.
Matthews
A singularly well-bred villain.
Trim
It is I who have an interest to make you admit that you are totally
ignorant of where we have been.
Matthews
Why?
Trim
Because I am sensible of the honor. I want to be able to boast that
you have caught me, and gained nothing from your money.
Matthews
Well, I admit that all I know is that you were not where you said.
Trim
You don't know any more than that?
Matthews
No, that's the truth.
Trim
So much the better! May the plague choke me if I tell you any more.
Matthews
You won't speak?
Trim
Here's your money. I have the right to keep my mouth shut.
Matthews
And, I have the right to brain you.
Trim
Strike. I will make you see that I have degenerated not one whit from
the intrepidity of my forebears.
Matthews
His impudence leaves me helpless, and I know no more where I'm at than
before. I order you to leave my house, and to never let me see you
again.
(Exit Matthews.)
Trim
My word, I've had to withstand a rude assault--but, I brought it off
like a gentleman. Now, let's look for my master. I have to instruct
him.-- Here he is in the nick of time.
(Enter Walter.)
Walter
What's the matter with you, Trim?
Trim
Nothing. Just thinking about a terrible beating I almost got because
of you.
Walter
Because of me! And who is the rogue who wished to beat you?
Trim
Your honored father.
Walter
I don't understand a word. Are you joking?
Trim
No, indeed. The Countess of Cliffordshire has just informed Mr.
Matthews that we were nowhere near her nephew's estate.
Walter
Ah, the old fool. She has sworn to make me unhappy. It isn't the only
evil she has done me.
Trim
I know she's the devil.
Walter
You know she's been in love with me for the last two years and she's
mad for me to respond to her.
Trim
That's the truth! I've helped you deceive her a bit: you’ve had some
narrow escapes.
Walter
Here, you see, she's coming to persecute me some more.
Trim
Leave her to me. I'll give her her walking papers.
(Enter the Countess.)
Countess
Well, sir, you've finally decided to stop hoping for me.
Walter
Me, Madame? I have no intention of giving you any trouble.
Trim
He doesn't think you're the only one in the world.
Countess
I don't know about that! What's all this about your little hunting
trip?
Walter
Madame, with your indulgence, I really don't have any story to tell
you.
Countess
You don't owe me any explanation, little rogue! I can tell you better.
You must tell me now where you've been for the last eight days. Are
you pretending to me that you were with Clifford?---- I'm waiting,
faithless one, and I flatter myself that love will draw it from you.
Trim
Madame, he prayed for love to lead him, but unfortunately, they lost
their way and became separated.
Countess
Eh! You should have followed love, ingrate! How could you be in league
together, when I wasn't there?
Trim
They didn't know their way, Madame. Or me either. Love is blind, I
hear tell--and when one takes love for a guide, it's easy to get lost.
Countess
All this gallantry is useless. I want him to answer my questions
himself.
Walter
It suits you, Madame, to reproach me--after all you have done to
embroil me with my father. If my absence bothered you, you should have
had an explanation with me--I would have explained everything. But,
after the service you have just done me, I will tell you plainly, you
will learn nothing.
Countess
I will learn nothing! You will explain to me or I will strangle you.
Trim
Let it go, Madame--he's a bullhead, and won't say a thing. I will
respond to you; I will interpret his thoughts.
Countess
Well--speak, and I will recompense you in accordance with your
sincerity.
Trim
You have a very tender feeling for him.
Countess
So much, you cannot imagine. I lose my wits, my poor Trim.
Trim
It's apparent. You want him to respond with a tenderness equal to your
own.
Countess
Haven't I the right to expect it?
Trim
There are pros and cons to this business. He knows how you feel toward
him. He's a very penetrating fellow. There it is, Madame, I wager a
hundred pounds against you that he can never love you.
Countess
He can never love me, villain? I don't know what prevents me from
scratching your eyes out.
Trim
Softly, if you please. It is not I who am insensible to your charms--
on the contrary, I find them very--piquant--although they're not of
the first edition.
Countess
He can never love me! (to Walter) Is he speaking the truth, perfidious
wretch?
Walter
Madame, in truth--I am in confusion, if my heart were---- Trim,
explain all this to Madame La Comtesse.
Countess
He can never love me!
Trim
No, Madame, but it's your fault, not his.
Countess
It's my fault--after all that I've done?
Trim
That's true. We don't disagree. But the fact is, you have such
nobility in your looks, such majesty, and I don't know what that's
grave and imposing--that it can only inspire him with esteem and
respect. Love doesn't rub off from such venerable personages.
Countess
If my features inspire him with respect, my glances ought to inspire
him with love.
Trim
That's where we disagree.
Countess
You cannot disagree.
Walter
Hold, Madame, I've great obligations to you; I am too gallant a man
not to speak to you sincerely. Let me then disabuse you, and say to
you, with all respect, that I owe you that.
Countess
Don't finish, you double crosser. I know where that little speech is
going to end.
Trim
But, you are very wrong, Madame.
Countess
I am wrong, me! I am wrong! In what respect, if you please?
Trim
You're wrong to come into the world twenty years before he did. Why
were you in such a hurry? If you loved him with so much tenderness,
you ought to have planned ahead, and seen to it that he was born five
or six years before you.
Countess
That depends on me?
Trim
No, Madame. But it doesn't depend on him to love you.
Countess
Then, why was it necessary to deceive me with false protestations?
Trim
They were not his.
Countess
And, whose then?
Trim
His father's who let it all happen. You offered to help him in his
needs. The occasion was pressing. He saw a way to profit by your
generosity. For recompense you wanted signs of love. The poor boy put
himself to incredible expense in sighs and protestations. You treated
it as a trifle, and he had no other coin to pay you in.
Countess
You say not a word to this, sir?
Walter
My word, Madame, he who makes no protest consents.
Trim
Would you like me to tell you a way to revenge yourself on him?
Countess
You would give me a great satisfaction, because I am beside myself.
Trim
And I, I who speak to you, I am in a rage against him. Let's stand a
little further off.
Walter
What the devil's he going to say to her?
Trim
What are you looking for in a husband, Madame?"
Countess
A nice young man.
Trim
Well, I am your man. I will marry you, if you wish.
Countess
Get away from me, you wretch!
Trim
I will avenge you better than anyone else.
Countess
Get out, I tell you--I have a more sure way to punish this infidel.
Trim
That's what I'm afraid of.
Walter
And, what have I to fear?
Countess
Everything. I am going to marry you, in spite of yourself.
Walter
Marry me! Ah, Madame, you wouldn't be as cruel as that.
Countess
Yes, perjurer! I have just asked you from your father. I offered to
take you without a penny. My proposition was agreeable and he accepted
it, and that is enough for me. Goodbye, sir. Think about it. But, get
it in your head that I am to be your wife. I have sworn it--it will
be--and I am the one who tells you so,--and I am your very humble
servant.
(Exit Countess.)
Trim
She's woman enough to do just as she said--at the very least.
Walter
What a mess the crazy old fool has put me in.
(Enter Elizabeth and Anna.)
Elizabeth
Oh, brother dear, I really need your help.
Walter
Oh, sis, I really need your help.
Elizabeth
My father has put me in despair.
Walter
My father wishes me to die of sorrow.
Elizabeth
Papa intends to marry me to Mr. Nugent.
Walter
He wants me to marry the old countess.
Elizabeth
I'll die if I do it.
Walter
I'll die if I don't resist him.
Anna
Here's a good beginning. Our fortunes are parallel--and don't they
resemble each other in other respects?
Walter
Ah, Anna! My sister has less to complain of than I. She lacks the
strength to resist--and she will end up living with a man she has the
right to hate; but my fate is more cruel. For, I cannot follow
father's orders or explain to him the reasons that prevent me from
doing so.
Anna
We are in the same boat!
Walter
How can that be?
Anna
Explain yourself a little more and we will do the same.
Elizabeth
Brother--hide nothing from me, I beg you.
Walter
Ah, sister; I dare not speak. The slightest indiscretion and I am
lost.
Anna
Same here. A single word is capable of ruining everything.
Elizabeth
Brother, do you believe I am capable of betraying you?
Walter
I can't conceal anything from you--Trim--tell her what has happened. I
haven't the strength to do it myself.
Trim
Me, sir--reveal a secret! You take me for someone else.
Walter
All that I will admit--generally--is that I cannot marry from now on.
Elizabeth
Alas, brother, it is no longer permitted that you consent to the
marriage proposed for me.
Walter
The hardness of my father has constrained me to certain measures which
I am unable to take back.
Elizabeth
The same reason has put me under the necessity of consenting to
engagements which can no longer be broken.
Walter
I am already married, sis.
Elizabeth
I am already married, brother.
Walter
Ah, heavens, who is your spouse?
Elizabeth
Manly.
Walter
Manly--I know him. He's one of my friends.
Elizabeth
And who is the wife you have taken?
Walter
Julia. Miss Prescott.
Elizabeth
I know her. She's a darling.
Anna
So, the confidence has taken place.
Elizabeth
What role do you play, brother?
Walter
That of exposing myself to everyone rather than break my marriage
vows. And you, sis?
Elizabeth
To die, rather than break my word.
Anna
Here comes your father, with the Countess and Mr. Nugent.
Walter
I tremble.
Elizabeth
I can't any more.
(Enter Matthews, The Countess, and Mr. Nugent.)
Matthews
Here they are--both of them. I am going to make them agree to the
projects we've formed.
Countess
Here's where you must employ all your parental authority.
Nugent
For myself, I make no pretence to the hand of Miss Elizabeth, unless
she gives it to me from her heart.
Matthews
Oh, it's you, the huntsman. When will your return to Cliffordshire
Manor?
Walter
Father, if you will only listen to me.
Matthews
I don't have to listen. To mend the wrong you've done me, you must
prepare to obey me.
Walter
If what you order me to do is possible--if not, then I can't do it.
(Enter Belinda.)
Belinda
Papa, there are, I don't know how many maskers who have just come in
because they heard the violins. They are very nice. Do you want to let
them come here?
Matthews
They are very welcome. On a day like this, we must think only of
spreading joy.
(Enter Julia, Manly, and other Maskers.)
Countess
The assembly is not numerous, but it is agreeable. Come here, Walter,
here is a happy day for you.
Matthews
Assuredly, a happier one than he deserves.
Countess
You've been told my intentions.
Walter
Madame.
Countess
Now, I will marry you. All your rivals will die of jealousy--but you
deserve victory. As for the rest, your esteemed father has given his
word for our marriage.
Nugent
And, he promised me, too, Miss, that I will have the honor of marrying
you.
Matthews
Say something.
Countess
He's so overwhelmed with joy that he lacks the strength to thank me.
Nugent
Missy doesn't seem to me so rejoiced by the news I've brought her.
Matthews
We'll speak of that later, Madame. Let's think of our entertainment.
Countess
No, if you please, I want to finish. I only dance when I feel like it.
Walter
If you're in such a hurry to finish, Madame, I will take the liberty
of saying to you, with my father's permission--that I do not at all
wish to get married.
Countess (grandly)
All that is useless.
Walter
I have great respect for you, Madame--but that is all your person
inspires me with.
Matthews
It isn't a question of love or respect. The offer Madame made to me
was so advantageous for you, and for me, that you cannot do better
than marry her.
Walter
Does self interest oblige you to render me miserable? Cast a father's
eyes at me, and don't drive a son who throws himself at your feet to
despair. For I am resolved to die a thousand times rather than let
myself be mercilessly sacrificed.
Matthews
Get up, rogue, you will wait for me.
Walter
I won't get up unless you hear my reasons.
Matthews
I'm sure they're good ones. But I've given my word to Madame. As for
that, I don't wish to force you to marry her--but I beg you to resolve
this out of love for me. Can you refuse a request asked by your
father?---- When he has the right to make you obey him?
Walter
Heaven is my witness, I have tried to conquer my distaste and to
respond in kind to such a soft and obliging proceeding; if it still
depended on me to comply with your wishes in this--but you force me to
tell you, before the whole world, that I am not free and my word is
pledged forever.
Matthews
Forever! Without my consent?
Walter
Only consider the difficult step I have just taken. You never wanted
me to marry. I have taken a wife without your consent. My uncle, and
all my relatives advised me to do it. And it was in their presence
that I married Julia, Miss Prescott, a week ago.
Matthews
I'm delighted to know that, Mr. Rogue, I know what measures I must
take.
Walter
All your measures will be useless. I pray heaven to destroy me, if I
ever take another wife, except Julia, Miss Prescott. All the world
knows Julia,--Miss Prescott, to be wise and virtuous. She had noble
birth and a fortune large enough so that we can live comfortably
without having a charge on you. The whole world is ours.
Matthews
It infuriates me to agree he's right, and that I cannot disapprove
this marriage without injustice.
Countess
Well! I can break it, even if you are crazy enough to approve it.
Walter
And, by what right, Madame, if you please?
Nugent
Believe me, Madame, it's better to swallow the pill quietly.
Countess
Wait and see. He will marry me or I will have him abducted.
(Exit Countess.)
Matthews
Let her talk. It's a woman speaking. Anna, go find Julia. When you
cannot prevent things, you have to accept them with a good grace. I am
going to tell her myself that I recognize her as my daughter.
Julia (unmasking)
Here I am, sir. Let me receive this precious title and tell you that I
will do everything possible to be worthy of it.
Matthews
Ah, my daughter-in-law was in the masquerade. Be welcome, Madame. It’s
not necessary that I say anything more to you as you've overheard
everything.
Julia
I am touched by your kindness, and you will never regret it.
Walter
What a recompense I owe you father.
Matthews
Forget the sweet talk. Let's enjoy ourselves by celebrating another
marriage, the one between my daughter and Mr. Nugent.
Anna
Now, it's your turn, Miss. You must jump the ditch.
Elizabeth
While you're disposed to pardon, father, and since you've shown so
much indulgence to my poor brother and Julia. Let me ask you for the
same grace.
Matthews
What now?
Elizabeth
I don't love this gentleman. If my life means anything to you, don't
force me to marry him. I've thought about dying for a long time during
my illness--which was brought on by your refusal to let me marry
Manly. Be sure I am going to die at your feet if you don't approve my
marriage to Manly as well.
Matthews
If I don't approve the marriage! You're secretly married, too?
Elizabeth
It's with great confusion that I admit it. Yes, father, Manly is my
husband. I've been married to him for the last six months, and my aunt
who has a fortune wished to unite us together.
Matthews
Your uncle, your aunt. By God, I'm indebted to my brother and sister
for the care they take of my children! Well, here's an affair for
which there's less remedy than the other. Mr. Nugent, I cannot break
this marriage without dishonoring my daughter.
Nugent
There's nothing for me to do but leave this honorable company.
(Exit Nugent with a cold bow.)
Matthews
Come, come, I am well aware there's nothing I can do. Let some one
tell Manly that I accept him as my son-in-law--but on condition that
he gets nothing from me until I die.
Manly (unmasking)
I accept this condition with all my heart. I'm very happy you deign to
give me Elizabeth, who is worth a hundred times more to me than all
the wealth in the world.
Matthews
Oh, my dancing master, you demonstrate to my daughter without my
permission?-- As for that, children, I pardon your faults and your
follies, provided you pardon mine.
Walter
What's that mean, father?
Matthews
I am secretly married, too. Me, your modest father.
Trim
Without our consent?
Matthews
I didn't wish to declare the business for fear it might upset you, but
this development mutually excuses all.
Walter
Let's see our step-mother, and we will receive her with all the
tenderness and respect we owe you.
Matthews
She is also in the masquerade, and it was for her that I planned the
party. Deign to unmask, Madame, and take these young marrieds for your
children.
Sonia (unmasking)
I'm very happy to enter into so loveable a family. I hope they are as
happy as I am to be their mother.
Trim
Anna, shall we give our consent to this marriage?
Anna
One could criticize it. But, come, it's necessary to grant a general
amnesty.
Belinda
Papa. I have one more blessing to ask you.
Matthews
What? My God, wench, are you secretly married, too?
Belinda
No, no, Papa. I don't want to be married except by your consent. So I
bet you; it would be so nice.
Matthews
We shall see in a few years. Good Lord, it's a rage that runs through
the entire family.
Trim
The company is getting impatient. Let the entertainment begin.
CURTAIN