Harold Bell Wright - "The Shepherd of the Hills"

Douay Rheims - "The Holy Bible Part 2"

L. Frank Baum - "The Sea Fairies"

G. K. Chesterton - "Utopia of Usurers and other Essays"

The Journal to Stella

J >> Jonathan Swift >> The Journal to Stella




27. To-day all our company dined at Will Frankland's, with Steele and Addison
too. This is the first rainy day since I came to town; I cannot afford to
answer your letter yet. Morgan,[11] the puppy, writ me a long letter, to
desire I would recommend him for purse-bearer or secretary to the next Lord
Chancellor that would come with the next Governor. I will not answer him; but
beg you will say these words to his father Raymond,[12] or anybody that will
tell him: That Dr. Swift has received his letter; and would be very ready to
serve him, but cannot do it in what he desires, because he has no sort of
interest in the persons to be applied to. These words you may write, and let
Joe, or Mr. Warburton,[13] give them to him: a pox on him! However, it is by
these sort of ways that fools get preferment. I must not end yet, because I
cannot say good-night without losing a line, and then MD would scold; but now,
good-night.

28. I have the finest piece of Brazil tobacco for Dingley that ever was
born.[14] You talk of Leigh; why, he won't be in Dublin these two months: he
goes to the country, then returns to London, to see how the world goes here in
Parliament. Good-night, sirrahs; no, no, not night; I writ this in the
morning, and looking carelessly I thought it had been of last night. I dined
to-day with Mrs. Barton[15] alone at her lodgings; where she told me for
certain, that Lady S---- was with child when she was last in England, and
pretended a tympany, and saw everybody; then disappeared for three weeks, her
tympany was gone, and she looked like a ghost, etc. No wonder she married
when she was so ill at containing. Connolly[16] is out; and Mr. Roberts in
his place, who loses a better here, but was formerly a Commissioner in
Ireland. That employment cost Connolly three thousand pounds to Lord Wharton;
so he has made one ill bargain in his life.

29. I wish MD a merry Michaelmas. I dined with Mr. Addison, and Jervas the
painter, at Addison's country place; and then came home, and writ more to my
lampoon. I made a Tatler since I came: guess which it is, and whether the
Bishop of Clogher smokes it. I saw Mr. Sterne[17] to-day: he will do as you
order, and I will give him chocolate for Stella's health. He goes not these
three weeks. I wish I could send it some other way. So now to your letter,
brave boys. I don't like your way of saving shillings: nothing vexes me but
that it does not make Stella a coward in a coach.[18] I don't think any lady's
advice about my ear signifies twopence: however I will, in compliance to you,
ask Dr. Cockburn. Radcliffe[19] I know not, and Barnard[20] I never see.
Walls will certainly be stingier for seven years, upon pretence of his
robbery. So Stella puns again; why, 'tis well enough; but I'll not second it,
though I could make a dozen: I never thought of a pun since I left Ireland.--
Bishop of Clogher's bill? Why, he paid it to me; do you think I was such a
fool to go without it? As for the four shillings, I will give you a bill on
Parvisol for it on t'other side of this paper; and pray tear off the two
letters I shall write to him and Joe, or let Dingley transcribe and send them;
though that to Parvisol, I believe, he must have my hand for. No, no, I'll
eat no grapes; I ate about six the other day at Sir John Holland's; but would
not give sixpence for a thousand, they are so bad this year. Yes, faith, I
hope in God Presto and MD will be together this time twelvemonth. What then?
Last year I suppose I was at Laracor; but next I hope to eat my Michaelmas
goose at my two little gooses' lodgings. I drink no aile (I suppose you mean
ale); but yet good wine every day, of five and six shillings a bottle. O
Lord, how much Stella writes! pray don't carry that too far, young women, but
be temperate, to hold out. To-morrow I go to Mr. Harley.[21] Why, small hopes
from the Duke of Ormond: he loves me very well, I believe, and would, in my
turn, give me something to make me easy; and I have good interest among his
best friends. But I don't think of anything further than the business I am
upon. You see I writ to Manley before I had your letter, and I fear he will
be out. Yes, Mrs. Owl, Bligh's corpse[22] came to Chester when I was there;
and I told you so in my letter, or forgot it. I lodge in Bury Street, where I
removed a week ago. I have the first floor, a dining-room, and bed-chamber,
at eight shillings a week; plaguy deep, but I spend nothing for eating, never
go to a tavern, and very seldom in a coach; yet after all it will be
expensive. Why do you trouble yourself, Mistress Stella, about my instrument?
I have the same the Archbishop gave me; and it is as good now the bishops are
away. The Dean friendly! the Dean be poxed: a great piece of friendship
indeed, what you heard him tell the Bishop of Clogher; I wonder he had the
face to talk so: but he lent me money, and that's enough. Faith, I would not
send this these four days, only for writing to Joe and Parvisol. Tell the
Dean that when the bishops send me any packets, they must not write to me at
Mr. Steele's; but direct for Mr. Steele, at his office at the Cockpit, and let
the enclosed be directed for me: that mistake cost me eighteenpence the other
day.

30. I dined with Stratford to-day, but am not to see Mr. Harley till
Wednesday: it is late, and I send this before there is occasion for the bell;
because I would have Joe have his letter, and Parvisol too; which you must so
contrive as not to cost them double postage. I can say no more, but that I
am, etc.



LETTER 5.

LONDON, Sept. 30, 1710.

Han't I brought myself into a fine praemunire,[1] to begin writing letters in
whole sheets? and now I dare not leave it off. I cannot tell whether you like
these journal letters: I believe they would be dull to me to read them over;
but, perhaps, little MD is pleased to know how Presto passes his time in her
absence. I always begin my last the same day I ended my former. I told you
where I dined to-day at a tavern with Stratford: Lewis,[2] who is a great
favourite of Harley's, was to have been with us; but he was hurried to Hampton
Court, and sent his excuse; and that next Wednesday he would introduce me to
Harley. 'Tis good to see what a lamentable confession the Whigs all make me
of my ill usage: but I mind them not. I am already represented to Harley as
a discontented person, that was used ill for not being Whig enough; and I hope
for good usage from him. The Tories drily tell me, I may make my fortune, if
I please; but I do not understand them--or rather, I do understand them.

Oct. 1. To-day I dined at Molesworth's, the Florence Envoy; and sat this
evening with my friend Darteneuf,[3] whom you have heard me talk of; the
greatest punner of this town next myself. Have you smoked the Tatler that I
writ?[4] It is much liked here, and I think it a pure[5] one. To-morrow I go
with Delaval,[6] the Portugal Envoy, to dine with Lord Halifax near Hampton
Court.[7] Your Manley's brother, a Parliament-man here, has gotten an
employment;[8] and I am informed uses much interest to preserve his brother:
and, to-day, I spoke to the elder Frankland to engage his father (Postmaster
here); and I hope he will be safe, although he is cruelly hated by all the
Tories of Ireland. I have almost finished my lampoon, and will print it for
revenge on a certain great person.[9] It has cost me but three shillings in
meat and drink since I came here, as thin as the town is. I laugh to see
myself so disengaged in these revolutions. Well, I must leave off, and go
write to Sir John Stanley,[10] to desire him to engage Lady Hyde as my
mistress to engage Lord Hyde[11] in favour of Mr. Pratt.[12]

2. Lord Halifax was at Hampton Court at his lodgings, and I dined with him
there with Methuen,[13] and Delaval, and the late Attorney-General.[14] I went
to the Drawing-room before dinner (for the Queen was at Hampton Court), and
expected to see nobody; but I met acquaintance enough. I walked in the
gardens, saw the cartoons of Raphael, and other things; and with great
difficulty got from Lord Halifax, who would have kept me to-morrow to show me
his house and park, and improvements. We left Hampton Court at sunset, and
got here in a chariot and two horses time enough by starlight. That's
something charms me mightily about London; that you go dine a dozen miles off
in October, stay all day, and return so quickly: you cannot do anything like
this in Dublin.[15] I writ a second penny post letter to your mother, and hear
nothing of her. Did I tell you that Earl Berkeley died last Sunday was
se'nnight, at Berkeley Castle, of a dropsy? Lord Halifax began a health to me
to-day; it was the Resurrection of the Whigs, which I refused unless he would
add their Reformation too and I told him he was the only Whig in England I
loved, or had any good opinion of.

3. This morning Stella's sister[16] came to me with a letter from her mother,
who is at Sheen; but will soon be in town, and will call to see me: she gave
me a bottle of palsy water,[17] a small one, and desired I would send it you
by the first convenience, as I will; and she promises a quart bottle of the
same: your sister looked very well, and seems a good modest sort of girl. I
went then to Mr. Lewis, first secretary to Lord Dartmouth,[18] and favourite
to Mr. Harley, who is to introduce me to-morrow morning. Lewis had with him
one Mr. Dyot,[19] a Justice of Peace, worth twenty thousand pounds, a
Commissioner of the Stamp Office, and married to a sister of Sir Philip
Meadows,[20] Envoy to the Emperor. I tell you this, because it is odds but
this Mr. Dyot will be hanged; for he is discovered to have counterfeited
stamped paper, in which he was a Commissioner; and, with his accomplices, has
cheated the Queen of a hundred thousand pounds. You will hear of it before
this come to you, but may be not so particularly; and it is a very odd
accident in such a man. Smoke Presto writing news to MD. I dined to-day with
Lord Mountjoy at Kensington, and walked from thence this evening to town like
an emperor. Remember that yesterday, October 2, was a cruel hard frost, with
ice; and six days ago I was dying with heat. As thin as the town is, I have
more dinners than ever; and am asked this month by some people, without being
able to come for pre-engagements. Well, but I should write plainer, when I
consider Stella cannot read,[21] and Dingley is not so skilful at my ugly
hand. I had tonight a letter from Mr. Pratt, who tells me Joe will have his
money when there are trustees appointed by the Lord Lieutenant for receiving
and disposing the linen fund; and whenever those trustees are appointed, I
will solicit whoever is Lord Lieutenant, and am in no fear of succeeding. So
pray tell or write him word, and bid him not be cast down; for Ned
Southwell[22] and Mr. Addison both think Pratt in the right. Don't lose your
money at Manley's to-night, sirrahs.

4. After I had put out my candle last night, my landlady came into my room,
with a servant of Lord Halifax, to desire I would go dine with him at his
house near Hampton Court; but I sent him word, I had business of great
importance that hindered me, etc. And to-day I was brought privately to Mr.
Harley, who received me with the greatest respect and kindness imaginable: he
has appointed me an hour on Saturday at four, afternoon, when I will open my
business to him; which expression I would not use if I were a woman. I know
you smoked it; but I did not till I writ it. I dined to-day at Mr. Delaval's,
the Envoy for Portugal, with Nic Rowe[23] the poet, and other friends; and I
gave my lampoon to be printed. I have more mischief in my heart; and I think
it shall go round with them all, as this hits, and I can find hints. I am
certain I answered your 2d letter, and yet I do not find it here. I suppose
it was in my 4th: and why N. 2d, 3d; is it not enough to say, as I do, 1, 2,
3? etc. I am going to work at another Tatler:[24] I'll be far enough but I
say the same thing over two or three times, just as I do when I am talking to
little MD; but what care I? they can read it as easily as I can write it: I
think I have brought these lines pretty straight again. I fear it will be
long before I finish two sides at this rate. Pray, dear MD, when I
occasionally give you any little commission mixed with my letters, don't
forget it, as that to Morgan and Joe, etc., for I write just as I can
remember, otherwise I would put them all together. I was to visit Mr. Sterne
to-day, and give him your commission about handkerchiefs: that of chocolate I
will do myself, and send it him when he goes, and you'll pay me when the
GIVER'S BREAD,[25] etc. To-night I will read a pamphlet, to amuse myself.
God preserve your dear healths!

5. This morning Delaval came to see me, and we went together to
Kneller's,[26] who was not in town. In the way we met the electors for
Parliament-men:[27] and the rabble came about our coach, crying, "A Colt, a
Stanhope," etc. We were afraid of a dead cat, or our glasses broken, and so
were always of their side. I dined again at Delaval's; and in the evening, at
the Coffee-house, heard Sir Andrew Fountaine[28] was come to town. This has
been but an insipid sort of day, and I have nothing to remark upon it worth
threepence: I hope MD had a better, with the Dean, the Bishop, or Mrs.
Walls.[29] Why, the reason you lost four and eightpence last night but one at
Manley's was, because you played bad games: I took notice of six that you had
ten to one against you: Would any but a mad lady go out twice upon Manilio;
Basto, and two small diamonds?[30] Then in that game of spades, you blundered
when you had ten-ace; I never saw the like of you: and now you are in a huff
because I tell you this. Well, here's two and eightpence halfpenny towards
your loss.

6. Sir Andrew Fountaine came this morning, and caught me writing in bed. I
went into the city with him; and we dined at the Chop-house with Will
Pate,[31] the learned woollen-draper: then we sauntered at China-shops[32]
and booksellers; went to the tavern, drank two pints of white wine, and never
parted till ten: and now I am come home, and must copy out some papers I
intend for Mr. Harley, whom I am to see, as I told you, to-morrow afternoon;
so that this night I shall say little to MD, but that I heartily wish myself
with them, and will come as soon as I either fail, or compass my business. We
now hear daily of elections; and, in a list I saw yesterday of about twenty,
there are seven or eight more Tories than in the last Parliament; so that I
believe they need not fear a majority, with the help of those who will vote as
the Court pleases. But I have been told that Mr. Harley himself would not let
the Tories be too numerous, for fear they should be insolent, and kick against
him; and for that reason they have kept several Whigs in employments, who
expected to be turned out every day; as Sir John Holland the Comptroller, and
many others. And so get you gone to your cards, and your claret and orange,
at the Dean's; and I'll go write.

7. I wonder when this letter will be finished: it must go by Tuesday, that's
certain; and if I have one from MD before, I will not answer it, that's as
certain too. 'Tis now morning, and I did not finish my papers for Mr. Harley
last night; for you must understand Presto was sleepy, and made blunders and
blots. Very pretty that I must be writing to young women in a morning fresh
and fasting, faith. Well, good-morrow to you; and so I go to business, and
lay aside this paper till night, sirrahs.--At night. Jack How[33] told Harley
that if there were a lower place in hell than another, it was reserved for his
porter, who tells lies so gravely, and with so civil a manner. This porter I
have had to deal with, going this evening at four to visit Mr. Harley, by his
own appointment. But the fellow told me no lie, though I suspected every word
he said. He told me his master was just gone to dinner, with much company,
and desired I would come an hour hence: which I did, expecting to hear Mr.
Harley was gone out; but they had just done dinner. Mr. Harley came out to
me, brought me in, and presented to me his son-in-law Lord Doblane[34] (or
some such name) and his own son,[35] and, among others, Will Penn[36] the
Quaker: we sat two hours drinking as good wine as you do; and two hours more
he and I alone; where he heard me tell my business; entered into it with all
kindness; asked for my powers, and read them; and read likewise a memorial[37]
I had drawn up, and put it in his pocket to show the Queen; told me the
measures he would take; and, in short, said everything I could wish: told me,
he must bring Mr. St. John[38] (Secretary of State) and me acquainted; and
spoke so many things of personal kindness and esteem for me, that I am
inclined half to believe what some friends have told me, that he would do
everything to bring me over. He has desired to dine with me (what a comical
mistake was that!). I mean he has desired me to dine with him on Tuesday; and
after four hours being with him, set me down at St. James's Coffee-house in a
hackney-coach. All this is odd and comical, if you consider him and me. He
knew my Christian name very well. I could not forbear saying thus much upon
this matter, although you will think it tedious. But I'll tell you; you must
know, 'tis fatal[39] to me to be a scoundrel and a prince the same day: for,
being to see him at four, I could not engage myself to dine at any friend's;
so I went to Tooke,[40] to give him a ballad, and dine with him; but he was
not at home: so I was forced to go to a blind[41] chop-house, and dine for
tenpence upon gill-ale,[42] bad broth, and three chops of mutton; and then go
reeking from thence to the First Minister of State. And now I am going in
charity to send Steele a Tatler, who is very low of late. I think I am
civiller than I used to be; and have not used the expression of "you in
Ireland" and "we in England" as I did when I was here before, to your great
indignation.--They may talk of the you know what;[43] but, gad, if it had not
been for that, I should never have been able to get the access I have had; and
if that helps me to succeed, then that same thing will be serviceable to the
Church. But how far we must depend upon new friends, I have learnt by long
practice, though I think among great Ministers, they are just as good as old
ones. And so I think this important day has made a great hole in this side of
the paper; and the fiddle-faddles of tomorrow and Monday will make up the
rest; and, besides, I shall see Harley on Tuesday before this letter goes.

8. I must tell you a great piece of refinement[44] of Harley. He charged me
to come to him often: I told him I was loth to trouble him in so much
business as he had, and desired I might have leave to come at his levee; which
he immediately refused, and said, that was not a place for friends to come to.
'Tis now but morning; and I have got a foolish trick, I must say something to
MD when I wake, and wish them a good-morrow; for this is not a shaving-day,
Sunday, so I have time enough: but get you gone, you rogues, I must go write:
Yes, 'twill vex me to the blood if any of these long letters
should miscarry: if they do, I will shrink to half-sheets again; but then
what will you do to make up the journal? there will be ten days of Presto's
life lost; and that will be a sad thing, faith and troth.--At night. I was at
a loss today for a dinner, unless I would have gone a great way, so I dined
with some friends that board hereabout,[45] as a spunger;[46] and this evening
Sir Andrew Fountaine would needs have me go to the tavern; where, for two
bottles of wine, Portugal and Florence, among three of us, we had sixteen
shillings to pay; but if ever he catches me so again, I'll spend as many
pounds: and therefore I have it among my extraordinaries but we had a neck of
mutton dressed a la Maintenon, that the dog could not eat: and it is now
twelve o'clock, and I must go sleep. I hope this letter will go before I have
MD's third. Do you believe me? and yet, faith, I long for MD's third too and
yet I would have it to say, that I writ five for two. I am not fond at all of
St. James's Coffee-house,[47] as I used to be. I hope it will mend in winter;
but now they are all out of town at elections, or not come from their country
houses. Yesterday I was going with Dr. Garth[48] to dine with Charles
Main,[49] near the Tower, who has an employment there: he is of Ireland; the
Bishop of Clogher knows him well: an honest, good-natured fellow, a thorough
hearty laugher, mightily beloved by the men of wit: his mistress is never
above a cook-maid. And so, good-night, etc.

9. I dined to-day at Sir John Stanley's; my Lady Stanley[50] is one of my
favourites: I have as many here as the Bishop of Killala has in Ireland. I
am thinking what scurvy company I shall be to MD when I come back: they know
everything of me already: I will tell you no more, or I shall have nothing to
say, no story to tell, nor any kind of thing. I was very uneasy last night
with ugly, nasty, filthy wine, that turned sour on my stomach. I must go to
the tavern: oh, but I told you that before. To-morrow I dine at Harley's,
and will finish this letter at my return; but I can write no more now, because
of the Archbishop: faith, 'tis true; for I am going now to write to him an
account of what I have done in the business with Harley:[51] and, faith, young
women, I'll tell you what you must count upon, that I never will write one
word on the third side in these long letters.

10. Poor MD's letter was lying so huddled up among papers, I could not find
it: I mean poor Presto's letter. Well, I dined with Mr. Harley to-day, and
hope some things will be done; but I must say no more: and this letter must
be sent to the post-house, and not by the bellman.[52] I am to dine again
there on Sunday next; I hope to some good issue. And so now, soon as ever I
can in bed, I must begin my 6th to MD as gravely as if I had not written a
word this month: fine doings, faith! Methinks I don't write as I should,
because I am not in bed: see the ugly wide lines. God Almighty ever bless
you, etc.

Faith, this is a whole treatise; I'll go reckon the lines on the other sides.
I've reckoned them.[53]



LETTER 6.

LONDON, Oct. 10, 1710.

So, as I told you just now in the letter I sent half an hour ago, I dined with
Mr. Harley to-day, who presented me to the Attorney-General, Sir Simon
Harcourt, with much compliment on all sides, etc. Harley told me he had shown
my memorial to the Queen, and seconded it very heartily; and he desires me to
dine with him again on Sunday, when he promises to settle it with Her Majesty,
before she names a Governor:[1] and I protest I am in hopes it will be done,
all but the forms, by that time; for he loves the Church. This is a popular
thing, and he would not have a Governor share in it; and, besides, I am told
by all hands, he has a mind to gain me over. But in the letter I writ last
post (yesterday) to the Archbishop, I did not tell him a syllable of what Mr.
Harley said to me last night, because he charged me to keep it secret; so I
would not tell it to you, but that, before this goes, I hope the secret will
be over. I am now writing my poetical "Description of a Shower in London,"
and will send it to the Tatler.[2] This is the last sheet of a whole quire I
have written since I came to town. Pray, now it comes into my head, will you,
when you go to Mrs. Walls, contrive to know whether Mrs. Wesley[3] be in town,
and still at her brother's, and how she is in health, and whether she stays in
town. I writ to her from Chester, to know what I should do with her note; and
I believe the poor woman is afraid to write to me: so I must go to my
business, etc.

11. To-day at last I dined with Lord Mountrath,[4] and carried Lord Mountjoy,
and Sir Andrew Fountaine with me; and was looking over them at ombre till
eleven this evening like a fool: they played running ombre half-crowns; and
Sir Andrew Fountaine won eight guineas of Mr. Coote;[5] so I am come home
late, and will say but little to MD this night. I have gotten half a bushel
of coals, and Patrick, the extravagant whelp, had a fire ready for me; but I
picked off the coals before I went to bed. It is a sign London is now an
empty place, when it will not furnish me with matter for above five or six
lines in a day. Did you smoke in my last how I told you the very day and the
place you were playing at ombre? But I interlined and altered a little, after
I had received a letter from Mr. Manley, that said you were at it in his
house, while he was writing to me; but without his help I guessed within one
day. Your town is certainly much more sociable than ours. I have not seen
your mother yet, etc.

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