The Real Diary of a Real Boy
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Henry A. Shute >> The Real Diary of a Real Boy
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THE REAL DIARY OF A REAL BOY
BY HENRY A. SHUTE
INTRODUCTION
In the winter of 1901-02, while rummaging an old closet in the
shed-chamber of my father's house, I unearthed a salt-box which had
been equipped with leather hinges at the expense of considerable
ingenuity, and at a very remote period. In addition to this, a hasp
of the same material, firmly fastened by carpet-tacks and a catch of
bent wire, bade defiance to burglars, midnight marauders, and
safe-breakers.
With the aid of a tack-hammer the combination was readily solved,
and an eager examination of the contents of the box disclosed: --
1. Fish-line of braided shoemaker's thread, with perch hook, to
which adhered the mummied remains of a worm that lived and
flourished many, many years ago.
2. Popgun of pith elder and hoop-skirt wire.
3. Horse-chestnut bolas, calculated to revolve in opposite
directions with great velocity, by an up-and-down motion of the
holder's wrist; also extensively used for the adornment of
telegraph-wires, --there were no telephones in those days, --and
the cause of great profanity amongst linemen.
4. More fish-hooks of the ring variety, now obsolete.
5. One blood alley, two chinees, a parti-colored glass agate,
three pewees, and unnumbered drab-colored marbles.
6. Small bow of whalebone, with two arrows.
7. Six-inch bean-blower, for school use--a weapon of considerable
range and great precision when used with judgment behind a
Guyot's Common School Geography.
8. Unexpended ammunition for same, consisting of putty pellets.
9. Frog's hind leg, extra dry.
10. Wing of bluejay, very ditto.
11. Letter from "Beany," postmarked "Biddeford, Me." and expressing
great indignation because "Pewt" "hasent wrote."
12. Copy-book inscribed "Diry."
The examination of this copy-book lasted the rest of the day, and it
was read with the peculiar pleasure one experiences in reviewing
some of the events of a happy boyhood.
With the earnest hope that others may experience a little of the
pleasure I gained from the reading, I submit the "Diry" to the
public.
HENRY A. SHUTE.
EXETER, N. H. Sept. 23, 1902.
DIRY
Father thot i aught to keep a diry, but i sed i dident want to,
because i coodent wright well enuf, but he sed he wood give $1000
dolars if he had kept a diry when he was a boy.
Mother said she gessed nobody wood dass to read it, but father said
everybody would tumble over each other to read it, anyhow he wood
give $1000 dolars if he had kept it. i told him i wood keep one
regular if he wood give me a quarter of a dolar a week, but he said
i had got to keep it anyhow and i woodent get no quarter for it
neither, but he woodent ask to read it for a year, and i know he
will forget it before that, so i am going to wright just what i
want to in it. Father always forgets everything but my lickins.
he remembers them every time you bet.
So i have got to keep it, but it seems to me that my diry is worth a
quarter of a dolar a week if fathers is worth $1000 dolars,
everybody says father was a buster when he was a boy and went round
with Gim Melcher and Charles Talor. my grandmother says i am the
best boy she ever see, if i dident go with Beany Watson and Pewter
Purinton, it was Beany and Pewt made me tuf.
there dos'nt seem to be much to put into a diry only fites and who
got licked at school and if it ranes or snows, so i will begin
today.
December 1, 186- brite and fair, late to brekfast, but mother dident
say nothing. father goes to boston and works in the custum house so
i can get up as late as i want to. father says he works like time,
but i went to boston once and father dident do anything but tell
stories about what he and Gim Melcher usted to do when he was a
boy. once or twice when a man came in they would all be wrighting
fast, when the man came in again i sed why do you all wright so fast
when he comes in and stop when he goes out, and the man sort of
laffed and went out laffing, and the men were mad and told father
not to bring that dam little fool again.
December 2. Skinny Bruce got licked in school today. I told my
granmother about it and she said she was glad i dident do enything
to get punnished for and she felt sure i never wood. i dident tell
her i had to stay in the wood box all the morning with the cover down,
i dident tell father either you bet.
December 2. rany. i forgot to say it raned yesterday too. i got cold
and have a red rag round my gozzle.
December 2. pretty near had a fite in schol today. Skinny Bruce
and Frank Elliot got rite up with there fists up when the bell rung.
it was two bad, it wood have been a buly fite. i bet on Skinny.
December 3, 186- brite and fair. went to church today. Me and Pewt
and Beany go to the Unitarial church. we all joined sunday school to
get into the Crismas festerval. they have it in the town hall and
have two trees and supper and presents for the scholars. so we are
going to stay til after crismas anyway the unitarials have jest
built a new church. Pewt and Beany's fathers painted it and so they
go there. i don't know why we go there xcept because they don't have
any church in the afternoon. Nipper Brown and Micky Gould go there.
we all went into the same class. our teacher is Mister Winsor a student.
we call them stewdcats. after we had said our lesson we all skinned
out with Mr. Winsor. when we went down Maple street we saw 2 roosters
fiting in Dany Wingates yard, and we stoped to see it. i knew more
about fiting roosters than any of the fellers, because me and Ed
Towle had fit roosters lots. Mr. Winsor said i was a sport, well
while the roosters were fiting, sunday school let out and he skipped
acros the street and walked off with one of the girls and we
hollered for him to come and see the fite out, and he turned red and
looked mad. the leghorn squorked and stuck his head into a corner.
when a rooster squorks he wont fite any more.
December 5. snowed today and school let out at noon. this afternoon
went down to the library to plug stewdcats. there was me and Beany
and Pewt, and Whacker and Pozzy Chadwick and Pricilla Hobbs.
Pricilla is a feller you know, and Pheby Talor, Pheby is a feller
too, and Lubbin Smith and Nigger Bell, he is'nt a nigger only we
call him Nigger, and Tommy Tompson and Dutchey Seamans and Chick
Chickering, and Tady Finton and Chitter Robinson.
December 6. Gim Wingate has got a new bobtail coat.
December 7, 186- Got sent to bed last nite for smoking hayseed
cigars and can't go with Beany enny more. It is funny, my father
wont let me go with Beany becaus he is tuf, and Pewts father wont
let Pewt go with me becaus im tuf, and Beanys father says if he
catches me or Pewt in his yard he will lick time out of us.
Rany today.
December 8. Skinny Bruce got licked in school today. Skipy Moses was
in the wood box all the morning.
December 9. brite and fair, speakin day today. missed in Horatius
at the brige.
December 10. Clowdy but no rane. went to church. lots of new fellers
in sunday school. me and Beany and Pewt and Pile Woods and Billy
Folsom and Jimmy Gad and lots of others. Mister Winsor dident teach
today, gess they woodent let him on account of the rooster fite.
December 11. My new boots from Tommy Gads came today. i tell you
they are clumpers. no snow yet.
December 12. Crismas is pretty near, dont know wether i shall get
ennything. father says i dont desirve ennything. you can get
goozeberrys down to Si Smiths 1 dozen for 5 cents. He has a funny
sine it is
flour
meal
molasses
sugar
coffe
tea
spises
pork &
lard
salt
butter
ham
eggs
&so
December 15. Fite at resess today, Gran Miller and Ben Rundlet.
Ben licked him easy. the fellers got to stumping each other to
fite. Micky Gould said he cood lick me and i said he want man enuf
and he said if i wood come out behind the school house after school
he wood show me and i said i wood and all the fellers hollered and
said they wood be there. But after school i thaught i aught to go
home and split my kindlings and so i went home. a feller aught to
do something for his family ennyway. i cood have licked him if i
had wanted to.
December 16. Tady Finton got licked in school today. snowed today
a little.
December 17. rained in the nite and then snowed a little. it was
auful slipery and coming out of church Squire Lane fell down whak
and Mr Burley cought hold of the fence and his feet went so fast
that they seemed all fuzzy, i tell you if he cood run as fast as
that he cood run a mile a minite.
December 18. brite and fair. nothing particilar. o yes, Skinny Bruce
got licked in school.
December 19. Cold as time. Went to a sosiable tonite at the
Unitarial vestry. cant go again because Keene told mother i was
impident to the people. i want impident. you see they was making
poetry and all sitting around the vestry. they wanted to play
copenhagin and post office and clap in and clap out, but Mister Erl
woodent let them because it was in church. so they had to play
poetry. one person wood give a word and then the oppisite person
wood give a word that rimed with it. it was auful silly. a girl wood
give the word direxion and then a stewdcat wood say affexion and
waul his eyes towards the girl. and then another wood say miss, and
another stewdcat wood say kiss and then he wood waul his eyes, and
when it came my turn i said what rimes with jellycake, and the girls
turned red and the stewdcats looked funny, and Mister Burley said
if i coodent behave i had better go home. Keene needent have told
mother anyway. You jest wait Keene, and see what will happen
some day.
December 20. Bully skating. went after school and skated way up to
the eddy, was going to skate with Lucy Watson but Pewt and Beany
hollered so that i dident dass to. John Toomey got hit with a hockey
block rite in the snoot and broke his nose.
December 21. Brite and fair. nothing particular to-day. nobody got
licked. old Francis had his hand done up in a sling. he said he had
a bile on it. i tell you the fellers were glad.
December 22. Warm and rany and spoiled the skating. coodent do
anything but think of Crismas.
December 23. Saturday and no skating. went down to the library to
get a book for Sunday. me and Beany were sticking pins into the
fellers and making them holler and Jo Parsons the libarian jumped
rite over the counter and chased us way down to Mr. Hams coffin
shop. he dident catch us either. then we went down town and Billy
Swett lent me a dime novel to read sunday. it was named Billy
Bolegs a sequil to Nat Tod the traper. sequil means the things in
Nat Tod that was not finished.
December 24. Brite and fair. Crismas tomorrow. went to sunday school.
Mr. Lovel is our teacher now.
December 25. Crismas. got a new nife, a red and white scarf and a
bag of Si Smiths goozeberies. pretty good for me.
December 26. Crismas tree at the town hall. had supper and got a bag
of candy and a long string of pop corn. Mr. Lovel took off the presents
and his whiskers caught fire, and he hollered o hell right out.
that was pretty good for a sunday school teacher, wasent it.
Jimmy Gad et too much and was sick.
December 27. Beany has got a new striped shirt not a false bosom but
a whole shirt. Beany wont speak to me now. Lucy Watson has got a new
blew hat with a fether. she wont speak to Keene and Cele eether. you
jest wait Beany and Lucy and see.
Jan. 1, 186-Had an awful time in school today. me and Cawcaw Harding
set together. when we came in from resess Cawcaw reached over and hit
me a bat, and i lent him one in the snoot, and he hit me back. we was
jest fooling, but old Francis called Cawcaw up front to lick him.
i thought if i went up and told him he wood say, noble boy go to
your seat, i wont lick neether of you. anyway i knew that Cawcaw
wood tell on me, and so i told old Francis i hit Cawcaw first, and
old Francis said Harry i have had my eye on you for a long time, and
he jest took us up and slammed us together, and then he wood put me
down and shake Cawcaw and then he wood put Cawcaw down and shake me
till my head wabbled and he turned me upside down and all the
fellers looked upside down and went round and round and somehow i
felt silly like and kind of like laffin. i dident want to laff but
coodent help it. and then he talked to us and sent us to our seats
and told us to study, and i tried to but all the words in the book
went round and round and i felt awful funny and kind of wabbly, and
when i went home mother said something was the matter and i told her
and then i cried, i don't know what i cried for, becaus i dident
ake any. father said he wood lick me at home when i got licked at
school and perhaps that was why i cried. ennyway when father come
home i asked him if he was a going to lick me and he said not by a
dam sight, and he gave me ten cents and when i went to bed i got
laffin and crying all to once, and coodent stop, and mother set
in my room and kept her hand on my forred until i went to sleep.
i drempt i was fiting all the time. when i get big enuf there is
going to be a fite between me and old Francis, you see if there aint.
Jan. 2, Me and Beany has made up. i told him i had ten cents and
then he dident feel so big about his new shirt. ennyway we went down
to Si Smiths and got a dozen goozeberries and then went down to
doctor Derborns and got a glass of sody water and took turns
drinking it and seeing which cood gulp the loudest. Beany beat.
Jan. 3. brite and fair. Went down to Pewts tonite to make hayseed
cigars. We made 5 kinds, hayseed, sweet firn, cornsilk, mullin
leeves, and grape vine. my mouth taisted aufuly all nite.
Jan. 4. brite and fair. Pewt dident come to school today. i gess he
was sick. my mouth taisted aufuly all day.
Jan. 5. clowdy and aufuly cold. Pewt came to school today and got a
licking for puting gum on Nigger Bells seat. Nig set in it til it
dride and then tride to get up and coodent. then old Francis come
down the ile and snaiked Nigger out and when he see the gum he asked
us who put it there. we all said we dident, but he licked Pewt
becaus he had seen Pewt chooing gum.
Jan. 6. it snowed last nite and today. Speaking in school today.
i spoke the berrial of sir John More. old Francis said he never
heard ennything wirse in his life. i hope he wont tell father.
this afternoon we pluged stewdcats.
Jan. 7. Ed Towle has got a gote. the fellers stumped me to hold him
by the horns and he buted me over in the slosh. mother said i had no
bisiness to be playing on sunday.
Jan. 8. brite and fair. there is going to be a nigger show in the
town hall tonite. father says i cant go becaus i sassed aunt Sarah.
it is uncle Toms cabbin.
Jan. 9. brite and fair. Beany went to the nigger show. he led one of
the bludhouns in the prosession and got a ticket. Beany had on a red
coat jest like the dogs. he said it was buly.
Jan. 10. rany. Nipper Brown is the best scolar in my class. i am the
wirst. i can lick Nipper easy.
Jan. 11. brite and fair. After school me and Beany and Pewt and
Fatty Melcher and Pozzy Chadwick and lots of fellers went skating on
fresh river. i was skating backwerd and i got one leg in a eal hole,
gosh the water was cold and before i got home my britches leg was
all froze.
Jan. 12. nobody got licked in school today, gess why, becaus there
wassent enny school. old Francis was sick, i went skating.
Jan. 13. brite and -- no it was rany. had a speling mach today in
school. Cele and Genny Morrison staid up til the last and then Cele
missed and set down balling, and Genny beat. i cant stop to wright
enny more becaus i am going to the levee with father.
Jan. 14, 186- Went to a big levee last nite at the town hall. Bill
Morrill and Nuel Head and Dave Quimby and Frank Hervey got it up.
they had Hook and Pasons quadril band of Haverhil. father bought a
ticket becaus he was in the custum house and has to be frends with
people. it was splendid. most everybody went all dressed up in
blue silk and red and crokay slippers. Ham Perkins and Charlie Lane
and Charley Piper and Chick Randall and Dan Ranlet and Grace Morril
and the Head girls and Sweat girls and Carrie Towle and Sarah Clark,
J. Albert Clarks sister and the Melcher boys and they all hopped
round pretty lively, i tell you. i staid until 12 o'clock and
listened to the band. i never had so good time in my life.
Jan. 15. i am all spekled over. mother says she is afrade i have
got chicken pocks. i gess i have been in the hen koop to mutch.
Jan. 16. the speckles have all gone of. doctor Perry says i et to
many donuts.
Jan. 18. brite and fair. yesterday to and day before yesterday i
have forgot.
Jan. 19. snowed all day. Me and Beany is mad.
Jan. 20. father is sick becaus he et to mutch salt fish and potato
and pork. he is auful cross and hit me a bat today becaus i left the
door open. i gess he will be sorry when i am ded.
Jan. 21. brite and fair. went to church in the morning and in the
afternoon greeced some paper and trased some pictures.
Jan. 22. i had to stay in the wood-box today for whispering to
Whacker with the cover down. i like it becaus they is a peep hole in
the box and you can see the fellers and they cant see you. by and by
Gimmy Fitsgerald whispered and old Francis put him in to and we
took turns peeping.
Jan. 23. it raned hard all day and we had one sesion. Beany came
over and we made up and plaid in the barn making fly boxes.
Jan. 24. nothing much today, rany in the morning and froze at night.
Jan. 25. brite and fair. everything was covered with ice and when
father started for the depot he tumbled down the front steps from
the top to the botom. mother says he went bumpity bump and his hat
went one way and his dinner box went the other. i herd him swaring
aufuly about that dam boy, and i gess he wood have come up and
licked time out of me, but he had to hurry to get the train.
Jan. 26. jest as soon as the skating comes it has to snow and spoil it.
Jan. 27. i coodent go out of the yard this afternoon becaus i dident
put ashes on the front steps before father fell down and so Pewt and
Beany and Whacker and Nibby Hartwell and Diddly Colket and Nipper
and Prisilla and Gim Wingit and lots of the fellers came over and we
had a snowball fite. mother says she hops father wont keep me at
home anuther afternoon.
Jan. 28. brite and fair. it never ranes Sundays so a feller cant go
to church.
Jan. 29. Nothing puticular today. it always seams harder to go to
school mundays, more fellers gets licked mundays than enny day in
the weak. i got stood on the platform with my head in the corner for
looking of my book today.
Jan. 30. brite and fair. i have got a auful chilblane on my heel.
Jan. 31. brite and fair. i was glad today was wensday in the
afternoon i went skating. the students played baseball on the ice.
Feb. 1. brite and fair. pretty soon it will be Washintons berthday,
and then all the boys can ring the town bell at noon and at nite.
Feb. 2. clowdy but no snow. tomorror will be saterday they is only
2 days in the weak that is wirth ennything and that is wensday and
saterday except in vacation.
Feb. 3. Snowed like time all the forenoon. in the afternoon me and
Pewt and Beany rolled up some big snowballs. then tonite we put all
the balls together and made a big snowman rite in front of
Mrs. Lewises front door. then we put a old hat on it and hung a
peace of paper on it and wrote man wanted on the paper. tomorrow all
the people who go to church will see it and laff becaus Mister Lewis
got a devorse. they will be some fun tomorrow.
Feb. 5. i coodent wright ennything last nite becaus i got sent to
bed and got a licking. i tell you we got in a auful scrape. Sunday
morning me and Pewt and Beany went out erly to see our snowman. he
was there and when people began to go by they began to laff, and
most of the people said it was the funniest thing they ever see and
who ever put it there was a pretty smart feller. so we said we did
it and Pewt said he thought of it ferst and Beany said he did, and i
said i did most of the werk.
Well, pretty soon some people came along and looked at it and said
it was a shame and they went over to pull of the paper and she came
out and see it, and she took a broom and nocked it over and broke it
all up. and then she went rite down to my house to tell father.
then she went over to Beanys house and then up to Pewts. well after
church father took me over to her house. and Beany was there with
his father and Pewt with his father. she said she wood have us
arested for it. but they talked a long time and after a while she
said if our fathers wood lick us and make us saw and split a cord of
wood she woodent say no more about it. when we went out father
said, i never see such dam boys did you Brad, did you Wats, and they
said they never did. so we have got to saw and split that wood and
we got licked two.
Feb. 6. brite and fair. me and Pewt and Beany sawed and split some
wood for Misses Lewis.
Feb. 7. brite and fair. sawed some more wood, me and Pewt and Beany.
Feb. 8. brite and fair. split some more wood, me and Pewt and Beany.
Feb. 9. Fatty Melcher and Caw-caw Harding, Chitter Robinson and Medo
Thurston helped saw some more wood.
Feb. 10. Brite and fair. this afternoon Whack Pozzy and Boog
Chadwick, Dutchy Semans, Nigger Bell Pop Clark, Shinny Thing and
Pile Wood all come down with saws and axes and helped us saw that
wood, we worked all the afternoon and got it done and piled up
before dark. then Misses Lewis asked us in and gave us some buly
donuts and some sweatened water and we sung and told stories and before
we went we told her we was sorry we bilt the snowman and she said
she was sorry two. then when we went away we give 3 cheers for her.
Feb. 11. brite and fair. i shant forget last Sunday very soon.
Feb. 12. rany today. i dont care becaus i havent got to saw enny
more wood.
Feb. 13. still rany. i dont care.
Feb. 14. pretty cold today. going to have a new kind of speling mach
tomorrow.
Feb. 15. Got to the head in spelling today. old Francis makes us all
stand up in the ile and gives us a lot of words to spell and then we
wright them down on our slates and then the head feller or girl
changes slates with the foot feller or girl and so on and then old
Francis wrights the words on the blackboard and then we mark each
others slates. John Flanygin was the foot feller and had my slate.
well most of Johns words was wrong. but John marked mine all write.
i gess John dident know it, but ther was 4 or 5 of my words speled
wrong. i set out to tell old Francis but dident dass to becaus he
licked me for teling that i paisted Cawcaw Harding that time. so i
kept still and kept at the head and John kept at the foot. i hope
John will do it again tomorrow.
Feb. 16. Beat in speling today.
Feb. 17. beat in speling today.
Feb. 19. Beat in speling today. old Francis is a going to give a
prise tomorrow. i told father i was pretty sure to get it and he
said it will be the first one. Aunt Sarah asked him if he took many
prises. and he said he dident get much of a prise when he got me. i
gess he wont say that tomorrow when i bring my prise home.
Feb. 20. i dident get the prise. you see yesterday John Flanygin
spelt more words write than Gimmy Fitsgerald and Gimmy went to the
foot. when we marked slates Gimmy marked 9 of my words wrong out
of 20, and i had to go down most to where John Flannygin was.
old Francis said he dident beleave i had aught to have staid at the
head so long as i did and i was afraid he wood lick me and John but
he dident. he said he was ashamed and disapointed in me but i gess
he was not the only one who was disapointed. i had told Pewt and
Beany i wood treat on what father wood give me for getting the prise.
Pewt and Beany was both mad, and are going to lay for Gimmy.
Feb. 21, i forgot to say what the wether was most every day this weak.
it has been brite and fair most of the time, only it snowed two days
and raned most of one day. brite and fair today and cold as time.
Feb. 23, Clowdy and cold. Pop Clark had to crawl through a chair today.
he went through so fast old Francis only hit him 2 bats. Tady Finton
and Nigger Bell both got licked. Tady dident cry or holler a bit,
but Nigger hollered just like a girl. i supposed Nigger was more of
a man than that.
Feb. 24, Beany and Pewt got punching today in school and old Francis
made them stand on the platform with their arms round each others
neck all the forenoon, i bet they felt pretty cheep. Brite and fair.
Feb. 25, i have got a new pair of britches at erl and Cutts. i gess
Beany aint the only one which has good clothes eather.
Feb. 26. Nothing particular today. Went down to old Heads shop to
see the stewdcats ride velosipedes. There is going to be a race in
the town hall tomorrow night.