G. A. Henty - "Colonel Thorndyke's Secret"

Thornton W. Burgess - "The Adventures of Poor Mrs. Quack"

John Greenleaf Whittier - "Reform and Politics, Part 2, From Vol. VII,"

Anne March - "The Old Stone House"

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The Romany Rye

G >> George Borrow >> The Romany Rye




I took a glass of wine, Francis Ardry followed my example, and then
proceeded to detail to me the treatment which he had experienced
from Annette, and from what he said, it appeared that her conduct
to him had been in the highest degree reprehensible;
notwithstanding he had indulged her in everything, she was never
civil to him, but loaded him continually with taunts and insults,
and had finally, on his being unable to supply her with a sum of
money which she had demanded, decamped from the lodgings which he
had taken for her, carrying with her all the presents which at
various times he had bestowed upon her, and had put herself under
the protection of a gentleman who played the bassoon at the Italian
Opera, at which place it appeared that her sister had lately been
engaged as a danseuse. My friend informed me that at first he had
experienced great agony at the ingratitude of Annette, but at last
had made up his mind to forget her, and, in order more effectually
to do so, had left London with the intention of witnessing a fight,
which was shortly coming off at a town in these parts, between some
dogs and a lion; which combat, he informed me, had for some time
past been looked forward to with intense eagerness by the gentlemen
of the sporting world.

I commended him for his resolution, at the same time advising him
not to give up his mind entirely to dog-fighting, as he had
formerly done, but, when the present combat should be over, to
return to his rhetorical studies, and above all to marry some rich
and handsome lady on the first opportunity, as, with his person and
expectations, he had only to sue for the hand of the daughter of a
marquis to be successful, telling him, with a sigh, that all women
were not Annettes, and that, upon the whole, there was nothing like
them. To which advice he answered, that he intended to return to
rhetoric as soon as the lion fight should be over, but that he
never intended to marry, having had enough of women; adding that he
was glad he had no sister, as, with the feelings which he
entertained with respect to her sex, he should be unable to treat
her with common affection, and concluded by repeating a proverb
which he had learnt from an Arab whom he had met at Venice, to the
effect, that, "one who has been stung by a snake, shivers at the
sight of a sting."

After a little more conversation, we strolled to the stable, where
my horse was standing; my friend, who was a connoisseur in
horseflesh, surveyed the animal with attention, and after inquiring
where and how I had obtained him, asked what I intended to do with
him; on my telling him that I was undetermined, and that I was
afraid the horse was likely to prove a burden to me, he said, "It
is a noble animal, and if you mind what you are about, you may make
a small fortune by him. I do not want such an animal myself, nor
do I know any one who does; but a great horse-fair will be held
shortly at a place where, it is true, I have never been, but of
which I have heard a great deal from my acquaintances, where it is
said a first-rate horse is always sure to fetch its value; that
place is Horncastle, in Lincolnshire, you should take him thither."

Francis Ardry and myself dined together, and after dinner partook
of a bottle of the best port which the inn afforded. After a few
glasses, we had a great deal of conversation; I again brought the
subject of marriage and love, divine love, upon the carpet, but
Francis almost immediately begged me to drop it; and on my having
the delicacy to comply, he reverted to dog-fighting, on which he
talked well and learnedly; amongst other things, he said it was a
princely sport of great antiquity, and quoted from Quintus Curtius
to prove that the princes of India must have been of the fancy,
they having, according to that author, treated Alexander to a fight
between certain dogs and a lion. Becoming, notwithstanding my
friend's eloquence and learning, somewhat tired of the subject, I
began to talk about Alexander. Francis Ardry said he was one of
the two great men whom the world has produced, the other being
Napoleon; I replied that I believed Tamerlane was a greater man
than either; but Francis Ardry knew nothing of Tamerlane, save what
he had gathered from the play of Timour the Tartar. "No," said he,
"Alexander and Napoleon are the great men of the world, their names
are known everywhere. Alexander has been dead upwards of two
thousand years, but the very English bumpkins sometimes christen
their boys by the name of Alexander--can there be a greater
evidence of his greatness? As for Napoleon, there are some parts
of India in which his bust is worshipped." Wishing to make up a
triumvirate, I mentioned the name of Wellington, to which Francis
Ardry merely said, "bah!" and resumed the subject of dog-fighting.

Francis Ardry remained at the inn during that day and the next, and
then departed to the dog and lion fight; I never saw him
afterwards, and merely heard of him once after a lapse of some
years, and what I then heard was not exactly what I could have
wished to hear. He did not make much of the advantages which he
possessed, a pity, for how great were those advantages--person,
intellect, eloquence, connection, riches! yet, with all these
advantages, one thing highly needful seems to have been wanting in
Francis. A desire, a craving, to perform something great and good.
Oh! what a vast deal may be done with intellect, courage, riches,
accompanied by the desire of ,doing something great and good! Why,
a person may carry the blessings of civilization and religion to
barbarous, yet at the same time beautiful and romantic lands; and
what a triumph there is for him who does so! what a crown of glory!
of far greater value than those surrounding the brows of your mere
conquerors. Yet who has done so in these times? Not many; not
three, not two, something seems to have been always wanting; there
is, however, one instance, in which the various requisites have
been united, and the crown, the most desirable in the world--at
least which I consider to be the most desirable--achieved, and only
one, that of Brooke of Borneo.



CHAPTER XXVIII



Mr. Platitude and the Man in Black--The Postillion's Adventures--
The Lone House--A Goodly Assemblage.


It never rains, but it pours. I was destined to see at this inn
more acquaintances than one. On the day of Francis Ardry's
departure, shortly after he had taken leave of me, as I was
standing in the corn-chamber, at a kind of writing-table or desk,
fastened to the wall, with a book before me, in which I was making
out an account of the corn and hay lately received and distributed,
my friend the postillion came running in out of breath. "Here they
both are," he gasped out; "pray do come and look at them."

"Whom do you mean?" said I.

"Why, that red-haired Jack Priest, and that idiotic parson,
Platitude; they have just been set down by one of the coaches, and
want a postchaise to go across the country in; and what do you
think? I am to have the driving of them. I have no time to lose,
for I must get myself ready; so do come and look at them."

I hastened into the yard of the inn; two or three of the helpers of
our establishment were employed in drawing forward a postchaise out
of the chaise-house, which occupied one side of the yard, and which
was spacious enough to contain nearly twenty of these vehicles,
though it was never full, several of them being always out upon the
roads, as the demand upon us for postchaises across the country was
very great. "There they are," said the postillion, softly, nodding
towards two individuals, in one of whom I recognized the man in
black, and in the other Mr. Platitude; "there they are; have a good
look at them, while I go and get ready." The man in black and Mr.
Platitude were walking up and down the yard, Mr. Platitude was
doing his best to make himself appear ridiculous, talking very
loudly in exceedingly bad Italian, evidently for the purpose of
attracting the notice of the bystanders, in which he succeeded, all
the stable-boys and hangers-on about the yard, attracted by his
vociferation, grinning at his ridiculous figure as he limped up and
down. The man in black said little or nothing, but from the
glances which he cast sideways appeared to be thoroughly ashamed of
his companion; the worthy couple presently arrived close to where I
was standing, and the man in black, who was nearest to me,
perceiving me, stood still as if hesitating, but recovering himself
in a moment, he moved on without taking any farther notice; Mr.
Platitude exclaimed as they passed in broken lingo, "I hope we
shall find the holy doctors all assembled," and as they returned,
"I make no doubt that they will all be rejoiced to see me." Not
wishing to be standing an idle gazer, I went to the chaise and
assisted in attaching the horses, which had now been brought out,
to the pole. The postillion presently arrived, and finding all
ready took the reins and mounted the box, whilst I very politely
opened the door for the two travellers; Mr. Platitude got in first,
and, without taking any notice of me, seated himself on the farther
side. In got the man in black, and seated himself nearest to me.
"All is right," said I, as I shut the door, whereupon the
postillion cracked his whip, and the chaise drove out of the yard.
Just as I shut the door, however, and just as Mr. Platitude had
recommenced talking in jergo, at the top of his voice, the man in
black turned his face partly towards me, and gave me a wink with
his left eye.

I did not see my friend the postillion till the next morning, when
he gave me an account of the adventures he had met with on his
expedition. It appeared that he had driven the man in black and
the Reverend Platitude across the country by roads and lanes which
he had some difficulty in threading. At length, when he had
reached a part of the country where he had never been before, the
man in black pointed out to him a house near the corner of a wood,
to which he informed him they were bound. The postillion said it
was a strange-looking house, with a wall round it; and, upon the
whole, bore something of the look of a madhouse. There was already
a postchaise at the gate, from which three individuals had
alighted--one of them the postillion said was a mean-looking
scoundrel, with a regular petty-larceny expression in his
countenance. He was dressed very much like the man in black, and
the postillion said that he could almost have taken his Bible oath
that they were both of the same profession. The other two he said
were parsons, he could swear that, though he had never seen them
before; there could be no mistake about them. Church of England
parsons the postillion swore they were, with their black coats,
white cravats, and airs, in which clumsiness and conceit were most
funnily blended--Church of England parsons of the Platitude
description, who had been in Italy, and seen the Pope, and kissed
his toe, and picked up a little broken Italian, and come home
greater fools than they went forth. It appeared that they were all
acquaintances of Mr. Platitude, for when the postillion had
alighted and let Mr. Platitude and his companion out of the chaise,
Mr. Platitude shook the whole three by the hand, conversed with his
two brothers in a little broken jergo, and addressed the petty-
larceny looking individual by the title of Reverend Doctor. In the
midst of these greetings, however, the postillion said the man in
black came up to him, and proceeded to settle with him for the
chaise; he had shaken hands with nobody, and had merely nodded to
the others; "and now," said the postillion, "he evidently wished to
get rid of me, fearing, probably, that I should see too much of the
nonsense that was going on. It was whilst settling with me that he
seemed to recognize me for the first time, for he stared hard at
me, and at last asked whether I had not been in Italy; to which
question, with a nod and a laugh, I replied that I had. I was then
going to ask him about the health of the image of Holy Mary, and to
say that I hoped it had recovered from its horsewhipping; but he
interrupted me, paid me the money for the fare, and gave me a crown
for myself, saying he would not detain me any longer. I say,
partner, I am a poor postillion, but when he gave me the crown I
had a good mind to fling it in his face. I reflected, however,
that it was not mere gift-money, but coin which I had earned, and
hardly too, so I put it in my pocket, and I bethought me, moreover,
that, knave as I knew him to be, he had always treated me with
civility; so I nodded to him, and he said something which, perhaps,
he meant for Latin, but which sounded very much like 'vails,' and
by which he doubtless alluded to the money which he had given me.
He then went into the house with the rest, the coach drove away
which had brought the others, and I was about to get on the box and
follow; observing, however, two more chaises driving up, I thought
I would be in no hurry, so I just led my horses and chaise a little
out of the way, and pretending to be occupied about the harness, I
kept a tolerably sharp look-out at the new arrivals. Well,
partner, the next vehicle that drove up was a gentleman's carriage
which I knew very well, as well as those within it, who were a
father and son, the father a good kind old gentleman, and a justice
of the peace, therefore not very wise, as you may suppose; the son
a puppy who has been abroad, where he contrived to forget his own
language, though only nine months absent, and now rules the roast
over his father and mother, whose only child he is, and by whom he
is thought wondrous clever. So this foreigneering chap brings his
poor old father to this out-of-the-way house to meet these
Platitudes and petty-larceny villains, and perhaps would have
brought his mother too, only, simple thing, by good fortune she
happens to be laid up with the rheumatic. Well, the father and
son, I beg pardon, I mean the son and father, got down and went in,
and then after their carriage was gone, the chaise behind drove up,
in which was a huge fat fellow, weighing twenty stone at least, but
with something of a foreign look, and with him--who do you think?
Why, a rascally Unitarian minister, that is, a fellow who had been
such a minister, but who, some years ago leaving his own people,
who had bred him up and sent him to their college at York, went
over to the High Church, and is now, I suppose, going over to some
other church, for he was talking, as he got down, wondrous fast in
Latin, or what sounded something like Latin, to the fat fellow, who
appeared to take things wonderfully easy, and merely grunted to the
dog Latin which the scoundrel had learnt at the expense of the poor
Unitarians at York. So they went into the house, and presently
arrived another chaise, but ere I could make any further
observations, the porter of the out-of-the-way house came up to me,
asking what I was stopping there for? bidding me go away, and not
pry into other people's business. 'Pretty business,' said I to
him, 'that is being transacted in a place like this,' and then I
was going to say something uncivil, but he went to attend to the
new corners, and I took myself away on my own business as he bade
me, not, however, before observing that these two last were a
couple of blackcoats."

The postillion then proceeded to relate how he made the best of his
way to a small public-house, about a mile off, where he had
intended to bait, and how he met on the way a landau and pair,
belonging to a Scotch coxcomb whom he had known in London, about
whom he related some curious particulars, and then continued:
"Well, after I had passed him and his turn-out, I drove straight to
the public-house, where I baited my horses, and where I found some
of the chaises and drivers who had driven the folks to the lunatic-
looking mansion, and were now waiting to take them up again.
Whilst my horses were eating their bait, I sat me down, as the
weather was warm, at a table outside, and smoked a pipe, and drank
some ale, in company with the coachman of the old gentleman who had
gone to the house with his son, and the coachman then told me that
the house was a Papist house, and that the present was a grand
meeting of all the fools and rascals in the country, who came to
bow down to images, and to concert schemes--pretty schemes no
doubt--for overturning the religion of the country, and that for
his part he did not approve of being concerned with such doings,
and that he was going to give his master warning next day. So, as
we were drinking and discoursing, up drove the chariot of the
Scotchman, and down got his valet and the driver, and whilst the
driver was seeing after the horses, the valet came and sat down at
the table where the gentleman's coachman and I were drinking. I
knew the fellow well, a Scotchman like his master, and just of the
same kidney, with white kid gloves, red hair frizzled, a patch of
paint on his face, and his hands covered with rings. This very
fellow, I must tell you, was one of those most busy in endeavouring
to get me turned out of the servants' club in Park Lane, because I
happened to serve a literary man; so he sat down, and in a kind of
affected tone cried out, 'Landlord, bring me a glass of cold
negus.' The landlord, however, told him that there was no negus,
but that if he pleased, he could have a jug of as good beer as any
in the country. 'Confound the beer,' said the valet, 'do you think
that I am accustomed to such vulgar beverage?' However, as he
found there was nothing better to be had, he let the man bring him
some beer, and when he had got it, soon showed that he could drink
it easily enough; so, when he had drunk two or three draughts, he
turned his eyes in a contemptuous manner, first, on the coachman,
and then on me: I saw the scamp recollected me, for after staring
at me and my dress for about half a minute, he put on a broad grin,
and flinging his head back, he uttered a loud laugh. Well, I did
not like this, as you may well believe, and taking the pipe out of
my mouth, I asked him if he meant anything personal, to which he
answered, that he had said nothing to me, and that he had a right
to look where he pleased, and laugh when he pleased. Well, as to a
certain extent he was right, as to looking and laughing; and as I
have occasionally looked at a fool and laughed, though I was not
the fool in this instance, I put my pipe into my mouth and said no
more. This quiet and well-regulated behaviour of mine, however,
the fellow interpreted into fear; so, after drinking a little more,
he suddenly started up, and striding once or twice before the
table, he asked me what I meant by that impertinent question of
mine, saying that he had a good mind to wring my nose for my
presumption. 'You have?' said I, getting up, and laying down my
pipe. 'Well, I'll now give you an opportunity.' So I put myself
in an attitude, and went up to him, saying 'I have an old score to
settle with you, you scamp; you wanted to get me turned out of the
club, didn't you?' And thereupon, remembering that he had
threatened to wring my nose, I gave him a snorter upon his own. I
wish you could have seen the fellow when he felt the smart; so far
from trying to defend himself, he turned round, and with his hand
to his face, attempted to run away; but I was now in a regular
passion, and following him up, got before him, and was going to
pummel away at him, when he burst into tears, and begged me not to
hurt him, saying that he was sorry if he had offended me, and that,
if I pleased, he would go down on his knees, or do anything else I
wanted. Well, when I heard him talk in this manner, I, of course,
let him be; I could hardly help laughing at the figure he cut; his
face all blubbered with tears, and blood and paint; but I did not
laugh at the poor creature either, but went to the table and took
up my pipe, and smoked and drank as if nothing had happened; and
the fellow, after having been to the pump, came and sat down,
crying, and trying to curry favour with me and the coachman;
presently, however, putting on a confidential look, he began to
talk of the Popish house, and of the doings there, and said he
supposed as how we were of the party, and that it was all right;
and then he began to talk of the Pope of Rome, and what a nice man
he was, and what a fine thing it was to be of his religion,
especially if folks went over to him; and how it advanced them in
the world, and gave them consideration; and how his master, who had
been abroad and seen the Pope, and kissed his toe, was going over
to the Popish religion, and had persuaded him to consent to do so,
and to forsake his own, which I think the scoundrel called the
'Piscopal Church of Scotland, and how many others of that church
were going over, thinking to better their condition in life by so
doing, and to be more thought on; and how many of the English
Church were thinking of going over too--and that he had no doubt
that it would all end right and comfortably. Well, as he was going
on in this way, the old coachman began to spit, and getting up,
flung all the beer that was in his jug upon the ground, and going
away, ordered another jug of beer, and sat down at another table,
saying that he would not drink in such company; and I too got up,
and flung what beer remained in my jug, there wasn't more than a
drop, in the fellow's face, saying, I would scorn to drink any more
in such company; and then I went to my horses, put them to, paid my
reckoning, and drove home."

The postillion having related his story, to which I listened with
all due attention, mused for a moment, and then said, "I dare say
you remember how, some time since, when old Bill had been telling
us how the Government a long time ago, had done away with robbing
on the highway, by putting down the public-houses and places which
the highwaymen frequented, and by sending a good mounted police to
hunt them down, I said that it was a shame that the present
Government did not employ somewhat the same means in order to stop
the proceedings of Mumbo Jumbo and his gang now-a-days in England.
Howsomever, since I have driven a fare to a Popish rendezvous, and
seen something of what is going on there, I should conceive that
the Government are justified in allowing the gang the free exercise
of their calling. Anybody is welcome to stoop and pick up nothing,
or worse than nothing, and if Mumbo Jumbo's people, after their
expeditions, return to their haunts with no better plunder in the
shape of converts than what I saw going into yonder place of call,
I should say they are welcome to what they get; for if that's the
kind of rubbish they steal out of the Church of England, or any
other church, who in his senses but would say a good riddance, and
many thanks for your trouble: at any rate, that is my opinion of
the matter."



CHAPTER XXIX



Deliberations with Self-Resolution--Invitation to Dinner--The
Commercial Traveller--The Landlord's Offer--The Comet Wine.


It was now that I had frequent deliberations with myself. Should I
continue at the inn in my present position? I was not very much
captivated with it; there was little poetry in keeping an account
of the corn, hay, and straw which came in, and was given out, and I
was fond of poetry; moreover, there was no glory at all to be
expected in doing so, and I was fond of glory. Should I give up
that situation, and remaining at the inn, become ostler under old
Bill? There was more poetry in rubbing down horses than in keeping
an account of straw, hay, and corn; there was also some prospect of
glory attached to the situation of ostler, for the grooms and
stable-boys occasionally talked of an ostler, a great way down the
road, who had been presented by some sporting people, not with a
silver vase, as our governor had been, but with a silver currycomb,
in testimony of their admiration for his skill; but I confess that
the poetry of rubbing down had become, as all other poetry becomes,
rather prosy by frequent repetition, and with respect to the chance
of deriving glory from the employment, I entertained, in the event
of my determining to stay, very slight hope of ever attaining skill
in the ostler art sufficient to induce sporting people to bestow
upon me a silver currycomb. I was not half so good an ostler as
old Bill, who had never been presented with a silver currycomb, and
I never expected to become so, therefore what chance had I? It was
true, there was a prospect of some pecuniary emolument to be
derived by remaining in either situation. It was very probable
that, provided I continued to keep an account of the hay and corn
coming in and expended, the landlord would consent to allow me a
pound a week, which at the end of a dozen years, provided I kept
myself sober, would amount to a considerable sum. I might, on the
retirement of old Bill, by taking his place, save up a decent sum
of money, provided, unlike him, I kept myself sober, and laid by
all the shillings and sixpences I got; but the prospect of laying
up a decent sum of money was not of sufficient importance to induce
me to continue either at my wooden desk, or in the inn-yard. The
reader will remember what difficulty I had to make up my mind to
become a merchant under the Armenian's auspices, even with the
prospect of making two or three hundred thousand pounds by
following the Armenian way of doing business, so it was not
probable that I should feel disposed to be a book-keeper or ostler
all my life with no other prospect than being able to make a tidy
sum of money. If indeed, besides the prospect of making a tidy sum
at the end of perhaps forty years' ostlering, I had been certain of
being presented with a silver currycomb with my name engraved upon
it, which I might have left to my descendants, or, in default
thereof, to the parish church destined to contain my bones, with
directions that it might be soldered into the wall above the arch
leading from the body of the church into the chancel--I will not
say with such a certainty of immortality, combined with such a
prospect of moderate pecuniary advantage,--I might not have thought
it worth my while to stay, but I entertained no such certainty,
and, taking everything into consideration, I determined to mount my
horse and leave the inn.

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