The Romany Rye

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CHAPTER XVII

The Public-house--Landlord on His Legs Again--A Blow in Season--The
Way of the World--The Grateful Mind--The Horse's Neigh.

It was rather late on the following morning when I awoke. At first
I was almost unconscious of what had occurred on the preceding day;
recollection, however, by degrees returned, and I felt a deep
melancholy coming over me, but perfectly aware that no advantage
could be derived from the indulgence of such a feeling, I sprang
up, prepared my breakfast, which I ate with a tolerable appetite,
and then left the dingle, and betook myself to the gypsy
encampment, where I entered into discourse with various Romanies,
both male and female. After some time, feeling myself in better
spirits, I determined to pay another visit to the landlord of the
public-house. From the position of his affairs when I had last
visited him I entertained rather gloomy ideas with respect to his
present circumstances. I imagined that I should either find him
alone in his kitchen smoking a wretched pipe, or in company with
some surly bailiff or his follower, whom his friend the brewer had
sent into the house in order to take possession of his effects.

Nothing more entirely differing from either of these anticipations
could have presented itself to my view than what I saw about one
o'clock in the afternoon, when I entered the house. I had come,
though somewhat in want of consolation myself, to offer any
consolation which was at my command to my acquaintance Catchpole,
and perhaps like many other people who go to a house with "drops of
compassion trembling on their eyelids," I felt rather disappointed
at finding that no compassion was necessary. The house was
thronged with company, and cries for ale and porter, hot brandy and
water, cold gin and water, were numerous; moreover, no desire to
receive and not to pay for the landlord's liquids was manifested--
on the contrary, everybody seemed disposed to play the most
honourable part: "Landlord, here's the money for this glass of
brandy and water--do me the favour to take it; all right, remember
I have paid you." "Landlord, here's the money for the pint of
half-and-half-fourpence halfpenny, ain't it?--here's sixpence; keep
the change--confound the change!" The landlord, assisted by his
niece, bustled about; his brow erect, his cheeks plumped out, and
all his features exhibiting a kind of surly satisfaction. Wherever
he moved, marks of the most cordial amity were shown him, hands
were thrust out to grasp his, nor were looks of respect,
admiration, nay, almost of adoration, wanting. I observed one
fellow, as the landlord advanced, take the pipe out of his mouth,
and gaze upon him with a kind of grin of wonder, probably much the
same as his ancestor, the Saxon lout of old, put on when he saw his
idol Thur, dressed in a new kirtle. To avoid the press, I got into
a corner, where on a couple of chairs sat two respectable-looking
individuals, whether farmers or sow-gelders, I know not, but highly
respectable-looking, who were discoursing about the landlord.
"Such another," said one, "you will not find in a summer's day."
"No, nor in the whole of England," said the other. "Tom of
Hopton," said the first: "ah! Tom of Hopton," echoed the other;
"the man who could beat Tom of Hopton could beat the world." "I
glory in him," said the first. "So do I," said the second, "I'll
back him against the world. Let me hear any one say anything
against him, and if I don't--" then, looking at me, he added, "have
you anything to say against him, young man?" "Not a word," said I,
"save that he regularly puts me out." "He'll put any one out,"
said the man, "any one out of conceit with himself;" then, lifting
a mug to his mouth, he added, with a hiccough, "I drink his
health." Presently the landlord, as he moved about, observing me,
stopped short: "Ah!" said he, "are you here? I am glad to see
you, come this way. Stand back," said he to his company, as I
followed him to the bar, "stand back for me and this gentleman."
Two or three young fellows were in the bar, seemingly sporting
yokels, drinking sherry and smoking. "Come, gentlemen," said the
landlord, "clear the bar, I must have a clear bar for me and my
friend here." "Landlord, what will you take," said one, "a glass
of sherry? I know you like it." "- sherry and you too," said the
landlord, "I want neither sherry nor yourself; didn't you hear what
I told you?" "All right, old fellow," said the other, shaking the
landlord by the hand, "all right, don't wish to intrude--but I
suppose when you and your friend have done, I may come in again;"
then, with a "sarvant, sir," to me, he took himself into the
kitchen, followed by the rest of the sporting yokels.

Thereupon the landlord, taking a bottle of ale from a basket,
uncorked it, and pouring the contents into two large glasses,
handed me one, and motioning me to sit down, placed himself by me;
then, emptying his own glass at a draught, he gave a kind of grunt
of satisfaction, and fixing his eyes upon the opposite side of the
bar, remained motionless, without saying a word, buried apparently
in important cogitations. With respect to myself, I swallowed my
ale more leisurely, and was about to address my friend, when his
niece, coming into the bar, said that more and more customers were
arriving, and how she should supply their wants she did not know,
unless her uncle would get and help her.

"The customers!" said the landlord, "let the scoundrels wait till
you have time to serve them, or till I have leisure to see after
them." "The kitchen won't contain half of them," said his niece.
"Then let them sit out abroad," said the landlord. "But there are
not benches enough, uncle," said the niece. "Then let them stand
or sit on the ground," said the uncle, "what care I; I'll let them
know that the man who beat Tom of Hopton stands as well again on
his legs as ever." Then opening a side door which led from the bar
into the back yard, he beckoned me to follow him. "You treat your
customers in rather a cavalier manner," said I, when we were alone
together in the yard.

"Don't I?" said the landlord; "and I'll treat them more so yet; now
I have got the whiphand of the rascals I intend to keep it. I dare
say you are a bit surprised with regard to the change which has
come over things since you were last here. I'll tell you how it
happened. You remember in what a desperate condition you found me,
thinking of changing my religion, selling my soul to the man in
black, and then going and hanging myself like Pontius Pilate; and I
dare say you can't have forgotten how you gave me good advice, made
me drink ale, and give up sherry. Well, after you were gone, I
felt all the better for your talk, and what you had made me drink,
and it was a mercy that I did feel better; for my niece was gone
out, poor thing, and I was left alone in the house, without a soul
to look at, or to keep me from doing myself a mischief in case I
was so inclined. Well, things wore on in this way till it grew
dusk, when in came that blackguard Hunter with his train to drink
at my expense, and to insult me as usual; there were more than a
dozen of them, and a pretty set they looked. Well, they ordered
about in a very free and easy manner for upwards of an hour and a
half, occasionally sneering and jeering at me, as they had been in
the habit of doing for some time past; so, as I said before, things
wore on, and other customers came in, who, though they did not
belong to Hunter's gang, also passed off their jokes upon me; for,
as you perhaps know, we English are a set of low hounds, who will
always take part with the many by way of making ourselves safe, and
currying favour with the stronger side. I said little or nothing,
for my spirits had again become very low, and I was verily scared
and afraid. All of a sudden I thought of the ale which I had drank
in the morning, and of the good it did me then, so I went into the
bar, opened another bottle, took a glass, and felt better; so I
took another, and feeling better still, I went back into the
kitchen, just as Hunter and his crew were about leaving. 'Mr.
Hunter,' said I, 'you and your people will please to pay me for
what you have had?' 'What do you mean by my people?' said he, with
an oath. 'Ah, what do you mean by calling us his people?' said the
clan. 'We are nobody's people;' and then there was a pretty load
of abuse, and threatening to serve me out. 'Well,' said I, 'I was
perhaps wrong to call them your people, and beg your pardon and
theirs. And now you will please to pay me for what you have had
yourself, and afterwards I can settle with them.' 'I shall pay you
when I think fit,' said Hunter. 'Yes,' said the rest, 'and so
shall we. We shall pay you when we think fit.' 'I tell you what,'
said Hunter, 'I conceives I do such an old fool as you an honour
when I comes into his house and drinks his beer, and goes away
without paying for it;' and then there was a roar of laughter from
everybody, and almost all said the same thing. 'Now do you please
to pay me, Mr. Hunter?' said I. 'Pay you!' said Hunter; 'pay you!
Yes, here's the pay;' and thereupon he held out his thumb, twirling
it round till it just touched my nose. I can't tell you what I
felt that moment; a kind of madhouse thrill came upon me, and all I
know is, that I bent back as far as I could, then lunging out,
struck him under the ear, sending him reeling two or three yards,
when he fell on the floor. I wish you had but seen how my company
looked at me and at each other. One or two of the clan went to
raise Hunter, and get him to fight, but it was no go; though he was
not killed, he had had enough for that evening. Oh, I wish you had
seen my customers; those who did not belong to the clan, but who
had taken part with them, and helped to jeer and flout me, now came
and shook me by the hand, wishing me joy, and saying as, how 'I was
a brave fellow, and had served the bully right!' As for the clan,
they all said Hunter was bound to do me justice; so they made him
pay me what he owed for himself, and the reckoning of those among
them who said they had no money. Two or three of them then led him
away, while the rest stayed behind, and flattered me, and
worshipped me, and called Hunter all kinds of dogs' names. What do
you think of that?"

"Why," said I, "it makes good what I read in a letter which I
received yesterday. It is just the way of the world."

"A'n't it," said the landlord. "Well, that a'n't all; let me go
on. Good fortune never yet came alone. In about an hour comes
home my poor niece, almost in high sterricks with joy, smiling and
sobbing. She had been to the clergyman of M---, the great
preacher, to whose church she was in the habit of going, and to
whose daughters she was well known; and to him she told a
lamentable tale about my distresses, and about the snares which had
been laid for my soul; and so well did she plead my cause, and so
strong did the young ladies back all she said, that the good
clergyman promised to stand my friend, and to lend me sufficient
money to satisfy the brewer, and to get my soul out of the snares
of the man in black; and sure enough the next morning the two young
ladies brought me the fifty pounds, which I forthwith carried to
the brewer, who was monstrously civil, saying that he hoped any
little misunderstanding we had had would not prevent our being good
friends in future. That a'n't all; the people of the neighbouring
county hearing as if by art witchcraft that I had licked Hunter,
and was on good terms with the brewer, forthwith began to come in
crowds to look at me, pay me homage, and be my customers.
Moreover, fifty scoundrels who owed me money, and would have seen
me starve rather than help me as long as they considered me a down
pin, remembered their debts, and came and paid me more than they
owed. That a'n't all; the brewer being about to establish a stage-
coach and three, to run across the country, says it shall stop and
change horses at my house, and the passengers breakfast and sup as
it goes and returns. He wishes me--whom he calls the best man in
England--to give his son lessons in boxing, which he says he
considers a fine manly English art, and a great defence against
Popery--notwithstanding that only a month ago, when he considered
me a down pin, he was in the habit of railing against it as a
blackguard practice, and against me as a blackguard for following
it; so I am going to commence with young hopeful to-morrow."

"I really cannot help congratulating you on your good fortune,"
said I.

"That a'n't all," said the landlord. "This very morning the folks
of our parish made me churchwarden, which they would no more have
done a month ago, when they considered me a down pin, than they--"

"Mercy upon us!" said I, "if fortune pours in upon you in this
manner, who knows but that within a year they may make you a
justice of the peace?"

"Who knows, indeed!" said the landlord. "Well, I will prove myself
worthy of my good luck by showing the grateful mind--not to those
who would be kind to me now, but to those who were, when the days
were rather gloomy. My customers shall have abundance of rough
language, but I'll knock any one down who says anything against the
clergyman who lent me the fifty pounds, or against the Church of
England, of which he is parson and I am churchwarden. I am also
ready to do anything in reason for him who paid me for the ale he
drank, when I shouldn't have had the heart to collar him for the
money had he refused to pay; who never jeered or flouted me like
the rest of my customers when I was a down pin--and though he
refused to fight cross FOR me was never cross WITH me, but listened
to all I had to say, and gave me all kinds of good advice. Now who
do you think I mean by this last? why, who but yourself--who on
earth but yourself? The parson is a good man and a great preacher,
and I'll knock anybody down who says to the contrary; and I mention
him first, because why; he's a gentleman, and you a tinker. But I
am by no means sure you are not the best friend of the two; for I
doubt, do you see, whether I should have had the fifty pounds but
for you. You persuaded me to give up that silly drink they call
sherry, and drink ale; and what was it but drinking ale which gave
me courage to knock down that fellow Hunter--and knocking him down
was, I verily believe, the turning point of my disorder. God don't
love them who won't strike out for themselves; and as far as I can
calculate with respect to time, it was just the moment after I had
knocked down Hunter, that the parson consented to lend me the
money, and everything began to grow civil to me. So, dash my
buttons if I show the ungrateful mind to you! I don't offer to
knock anybody down for you, because why--I dare say you can knock a
body down yourself; but I'll offer something more to the purpose;
as my business is wonderfully on the increase, I shall want
somebody to help me in serving my customers, and keeping them in
order. If you choose to come and serve for your board, and what
they'll give you, give me your fist; or if you like ten shillings a
week better than their sixpences and ha'pence, only say so--though,
to be open with you, I believe you would make twice ten shillings
out of them--the sneaking, fawning, curry-favouring humbugs!"

"I am much obliged to you," said I, "for your handsome offer,
which, however, I am obliged to decline."

"Why so?" said the landlord.

"I am not fit for service," said I; "moreover, I am about to leave
this part of the country." As I spoke a horse neighed in the
stable. "What horse is that?" said I.

"It belongs to a cousin of mine, who put it into my hands yesterday
in the hopes that I might get rid of it for him, though he would no
more have done so a week ago, when he considered me a down pin,
than he would have given the horse away. Are you fond of horses?"

"Very much," said I.

"Then come and look at it." He led me into the stable, where, in a
stall, stood a noble-looking animal.

"Dear me," said I, "I saw this horse at--fair."

"Like enough," said the landlord; "he was there and was offered for
seventy pounds, but didn't find a bidder at any price. What do you
think of him?"

"He's a splendid creature."

"I am no judge of horses," said the landlord; "but I am told he's a
first-rate trotter, good leaper, and has some of the blood of
Syntax. What does all that signify?--the game is against his
master, who is a down pin, is thinking of emigrating, and wants
money confoundedly. He asked seventy pounds at the fair; but,
between ourselves, he would be glad to take fifty here."

"I almost wish," said I, "that I were a rich squire."

"You would buy him then," said the landlord. Here he mused for
some time, with a very profound look. "It would be a rum thing,"
said he, "if, some time or other, that horse should come into your
hands. Didn't you hear how he neighed when you talked about
leaving the country? My granny was a wise woman, and was up to all
kinds of signs and wonders, sounds and noises, the interpretation
of the language of birds and animals, crowing and lowing, neighing
and braying. If she had been here, she would have said at once
that that horse was fated to carry you away. On that point,
however, I can say nothing, for under fifty pounds no one can have
him. Are you taking that money out of your pocket to pay me for
the ale? That won't do; nothing to pay; I invited you this time.
Now if you are going, you had best get into the road through the
yard-gate. I won't trouble you to make your way through the
kitchen and my fine-weather company--confound them!"

CHAPTER XVIII

Mr. Petulengro's Device--The Leathern Purse--Consent to Purchase a
Horse.

As I returned along the road I met Mr. Petulengro and one of his
companions, who told me that they were bound for the public-house;
whereupon I informed Jasper how I had seen in the stable the horse
which we had admired at the fair. "I shouldn't wonder if you buy
that horse after all, brother," said Mr. Petulengro. With a smile
at the absurdity of such a supposition, I left him and his
companion, and betook myself to the dingle. In the evening I
received a visit from Mr. Petulengro, who forthwith commenced
talking about the horse, which he had again seen, the landlord
having shown it to him on learning that he was a friend of mine.
He told me that the horse pleased him more than ever, he having
examined his points with more accuracy than he had an opportunity
of doing on the first occasion, concluding by pressing me to buy
him. I begged him to desist from such foolish importunity,
assuring him that I had never so much money in all my life as would
enable me to purchase the horse. Whilst this discourse was going
on, Mr. Petulengro and myself were standing together in the midst
of the dingle. Suddenly he began to move round me--in a very
singular manner, making strange motions with his hands, and
frightful contortions with his features, till I became alarmed, and
asked him whether he had not lost his senses? Whereupon, ceasing
his movements and contortions, he assured me that he had not, but
had merely been seized with a slight dizziness, and then once more
returned to the subject of the horse. Feeling myself very angry, I
told him that if he continued persecuting me in that manner, I
should be obliged to quarrel with him; adding, that I believed his
only motive for asking me to buy the animal was to insult my
poverty. "Pretty poverty," said he, "with fifty pounds in your
pocket; however, I have heard say that it is always the custom of
your rich people to talk of their poverty, more especially when
they wish to avoid laying out money." Surprised at his saying that
I had fifty pounds in my pocket, I asked him what he meant;
whereupon he told me that he was very sure that I had fifty pounds
in my pocket, offering to lay me five shillings to that effect.
"Done!" said I; "I have scarcely more than the fifth part of what
you say." "I know better, brother," said Mr. Petulengro; "if you
only pull out what you have in the pocket of your slop, I am sure
you will have lost your wager." Putting my hand into the pocket, I
felt something which I had never felt there before, and pulling it
out, perceived that it was a clumsy leathern purse, which I found
on opening contained four ten-pound-notes, and several pieces of
gold. "Didn't I tell you so, brother?" said Mr. Petulengro. "Now,
in the first place, please to pay me the five shillings you have
lost." "This is only a foolish piece of pleasantry," said I; "you
put it into my pocket whilst you were moving about me, making faces
like a distracted person. Here, take your purse back." "I?" said
Mr. Petulengro, "not I, indeed I don't think I am such a fool. I
have won my wager, so pay me the five shillings, brother." "Do
drop this folly," said I, "and take your purse;" and I flung it on
the ground. "Brother," said Mr. Petulengro, "you were talking of
quarrelling with me just now. I tell you now one thing, which is,
that if you do not take back the purse I will quarrel with you; and
it shall be for good and all. I'll drop your acquaintance, no
longer call you my pal, and not even say sarshan to you when I meet
you by the roadside. Hir mi diblis I never will." I saw by
Jasper's look and tone that he was in earnest, and, as I had really
a regard for the strange being, I scarcely knew what to do. "Now,
be persuaded, brother," said Mr. Petulengro, taking up the purse,
and handing it to me; "be persuaded; put the purse into your
pocket, and buy the horse." "Well," said I, "if I did so, would
you acknowledge the horse to be yours, and receive the money again
as soon as I should be able to repay you?"

"I would, brother, I would," said he; "return me the money as soon
as you please, provided you buy the horse." "What motive have you
for wishing me to buy that horse?" said I. "He's to be sold for
fifty pounds," said Jasper, "and is worth four times that sum;
though, like many a splendid bargain, he is now going a begging;
buy him, and I'm confident that, in a little time, a grand
gentleman of your appearance may have anything he asks for him, and
found a fortune by his means. Moreover, brother, I want to dispose
of this fifty pounds in a safe manner. If you don't take it, I
shall fool it away in no time, perhaps at card-playing, for you saw
how I was cheated by those blackguard jockeys the other day--we
gyptians don't know how to take care of money: our best plan when
we have got a handful of guineas is to make buttons with them; but
I have plenty of golden buttons, and don't wish to be troubled with
more, so you can do me no greater favour than vesting the money in
this speculation, by which my mind will be relieved of considerable
care and trouble for some time at least."

Perceiving that I still hesitated, he said, "Perhaps, brother, you
think I did not come honestly by the money: by the honestest
manner in the world, for it is the money I earnt by fighting in the
ring: I did not steal it, brother, nor did I get it by disposing
of spavined donkeys, or glandered ponies--nor is it, brother, the
profits of my wife's witchcraft and dukkerin."

"But," said I, "you had better employ it in your traffic." "I have
plenty of money for my traffic, independent of this capital," said
Mr. Petulengro; "ay, brother, and enough besides to back the
husband of my wife's sister, Sylvester, against Slammocks of the
Chong gav for twenty pounds, which I am thinking of doing."

"But," said I, "after all, the horse may have found another
purchaser by this time." "Not he," said Mr. Petulengro, "there is
nobody in this neighbourhood to purchase a horse like that, unless
it be your lordship--so take the money, brother," and he thrust the
purse into my hand. Allowing myself to be persuaded, I kept
possession of the purse. "Are you satisfied now?" said I. "By no
means, brother," said Mr. Petulengro, "you will please to pay me
the five shillings which you lost to me." "Why," said I, "the
fifty pounds which I found in my pocket were not mine, but put in
by yourself." "That's nothing to do with the matter, brother,"
said Mr. Petulengro, "I betted you five shillings that you had
fifty pounds in your pocket, which sum you had: I did not say that
they were your own, but merely that you had fifty pounds; you will
therefore pay me, brother, or I shall not consider you an
honourable man." Not wishing to have any dispute about such a
matter, I took five shillings out of my under pocket, and gave them
to him. Mr. Petulengro took the money with great glee, observing--
"These five shillings I will take to the public-house forthwith,
and spend in drinking with four of my brethren, and doing so will
give me an opportunity of telling the landlord that I have found a
customer for his horse, and that you are the man. It will be as
well to secure the horse as soon as possible; for though the dook
tells me that the horse is intended for you, I have now and then
found that the dock is, like myself, somewhat given to lying."

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