The Shewing up of Blanco Posnet

G >> George Bernard Shaw >> The Shewing up of Blanco Posnet

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[They rise reluctantly. Hannah, Jessie, and Lottie retreat to the
Sheriff's bench, shepherded by Daniels; but the other women crowd
forward behind Babsy and Emma to see the prisoner.

Blanco Posnet it brought in by Strapper Kemp, the Sheriff's
brother, and a cross-eyed man called Squinty. Others follow.
Blanco is evidently a blackguard. It would be necessary to clean
him to make a close guess at his age; but he is under forty, and
an upturned, red moustache, and the arrangement of his hair in a
crest on his brow, proclaim the dandy in spite of his intense
disreputableness. He carries his head high, and has a fairly
resolute mouth, though the fire of incipient delirium tremens is
in his eye.

His arms are bound with a rope with a long end, which Squinty
holds. They release him when he enters; and he stretches himself
and lounges across the courthouse in front of the women. Strapper
and the men remain between him and the door.]

BABSY [spitting at him as he passes her] Horse-thief! horse-
thief!

OTHERS. You will hang for it; do you hear? And serve you right.
Serve you right. That will teach you. I wouldn't wait to try you.
Lynch him straight off, the varmint. Yes, yes. Tell the boys.
Lynch him.

BLANCO [mocking] "Angels ever bright and fair--"

BABSY. You call me an angel, and I'll smack your dirty face for
you.

BLANCO. "Take, oh take me to your care."

EMMA. There wont be any angels where youre going to.

OTHERS. Aha! Devils, more likely. And too good company for a
horse-thief.

ALL. Horse-thief! Horse-thief! Horse-thief!

BLANCO. Do women make the law here, or men? Drive these heifers
out.

THE WOMEN. Oh! [They rush at him, vituperating, screaming
passionately, tearing at him. Lottie puts her fingers in her ears
and runs out. Hannah follows, shaking her head. Blanco is thrown
down]. Oh, did you hear what he called us? You foul-mouthed
brute! You liar! How dare you put such a name to a decent woman?
Let me get at him. You coward! Oh, he struck me: did you see
that? Lynch him! Pete, will you stand by and hear me called names
by a skunk like that? Burn him: burn him! Thats what I'd do with
him. Aye, burn him!

THE MEN [pulling the women away from Blanco, and getting them out
partly by violence and partly by coaxing] Here! come out of this.
Let him alone. Clear the courthouse. Come on now. Out with you.
Now, Sally: out you go. Let go my hair, or I'll twist your arm
out. Ah, would you? Now, then: get along. You know you must go.
Whats the use of scratching like that? Now, ladies, ladies,
ladies. How would you like it if you were going to be hanged?

[At last the women are pushed out, leaving Elder Daniels, the
Sheriff's brother Strapper Kemp, and a few others with Blanco.
Strapper is a lad just turning into a man: strong, selfish,
sulky, and determined.]

BLANCO [sitting up and tidying himself]--

Oh woman, in our hours of ease.
Uncertain, coy, and hard to please--

Is my face scratched? I can feel their damned claws all over me
still. Am I bleeding? [He sits on the nearest bench].

ELDER DANIELS. Nothing to hurt. Theyve drawn a drop or two under
your left eye.

STRAPPER. Lucky for you to have an eye left in your head.

BLANCO [wiping the blood off]--

When pain and anguish wring the brow,
A ministering angel thou.

Go out to them, Strapper Kemp; and tell them about your big
brother's little horse that some wicked man stole. Go and cry in
your mammy's lap.

STRAPPER [furious] You jounce me any more about that horse,
Blanco Posnet; and I'll--I'll--

BLANCO. Youll scratch my face, wont you? Yah! Your brother's the
Sheriff, aint he?

STRAPPER. Yes, he is. He hangs horse-thieves.

BLANCO [with calm conviction] He's a rotten Sheriff. Oh, a rotten
Sheriff. If he did his first duty he'd hang himself. This is a
rotten town. Your fathers came here on a false alarm of gold-
digging; and when the gold didn't pan out, they lived by licking
their young into habits of honest industry.

STRAPPER. If I hadnt promised Elder Daniels here to give him a
chance to keep you out of Hell, I'd take the job of twisting your
neck off the hands of the Vigilance Committee.

BLANCO [with infinite scorn] You and your rotten Elder, and your
rotten Vigilance Committee!

STRAPPER. Theyre sound enough to hang a horse-thief, anyhow.

BLANCO. Any fool can hang the wisest man in the country. Nothing
he likes better. But you cant hang me.

STRAPPER. Cant we?

BLANCO. No, you cant. I left the town this morning before
sunrise, because it's a rotten town, and I couldn't bear to see
it in the light. Your brother's horse did the same, as any
sensible horse would. Instead of going to look for the horse, you
went looking for me. That was a rotten thing to do, because the
horse belonged to your brother--or to the man he stole it from--
and I don't belong to him. Well, you found me; but you didn't
find the horse. If I had took the horse, I'd have been on the
horse. Would I have taken all that time to get to where I did if
I'd a horse to carry me?

STRAPPER. I dont believe you started not for two hours after you
say you did.

BLANCO. Who cares what you believe or dont believe? Is a man
worth six of you to be hanged because youve lost your big
brother's horse, and youll want to kill somebody to relieve your
rotten feelings when he licks you for it? Not likely. Till you
can find a witness that saw me with that horse you cant touch me;
and you know it.

STRAPPER. Is that the law, Elder?

ELDER DANIELS. The Sheriff knows the law. I wouldnt say for sure;
but I think it would be more seemly to have a witness. Go and
round one up, Strapper; and leave me here alone to wrestle with
his poor blinded soul.

STRAPPER. I'll get a witness all right enough. I know the road he
took; and I'll ask at every house within sight of it for a mile
out. Come boys.

[Strapper goes out with the others, leaving Blanco and Elder
Daniels together. Blanco rises and strolls over to the Elder,
surveying him with extreme disparagement.]

BLANCO. Well, brother? Well, Boozy Posnet, alias Elder Daniels?
Well, thief? Well, drunkard?

ELDER DANIELS. It's no good, Blanco. Theyll never believe we're
brothers.

BLANCO. Never fear. Do you suppose I want to claim you? Do you
suppose I'm proud of you? Youre a rotten brother, Boozy Posnet.
All you ever did when I owned you was to borrow money from me to
get drunk with. Now you lend money and sell drink to other
people. I was ashamed of you before; and I'm worse ashamed of you
now, I wont have you for a brother. Heaven gave you to me; but I
return the blessing without thanks. So be easy: I shant blab. [He
turns his back on him and sits down].

ELDER DANIELS. I tell you they wouldn't believe you; so what does
it matter to me whether you blab or not? Talk sense, Blanco:
theres no time for your foolery now; for youll be a dead man an
hour after the Sheriff comes back. What possessed you to steal
that horse?

BLANCO. I didnt steal it. I distrained on it for what you owed
me. I thought it was yours. I was a fool to think that you owned
anything but other people's property. You laid your hands on
everything father and mother had when they died. I never asked
you for a fair share. I never asked you for all the money I'd
lent you from time to time. I asked you for mother's old necklace
with the hair locket in it. You wouldn't give me that: you
wouldn't give me anything. So as you refused me my due I took it,
just to give you a lesson.

ELDER DANIELS. Why didnt you take the necklace if you must steal
something? They wouldnt have hanged you for that.

BLANCO. Perhaps I'd rather be hanged for stealing a horse than
let off for a damned piece of sentimentality.

ELDER DANIELS. Oh, Blanco, Blanco: spiritual pride has been your
ruin. If youd only done like me, youd be a free and respectable
man this day instead of laying there with a rope round your neck.

BLANCO [turning on him] Done like you! What do you mean? Drink
like you, eh? Well, Ive done some of that lately. I see things.

ELDER DANIELS. Too late, Blanco: too late. [Convulsively] Oh, why
didnt you drink as I used to? Why didnt you drink as I was led to
by the Lord for my good, until the time came for me to give it
up? It was drink that saved my character when I was a young man;
and it was the want of it that spoiled yours. Tell me this. Did I
ever get drunk when I was working?

BLANCO. No; but then you never worked when you had money enough
to get drunk.

ELDER DANIELS. That just shews the wisdom of Providence and the
Lord's mercy. God fulfils himself in many ways: ways we little
think of when we try to set up our own shortsighted laws against
his Word. When does the Devil catch hold of a man? Not when he's
working and not when he's drunk; but when he's idle and sober.
Our own natures tell us to drink when we have nothing else to do.
Look at you and me! When we'd both earned a pocketful of money,
what did we do? Went on the spree, naturally. But I was humble
minded. I did as the rest did. I gave my money in at the drink-
shop; and I said, "Fire me out when I have drunk it all up." Did
you ever see me sober while it lasted?

BLANCO. No; and you looked so disgusting that I wonder it didn't
set me against drink for the rest of my life.

ELDER DANIELS. That was your spiritual pride, Blanco. You never
reflected that when I was drunk I was in a state of innocence.
Temptations and bad company and evil thoughts passed by me like
the summer wind as you might say: I was too drunk to notice them.
When the money was gone, and they fired me out, I was fired out
like gold out of the furnace, with my character unspoiled and
unspotted; and when I went back to work, the work kept me steady.
Can you say as much, Blanco? Did your holidays leave your
character unspoiled? Oh, no, no. It was theatres: it was
gambling: it was evil company, it was reading in vain romances:
it was women, Blanco, women: it was wrong thoughts and gnawing
discontent. It ended in your becoming a rambler and a gambler: it
is going to end this evening on the gallows tree. Oh, what a
lesson against spiritual pride! Oh, what a--[Blanco throws his
hat at him].

BLANCO. Stow it, Boozy. Sling it. Cut it. Cheese it. Shut up.
"Shake not the dying sinner's hand."

ELDER DANIELS. Aye: there you go, with your scraps of lustful
poetry. But you cant deny what I tell you. Why, do you think I
would put my soul in peril by selling drink if I thought it did
no good, as them silly temperance reformers make out, flying in
the face of the natural tastes implanted in us all for a good
purpose? Not if I was to starve for it to-morrow. But I know
better. I tell you, Blanco, what keeps America to-day the purest
of the nations is that when she's not working she's too drunk to
hear the voice of the tempter.

BLANCO. Dont deceive yourself, Boozy. You sell drink because you
make a bigger profit out of it than you can by selling tea. And
you gave up drink yourself because when you got that fit at
Edwardstown the doctor told you youd die the next time; and that
frightened you off it.

ELDER DANIELS [fervently] Oh thank God selling drink pays me! And
thank God he sent me that fit as a warning that my drinking time
was past and gone, and that he needed me for another service!

BLANCO. Take care, Boozy. He hasnt finished with you yet. He
always has a trick up His sleeve--

ELDER DANIELS. Oh, is that the way to speak of the ruler of the
universe--the great and almighty God?

BLANCO. He's a sly one. He's a mean one. He lies low for you. He
plays cat and mouse with you. He lets you run loose until you
think youre shut of him; and then, when you least expect it, he's
got you.

ELDER DANIELS. Speak more respectful, Blanco--more reverent.

BLANCO [springing up and coming at him] Reverent! Who taught you
your reverent cant? Not your Bible. It says He cometh like a
thief in the night--aye, like a thief--a horse-thief--

ELDER DANIELS [shocked] Oh!

BLANCO [overhearing him] And it's true. Thats how He caught me
and put my neck into the halter. To spite me because I had no use
for Him--because I lived my own life in my own way, and would
have no truck with His "Dont do this," and "You mustnt do that,"
and "Youll go to Hell if you do the other." I gave Him the go-bye
and did without Him all these years. But He caught me out at
last. The laugh is with Him as far as hanging me goes. [He
thrusts his hands into his pockets and lounges moodily away from
Daniels, to the table, where he sits facing the jury box].

ELDER DANIELS. Dont dare to put your theft on Him, man. It was
the Devil tempted you to steal the horse.

BLANCO. Not a bit of it. Neither God nor Devil tempted me to take
the horse: I took it on my own. He had a cleverer trick than that
ready for me. [He takes his hands out of his pockets and clenches
his fists]. Gosh! When I think that I might have been safe and
fifty miles away by now with that horse; and here I am waiting to
be hung up and filled with lead! What came to me? What made me
such a fool? Thats what I want to know. Thats the great secret.

ELDER DANIELS [at the opposite side of the table] Blanco: the
great secret now is, what did you do with the horse?

BLANCO [striking the table with his fist] May my lips be blighted
like my soul if ever I tell that to you or any mortal men! They
may roast me alive or cut me to ribbons; but Strapper Kemp shall
never have the laugh on me over that job. Let them hang me. Let
them shoot. So long as they are shooting a man and not a
sniveling skunk and softy, I can stand up to them and take all
they can give me--game.

ELDER DANIELS. Dont be headstrong, Blanco. Whats the use? [Slyly]
They might let up on you if you put Strapper in the way of
getting his brother's horse back.

BLANCO. Not they. Hanging's too big a treat for them to give up a
fair chance. Ive done it myself. Ive yelled with the dirtiest of
them when a man no worse than myself was swung up. Ive emptied my
revolver into him, and persuaded myself that he deserved it and
that I was doing justice with strong stern men. Well, my turn's
come now. Let the men I yelled at and shot at look up out of Hell
and see the boys yelling and shooting at me as I swing up.

ELDER DANIELS. Well, even if you want to be hanged, is that any
reason why Strapper shouldn't have his horse? I tell you I'm
responsible to him for it. [Bending over the table and coaxing
him]. Act like a brother, Blanco: tell me what you done with it.

BLANCO [shortly, getting up and leaving the table] Never you mind
what I done with it. I was done out of it. Let that be enough for
you.

ELDER DANIELS [following him] Then why don't you put us on to the
man that done you out of it?

BLANCO. Because he'd be too clever for you, just as he was too
clever for me.

FEEMY [reddening, and disengaging her arm from Strapper's] I'm
clean enough to hang you, anyway. [Going over to him
threateningly]. Youre no true American man, to insult a woman
like that.

BLANCO. A woman! Oh Lord! You saw me on a horse, did you?

FEEMY. Yes I did.

BLANCO. Got up early on purpose to do it, didn't you?

FEEMY. No I didn't: I stayed up late on a spree.

BLANCO. I was on a horse, was I?

FEEMY. Yes you were; and if you deny it youre a liar.

BLANCO [to Strapper] She saw a man on a horse when she was too
drunk to tell which was the man and which was the horse--

FEEMY [breaking in] You lie. I wasn't drunk--at least not as drunk
as that.

BLANCO [ignoring the interruption]--and you found a man without a
horse. Is a man on a horse the same as a man on foot? Yah! Take
your witness away. Who's going to believe her? Shove her into the
dustbin. Youve got to find that horse before you get a rope round
my neck. [He turns away from her contemptuously, and sits at the
table with his back to the jury box].

FEEMY [following him] I'll hang you, you dirty horse-thief; or
not a man in this camp will ever get a word or a look from me
again. Youre just trash: thats what you are. White trash.

BLANCO. And what are you, darling? What are you? Youre a worse
danger to a town like this than ten horse-thieves.

FEEMY. Mr Kemp: will you stand by and hear me insulted in that
low way? [To Blanco, spitefully] I'll see you swung up and I'll
see you cut down: I'll see you high and I'll see you low, as
dangerous as I am. [He laughs]. Oh you neednt try to brazen it
out. Youll look white enough before the boys are done with you.

BLANCO. You do me good. Feemy. Stay by me to the end, wont you?
Hold my hand to the last; and I'll die game. [He puts out his
hand: she strikes savagely at it; but he withdraws it in time and
laughs at her discomfiture].

FEEMY. You--

ELDER DANIELS. Never mind him, Feemy: he's not right in his head
to-day. [She receives the assurance with contemptuous credulity,
and sits down on the step of the Sheriff's dais].

Sheriff Kemp comes in: a stout man, with large flat ears, and a
neck thicker than his head.

ELDER DANIELS. Morning, Sheriff.

THE SHERIFF. Morning, Elder. [Passing on.] Morning, Strapper.
[Passing on]. Morning, Miss Evans. [Stopping between Strapper and
Blanco]. Is this the prisoner?

BLANCO [rising] Thats so. Morning, Sheriff.

THE SHERIFF. Morning. You know, I suppose, that if you've stole a
horse and the jury find against you, you wont have any time to
settle your affairs. Consequently, if you feel guilty, youd
better settle em now.

BLANCO. Affairs be damned! Ive got none.

THE SHERIFF. Well, are you in a proper state of mind? Has the
Elder talked to you?

BLANCO. He has. And I say it's against the law. It's torture:
thats what it is.

ELDER DANIELS. He's not accountable. He's out of his mind,
Sheriff. He's not fit to go into the presence of his Maker.

THE SHERIFF. You are a merciful man, Elder; but you wont take the
boys with you there. [To Blanco]. If it comes to hanging you,
youd better for your own sake be hanged in a proper state of mind
than in an improper one. But it wont make any difference to us:
make no mistake about that.

BLANCO. Lord keep me wicked till I die! Now Ive said my little
prayer. I'm ready. Not that I'm guilty, mind you; but this is a
rotten town, dead certain to do the wrong thing.

THE SHERIFF. You wont be asked to live long in it, I guess. [To
Strapper] Got the witness all right, Strapper?

STRAPPER. Yes, got everything.

BLANCO. Except the horse.

THE SHERIFF. Whats that? Aint you got the horse?

STRAPPER. No. He traded it before we overtook him, I guess. But
Feemy saw him on it.

FEEMY. She did.

STRAPPER. Shall I call in the boys?

BLANCO. Just a moment, Sheriff. A good appearance is everything
in a low-class place like this. [He takes out a pocket comb and
mirror, and retires towards the dais to arrange his hair].

ELDER DANIELS. Oh, think of your immortal soul, man, not of your
foolish face.

BLANCO. I cant change my soul, Elder: it changes me--sometimes.
Feemy: I'm too pale. Let me rub my cheek against yours, darling.

FEEMY. You lie: my color's my own, such as it is. And a pretty
color youll be when youre hung white and shot red.

BLANCO. Aint she spiteful, Sheriff?

THE SHERIFF. Time's wasted on you. [To Strapper] Go and see if
the boys are ready. Some of them were short of cartridges, and
went down to the store to buy them. They may as well have their
fun; and itll be shorter for him.

STRAPPER. Young Jack has brought a boxful up. Theyre all ready.

THE SHERIFF [going to the dais and addressing Blanco] Your place
is at the bar there. Take it. [Blanco bows ironically and goes to
the bar]. Miss Evans: youd best sit at the table. [She does so,
at the corner nearest the bar. The Elder takes the opposite
corner. The Sheriff takes his chair]. All ready, Strapper.

STRAPPER [at the door] All in to begin.

(The crowd comes in and fills the court. Babsy, Jessie, and Emma
come to the Sheriff's right; Hannah and Lottie to his left.)

THE SHERIFF. Silence there. The jury will take their places as
usual. [They do so].

BLANCO. I challenge this jury, Sheriff.

THE FOREMAN. Do you, by Gosh?

THE SHERIFF. On what ground?

BLANCO. On the general ground that it's a rotten jury.
[Laughter].

THE SHERIFF. Thats not a lawful ground of challenge.

THE FOREMAN. It's a lawful ground for me to shoot yonder skunk at
sight, first time I meet him, if he survives this trial.

BLANCO. I challenge the Foreman because he's prejudiced.

THE FOREMAN. I say you lie. We mean to hang you, Blanco Posnet;
but you will be hanged fair.

THE JURY. Hear, hear!

STRAPPER [to the Sheriff] George: this is rot. How can you get an
unprejudiced jury if the prisoner starts by telling them theyre
all rotten? If theres any prejudice against him he has himself to
thank for it.

THE BOYS. Thats so. Of course he has. Insulting the court!
Challenge be jiggered! Gag him.

NESTOR [a juryman with a long white beard, drunk, the oldest man
present] Besides, Sheriff, I go so far as to say that the man
that is not prejudiced against a horse-thief is not fit to sit on
a jury in this town.

THE BOYS. Right. Bully for you, Nestor! Thats the straight truth.
Of course he aint. Hear, hear!

THE SHERIFF. That is no doubt true, old man. Still, you must get
as unprejudiced as you can. The critter has a right to his
chance, such as he is. So now go right ahead. If the prisoner
don't like this jury, he should have stole a horse in another
town; for this is all the jury he'll get here.

THE FOREMAN. Thats so, Blanco Posnet.

THE SHERIFF [to Blanco] Dont you be uneasy. You will get justice
here. It may be rough justice; but it is justice.

BLANCO. What is justice?

THE SHERIFF. Hanging horse-thieves is justice; so now you know.
Now then: weve wasted enough time. Hustle with your witness
there, will you?

BLANCO [indignantly bringing down his fist on the bar] Swear the
jury. A rotten Sheriff you are not to know that the jury's got to
be sworn.

THE FOREMAN [galled] Be swore for you! Not likely. What do you
say, old son?

NESTOR [deliberately and solemnly] I say: GUILTY!!!

THE BOYS [tumultuously rushing at Blanco] Thats it. Guilty,
guilty. Take him out and hang him. He's found guilty. Fetch a
rope. Up with him. [They are about to drag him from the bar].

THE SHERIFF [rising, pistol in hand] Hands off that man. Hands
off him, I say, Squinty, or I drop you, and would if you were my
own son. [Dead silence], I'm Sheriff here; and it's for me to say
when he may lawfully be hanged. [They release him].

BLANCO. As the actor says in the play, "a Daniel come to
judgment." Rotten actor he was, too.

THE SHERIFF. Elder Daniel is come to judgment all right, my lad.
Elder: the floor is yours. [The Elder rises]. Give your evidence.
The truth and the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help
you God.

ELDER DANIELS. Sheriff: let me off this. I didn't ought to swear
away this man's life. He and I are, in a manner of speaking,
brothers.

THE SHERIFF. It does you credit, Elder: every man here will
acknowledge it. But religion is one thing: law is another. In
religion we're all brothers. In law we cut our brother off when
he steals horses.

THE FOREMAN. Besides, you neednt hang him, you know. Theres
plenty of willing hands to take that job off your conscience. So
rip ahead, old son.

STRAPPER. Youre accountable to me for the horse until you clear
yourself, Elder: remember that.

BLANCO. Out with it, you fool.

ELDER DANIELS. You might own up, Blanco, as far as my evidence
goes. Everybody knows I borrowed one of the Sheriff's horses from
Strapper because my own's gone lame. Everybody knows you arrived
in the town yesterday and put up in my house. Everybody knows
that in the morning the horse was gone and you were gone.

BLANCO [in a forensic manner] Sheriff: the Elder, though known to
you and to all here as no brother of mine and the rottenest liar
in this town, is speaking the truth for the first time in his
life as far as what he says about me is concerned. As to the
horse, I say nothing; except that it was the rottenest horse you
ever tried to sell.

THE SHERIFF. How do you know it was a rotten horse if you didn't
steal it?

BLANCO. I don't know of my own knowledge. I only argue that if
the horse had been worth its keep, you wouldn't have lent it to
Strapper, and Strapper wouldn't have lent it to this eloquent and
venerable ram. [Suppressed laughter]. And now I ask him this. [To
the Elder] Did we or did we not have a quarrel last evening about
a certain article that was left by my mother, and that I
considered I had a right to more than you? And did you say one
word to me about the horse not belonging to you?

ELDER DANIELS. Why should I? We never said a word about the horse
at all. How was I to know what it was in your mind to do?

BLANCO. Bear witness all that I had a right to take a horse from
him without stealing to make up for what he denied me. I am no
thief. But you havnt proved yet that I took the horse. Strapper
Kemp: had I the horse when you took me, or had I not?

STRAPPER. No, nor you hadnt a railway train neither. But Feemy
Evans saw you pass on the horse at four o'clock twenty-five miles
from the spot where I took you at seven on the road to Pony
Harbor. Did you walk twenty-five miles in three hours? That so,
Feemy, eh?

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