Neltje Blanchan et al - "Wild Flowers Worth Knowing"

William Shakespeare - "The First Part of Henry the Fourth"

John Payne - "Tales from the Arabic Volume 2"

Josiah Allen's Wife (Marietta Holley) - "Sweet Cicely"

In the Sweet Dry and Dry

C >> Christopher Morley and Bart Haley >> In the Sweet Dry and Dry




"No," he brooded, "there is nothing left."

Even the most loyal of the Bishop's Staff admitted that he was far
from well, and it was decided that he ought to take a vacation. He
himself concurred in this, and as the home resorts were no longer
places of mirth and glee, he determined to go to Europe. This
would have the added advantage of enabling him to spend some time
conferring with prohibition leaders abroad as to ways and means of
converting Europe to his schemes of reform. Everyone in the office
showed genuine unselfishness in making plans for the Bishop's
vacation, and he was urged to stay away as long as he felt he
could be spared. Europe, too, was much excited over the prospect
of his coming, and the British prime minister was questioned on
the subject in the House of Commons. For his entertainment on the
voyage a set of twelve beautiful folio volumes, bound in black
morocco, were prepared. They contained a digest of prohibition
legislation which Chuff had been instrumental in having put on the
statutes. For the first time in years the Bishop was cheered as he
passed about the streets, and he realized that he had never known
how popular he was until it was announced that he was going away.

But still he was not content. One morning, not long before the
date set for his sailing, he sat gloomily at his desk. He was
engaged in making his will, and had found to his secret bitterness
that after bequeathing a few personal trinkets to the office staff
there was really no one to whom he could leave the bulk of his
misfortune. Theodolinda, of course, he had quite cut off from his
estate. He only knew that she was living somewhere with the
degraded Quimbleton, carrying on a little psychic tavern which no
laws could reach, in a state of criminal happiness.

From the street, far beneath his open window, he heard the clamor
of a police patrol and leaned eagerly over the sill in the hope of
seeing something that would cheer his black mood. But it was only
a man being arrested for leaning against a lamp-post--a rather
common offence at that time, for most of the normal occupations of
the citizens had been prohibited, and they mooned about the
highways in a state of listless discontent. But then, farther down
the channel of the street, he saw something that caught his eye. A
group of people were marching with flags and signs toward the
railway station. SATURDAY SCHOOL PICNIC TO SOUSE TEMPLE, he read
on a banner. He noticed that in spite of all the laws against
smiling in public, these people bore a look of suppressed
merriment. They were obviously out for a good time. A sudden
thought struck him.

That afternoon, in impenetrable disguise, the Bishop paid his
first visit to the Temple of Dunraven Bleak.

The next morning, when his subordinates came to see him about the
final plans for his departure, they were horrified to find him
sitting at his desk wearing in the recesses of his beard what
would have been called (on any other man) a smile.

"I have changed my mind," he said. "I am not going away."

They cried out in amazement, and pointed out to him how sorely in
need of relaxation he was.

"I am planning relaxation," he said, and that was all they could
get out of him.

Later in the day a confidential messenger was dispatched to the
private printing press of the Chuff Organization, bearing the text
of a poster which was found broadcast over the whole country a few
days later. It ran thus:

AT THE NEXT ELECTION

For Perpetual Souse

VOTE FOR CHUFF

The People's Friend



THE END

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