Various - "Washington Square Plays"

Mary Johnston - "To Have and To Hold:"

Unkown - "Second Story of Meno (C)1995"

Samuel Rowlands et al - "The Bride"

Writing for Vaudeville

B >> Brett Page >> Writing for Vaudeville




BROOKY: (Coming C.) Got a story?

PERKINS: A pippin! Listen to this. (Reads from notes.) "Police
fishing. Make a big haul! Throw out the dragnet and once more
capture the Eel." A very slippery article.

BROOKY: I don't understand.

PERKINS: Oh, can't you understand, the Eel is the nickname, the
alias of one of the slickest crooks in the country, Billy Bradley.

BROOKY: Billy Bradley? Oh yes, I've heard of him.

PERKINS: Well, that's the Eel.

BROOKY: Oh I see; well, what about him?

PERKINS: He's been taken, or at least is going to be.

BROOKY: What's he done?

PERKINS: (Looking at BROOKY surprised.) You're up on that Worthington
robbery, aren't you?

BROOKY: What robbery is that?

PERKINS: (Disgusted.) Don't tell me you don't know that burglars
entered Mrs. Demming Worthington's house last night, and made off
with a five thousand dollar necklace?

BROOKY: I hadn't heard of it.

PERKINS: Good heavens, man! hasn't your paper got it?

BROOKY: (Going L.) I don't know. I never read our paper. (Perkins
follows BROOKY in disgust.)

O'MARA: (Smiling.) Well, I don't know but what you're just as well
off. (Enter INSPECTOR door C., O'MARA comes from behind desk and
stands above it for INSPECTOR to cross him.)

PERKINS: Good evenin', Inspector.

INSPECTOR: (Glancing about room, without stopping, goes straight
to stool behind desk.) How are you, boys! (INSPECTOR salutes O'MARA
as he passes him, O'MARA returns the salute, then goes to upper
end of desk, where he stands.)

BROOKY: How do you do, sir.

INSPECTOR: (Back of desk.) Well, O'Mara. They've got the Eel.

O'MARA: They have?

INSPECTOR: Dugan is on his way up with him now.

PERKINS: I guess it will go pretty hard with him, won't it Inspector?

INSPECTOR: If he is guilty.

PERKINS: Well, he is, isn't he?

INSPECTOR: I believe every man innocent until proven guilty.

BROOKY: Bravo, Inspector! Those are my sentiments.

INSPECTOR: I've sent for Mrs. Worthington. When we get her, Goldie,
the Eel and Dugan together, we shall be able to get a clearer view
on the matter. Bring up Goldie. (O'MARA exits door L.)

PERKINS: (Coming R. C.) Inspector, has this girl Goldie Marshall
ever been up before?

INSPECTOR: Well, she's been arrested a number of times, on
shop-lifting charges, but we've never been able to prove anything
on her.

PERKINS: Perhaps she's square after all.

INSPECTOR: Not at all unlikely; as I said before, I believe a
person innocent until proven guilty.

BROOKY: (Crossing R. to railing of desk.) And as I said before--Bravo,
old chap. (The INSPECTOR looks at BROOKY sternly and he retires
up stage R. confusedly, bumping into chair, sits in it.)

PERKINS: (Crossing R. to railing.) Inspector?

INSPECTOR: Well?

PERKINS: I suppose many a person has been railroaded through the
System?

INSPECTOR: (Rising angrily.) System! How dare you! What do you
mean?

PERKINS: I--I--beg your pardon, Inspector, I--

BROOKY: (Rising from chair and coming down L. of PERKINS.)
I say, don't make a bally ass of yourself.

INSPECTOR: Don't ever let me hear you say that again. (Voices of
O'MARA and GOLDIE are heard off L.) (Enter GOLDIE, followed by
O'MARA. Door L.)

GOLDIE: (Jerking away from O'MARA.) Well, don't yank my arm off.
(Looking around room.) I know the way. (Starts R.)

O'MARA: (Following GOLDIE, catches her by the back of neck as she
reaches C.) Don't give me any back talk or I'll yank your neck off.

INSPECTOR: O'Mara! let go your hold. Don't forget you're dealing
with a woman. (O'MARA releases hold.)

GOLDIE: (Mockingly courteous.) Thanks, Inspector! What'll I send
you for Christmas, a bunch of sweet forget-me-nots or a barrel of
pickles?

INSPECTOR: Goldie, don't be so incorrigible.

GOLDIE: Gee! but you're an educated guy.

INSPECTOR: Have a seat. (O'MARA jumps for chair with mock politeness.)

GOLDIE: (To reporters.) He's polite, too. (Crosses to chair.)

INSPECTOR: Well, Goldie!

GOLDIE: (Sitting.) Well, Inspector!

INSPECTOR: Do you intend to stay here to-night or are you going
to get bail?

GOLDIE: Where would I get bail?

INSPECTOR: I thought perhaps some gentleman friend of yours--

GOLDIE: (Rising angrily.) I ain't got no gentlemen friends. What
do you think I am, a Moll? (Sits.)

INSPECTOR: Don't make any grand stand play now, Goldie!

GOLDIE: Well, if you mean that I'm a bad girl, you'd better not
say it (Rising, crosses to desk and pounds angrily on railing.),
'cause I ain't, see?

INSPECTOR: Well, you don't deny that you and the Eel are sweethearts?

GOLDIE: Was, yes. Gee, we was goin' to get married, until in a
jealous huff he tried to kill me and was shipped for two years for
assault and battery, but it wasn't none of my doin's.

INSPECTOR: Didn't you prefer charges against him?

GOLDIE: I did not. Do you think I'd squeal on a pal? If it wasn't
for Dugan, they'd turn the Eel loose. (Sits.)

INSPECTOR: Why Dugan?

GOLDIE: Didn't he shove him in?

INSPECTOR: He was simply acting in his official duty.

GOLDIE: Official duty, my eye.

INSPECTOR: What other motive could Mr. Dugan possibly have had?

GOLDIE: (With a sneer.) Maybe you don't know. Well, I'll tell
you. He thought by shovin' the Eel out of the way, he could get
me.

INSPECTOR: And did he?

GOLDIE: Not so as you could notice it. I ain't no fall guy for
nobody.

INSPECTOR: Now that the Eel's been sprung, are you going back to
him?

GOLDIE: (Almost in tears.) Oh gee! I wish I could, but there's
nothing doin', he's sore on me.

INSPECTOR: When did you last see him?

GOLDIE: Just before he went up, two years ago.

INSPECTOR: How about this Worthington robbery, wasn't he in on it?

GOLDIE: (Hastily.) No, he wasn't.

INSPECTOR: (Quickly.) Who was?

GOLDIE: (After a slight pause as though to confess.) Well, I'll
tell you. There was three of us, me, Jesse James, and Christopher
Columbus. (Looks first at INSPECTOR then to PERKINS.) Ah, put it
down on your little yellow paper.

INSPECTOR: (Angrily.) Answers like that'll get you nothing here.

GOLDIE: See, you won't believe me when I tell you.

INSPECTOR: Silence, I say! (To O'MARA.) Take her down. (GOLDIE
rises from chair leisurely and strolls impudently L. as she comes
to BROOKY.) Oh, poo! poo!

INSPECTOR: (Stopping GOLDIE at door L.) And you'll stay down unless
you have a confession to make.

GOLDIE: (At door L.) Say, Inspector, if you're waitin' for a
confession from me, you'll wait until pigs fly kites. (Exit door
L. GOLDIE followed by O'MARA.) (PERKINS and BROOKY look off after
them.)

BROOKY: What a little terror!

PERKINS: Looks mighty like her work, doesn't it, Inspector?

INSPECTOR: No! The job has all the ear marks of the Eel, but she
undoubtedly is his accomplice. (Enter MRS. WORTHINGTON door C.,
she looks around uncomfortably and as she comes down C., BROOKY
and PERKINS on seeing her, remove their hats. INSPECTOR rises and
indicates chair R. C.) Ah! Mrs. Worthington! (Indicating Reporters.)
Have you any objection to talking for publication?

MRS. WORTHINGTON: (Looking toward Reports.) No, not at all. (PERKINS
has note paper and takes down as she talks.)

INSPECTOR: Will you kindly be seated? And we shall proceed? (MRS.
W. sits.) Now in the first place, how long had this girl, Goldie
Marshall, been in your employ?

MRS. WORTHINGTON: Just one week.

INSPECTOR: (Half aside.) That's about the time the Eel was sprung.
(To Mrs. W.) Had you missed anything else up to the time of this
robbery?

MRS. WORTHINGTON: No, nothing.

INSPECTOR: Who else was in the house at the time, besides yourself
and the maid?

MRS. WORTHINGTON: Only my guests who were at dinner with me. Mr.
Appleby and his wife.

INSPECTOR: The horseowner?

MRS. WORTHINGTON: Yes, and a Miss Hazelton from Pittsburgh.

INSPECTOR: Would you suspect them?

MRS. WORTHINGTON: Well, hardly.

INSPECTOR: Anyone else?

MRS. WORTHINGTON: Yes, Mr. Dugan.

INSPECTOR: What Dugan?

MRS. WORTHINGTON: Why, your Mr. Dugan here.

INSPECTOR: Oh, Tim Dugan.

MRS. WORTHINGTON: Yes, we're great friends, and he frequently dines
at my house. (Low murmur begins in the distance and grows louder.
MRS. W. rises in fear and appeals to the INSPECTOR, who comes from
behind the desk and--)

INSPECTOR: Don't be alarmed, Mrs. Worthington, just step behind
the desk. (MRS. WORTHINGTON steps back of desk and sits in chair
below stool. INSPECTOR replaces the chair in which MRS. W. has
been sitting in front of the window R. C. then returns to back of
desk where he stands. The REPORTERS at first sound show excitement,
PERKINS goes to door C. and looks off R. B.)

PERKINS: (At door C.) It's Dugan and he's got the Eel. (Goes down
L. C.) (DUGAN is seen out of window R. bringing the EEL along, who
is hand-cuffed. They are followed by a noisy crowd. DUGAN throws
the EEL down, C., then chases the crowd away from door C.)

EEL: (Looks around smiling until he sees INSPECTOR.) Hello,
Inspector! Gee! it's real oil for the wicks of my lamps to see you
again.

DUGAN: (Coming down C.) Yes, he's tickled to death to see you,
ain't you, Billy?

EEL: (Angrily.) The Eel to you, Copper; Billy to my pals.

INSPECTOR: Well, Billy!

EEL: That's right, Inspector, you're my pal. (Movement from
INSPECTOR.) Oh, I ain't forgot when you was just a plain Bull and
saved me from doin' my first bit on a phoney charge. They tried
to railroad me, you remember, and Dugan here was runnin' the engine.

INSPECTOR: Oh, you've got Dugan wrong, Billy, he bears you no
malice.

EEL: No, it's a mistake, he just loves me. Say, he thinks so much
of me, that if he saw me drowning, he'd bring me a glass of water.

DUGAN: You know why you were brought here?

EEL: Sure, so's you could railroad me again.

INSPECTOR: Nonsense, Dugan has nothing against you personally.

EEL: Oh yes he has; when he was new on the force, I beat him up
good. He was only a harness cop then, and one night he thought
he made me coppin' a super from a lush, which you know ain't my
graft. He started to fan me with a sap, so I just clubbed my smoke
wagon, and before I got through with him, I made him a pick-up for
the ambulance, and he ain't never forgot it.

INSPECTOR: What do you know about this Worthington robbery? (EEL
looks around suspiciously.) Before you answer, Billy, I warn you
to be careful, everything you say will be used against you.

EEL: Yes, and everything I don't say will be used, too. I know
the system.

DUGAN: (Crossing R. to EEL. REPORTERS follow.) Well, what have
you got to say?

EEL: (Taking time, looks around.) You don't think I'm goin' to
address this Mass Meeting here. (BROOKY looks L. to see if there
is anyone else there.)

INSPECTOR: You're not afraid to talk in front of a couple of
newspaper reporters, are you?

EEL: (Grinning at INSPECTOR to gain time.) Roosevelt gets a dollar
a word, where do I come in? (Resignedly.) All right, flag the
pencil pushers and I'll gab my nob. (DUGAN turns L. to tell the
REPORTERS to go. BROOKY says he don't understand. PERKINS pulls
him off door C., remonstrating, going R.) (The INSPECTOR signs to
DUGAN that they will now grill the EEL.)

INSPECTOR: This lady I suppose you know.

EEL: (Looks at MRS. WORTHINGTON.) I never lamped her before in my
life.

DUGAN: That is Mrs. Worthington, the lady you robbed.

EEL: (Banteringly to MRS. WORTHINGTON to gain time.) Is it? How
do you do, pleased to meet you. Gee! but you must be an awful
mark to be robbed. (INSPECTOR raps on desk.) What was it I stole
from you, Mrs. Worthington?

DUGAN: Nix on that bull. You know what you stole.

EEL: Yes, and I suppose you know what I stole before I stole it.

DUGAN: With dips like you, I always look far ahead.

EEL: Get out! you couldn't look far enough ahead to see the ashes
on your cigar. Why, if it wasn't for your stool pigeons--

DUGAN: That's enough out of you.

EEL: Oh, go chase yourself. (DUGAN smashes at EEL, who ducks around
back of him.)

INSPECTOR: Dugan!!! (When Dugan locates the EEL, he goes after him
again. MRS. WORTHINGTON screams.)

INSPECTOR: None of that, Dugan! Remember, he had no marks on him
when you brought him in. (DUGAN crosses L. in front of EEL and
looks off door L. in subdued rage.) A little more civility out
of you, Bradley.

EEL: All right, Inspector. (To MRS. W.) I beg your pardon, lady.

INSPECTOR: You have been brought here as a suspect in a five
thousand dollar jewelry theft which happened at the home of Mrs.
Worthington last night. (EEL makes no move.) Circumstances point
strongly in your direction. Your former sweetheart, Goldie Marshall,
was serving as maid to Mrs. Worthington at the time of the robbery.

EEL: And you think I planted her there as a stall.

DUGAN: Goldie spilled that much, and we didn't, have to third
degree her.

EEL: So Goldie declared me in on this?

INSPECTOR: She couldn't help it, we knew it was a two-man's job.

EEL: She snitched me into a frame-up.

DUGAN: Same as she did two years ago.

EEL: Why say, Inspector, I ain't seen Goldie since I was sprung
from the Pen.

DUGAN: Is that so? I got it straight that the first place you
mozied to was Goldie's flat on East Broadway. You were trailed.

EEL: Sure I was, by one of you pathfinders at the Central Office.
Oh, I've played tag with you before; Dugan, whatever you say, is.

INSPECTOR: Then you admit--

EEL: I don't admit nothin'.

INSPECTOR: Be careful what you say. Have you retained counsel?

EEL: A mouthpiece! What for?

INSPECTOR: You've got to be represented. Have you any money?

EEL: Sure! I left the hotel of Zebra clothed with a pocket full
of smiles and a wad of joy. (INSPECTOR whispers for O'MARA to bring
up GOLDIE. O'MARA exits door L.)

INSPECTOR: Well, the state will furnish you with an attorney.

EEL: What, one of them record shysters? Eighty years old and never
won a case. No, thanks, Inspector. I'll plead my own case; then
I got at least a chance to beat this rap.

DUGAN: You'd have a swell time pleading your own case.

EEL: Yes, and believe me I'll spring a sensation when I open up.
I'll show up some of this rotten graft. I'll bust "The System "
to smithereens. Dugan, I won't be railroaded--(EEL crosses in
rage L. to Dugan.)

INSPECTOR: Bradley! hold your tongue, you've said enough.

EEL: I ain't said half what I'm going to say--

INSPECTOR: (Fiercely.) Not another word out of you. Do you
understand?

EEL: (Coming down.) All right, Inspector. I don't want to get
anybody that's right, in bad, but I've got something up my sleeve.
(DUGAN laughs and goes up stage.) (GOLDIE enters door L. brought
in by O'MARA. She is startled at seeing EEL, then pleadingly:)

GOLDIE: Billy! (EEL turns and is about to go to GOLDIE but stops.)

EEL: You snitched again! You snitched again! (Running L. to GOLDIE
with arms up as though to hit her with hand-cuffs. GOLDIE snatches
his upraised arms.)

GOLDIE: Oh no, Billy! True as God I didn't!

DUGAN: (Aside to INSPECTOR.) Let's leave them alone, they'll talk.
(MRS. WORTHINGTON, INSPECTOR, DUGAN and O'MARA exit door R.)

GOLDIE: (Still holding EEL'S arms.) Why, I'd rather die than snitch.

EEL: (Jerking away and going R.) How about two years ago?

GOLDIE: I didn't even then when you left me dying. They framed
you while I was in the hospital.

EEL: Who?

GOLDIE: Dugan and his--

EEL: Sh!!! Oh if I could only believe you, kid.

GOLDIE: Look at me, Billy. Do you think I'd snitch?

EEL: (Looks at her, then pushes her head roughly back.) No, I can't
believe you did it, kid. (EEL takes GOLDIE in his arms.)

GOLDIE: (Sobbingly.) I'm so glad to see you again.

EEL: Me, too, kid. Gee, your head feels as natural on my shoulder
as a piece of pie on a prize-fighter's knife. (EEL takes GOLDIE
from his shoulder and says inquiringly.) But what are you doing
here?

GOLDIE: (Drying her tears.) Bein' held on suspicion, but they can't
get met I'm protected. Dugan's got to--

EEL: Nix on the crackin', don't shoot your trap, they're leavin'
us together for a stall. Talk about something else. (EEL turns
R. and GOLDIE grabs his hand.) Do you still love me?

GOLDIE: Always.

EEL: Will you marry me?

GOLDIE: If you want me to.

EEL: You know I do. (Looks around suspiciously.) Say, if I beat
this rap (DUGAN comes, on door R., and stands at upper end of
desk), let's get spliced and go out West, turn over a new leaf,
and begin life all over again, far away from the subway world where
the sun of happiness is always clouded and the ace of joy is
coppered. What do you say?

GOLDIE: Gee! them's the kindest words you've ever said to me. (Then
lightly.) And I'll march down the aisle with you, with my hair in
a braid.

EEL: Great!! Gee, I wonder if we could make our get-away now. (Both
start for door C., but DUGAN, who has come down behind them, stops
them.)

DUGAN: How do you do! Would you like to take a little trip out in
the air with me?

GOLDIE: Say, I'd rather be home with the headache, than at the
Movies with a guy like you. (Crosses L.) (INSPECTOR enters door
R. going behind desk.)

INSPECTOR: Well, have you got anything to say to me before I lock
you up for the night?

EEL: Nothin', except that it's a frame-up, and we defy you to go
through with it.

INSPECTOR: Take 'em down.

DUGAN: (Above door L.) Come on. (EEL starts for door L.)

GOLDIE: Good-night, Inspector.

INSPECTOR: Good-night.

EEL: (Turning at door L.) Same from me, Inspector.

INSPECTOR: Good-night, Bradley. (DUGAN shoves the EEL roughly off.
GOLDIE circles around and switches in front of DUGAN.) By the way,
Goldie, what's the number of your flat on East Broadway?

GOLDIE: (Hesitatingly at door L.) 327, Inspector.

INSPECTOR: Thanks.

GOLDIE: (Impudently.) You're welcome. (Exit door L. followed by
DUGAN.) (O'MARA locks door after them.)

INSPECTOR: (Calling O'MARA.) O'Mara!

O'MARA: (At door L.) Yes, sir.

INSPECTOR: I want a wire installed at 327 East Broadway.

O'MARA: (In front of desk.) Goldie's flat?

INSPECTOR: Yes. I'm leaving it to you to see that the orders are
carried out to the letter.

O'MARA: Yes, sir, to-morrow.

INSPECTOR: To-night, at once. I'm going to turn them loose. You
understand?

O'MARA: (Looks puzzled, then face brightens.) I understand.

DARK CHANGE


SCENE II

STREET SCENE, IN EAST BROADWAY

Showing flat house with stoop. Time: The same evening. A small
boy enters L. with bottle of milk, goes up steps door C., rings
bell, clicker sounds, and he exits door C. MAGGIE enters door C.
She is an East side janitress. She has a tin pail on her arm
around which is wrapped newspaper. She walks off L. PERKINS and
BROOKY are heard off R.)

PERKINS: (Entering R. briskly.) Come on, Brooky, don't be so slow.

BROOKY: (Straggling in after PERKINS.) I say, old chap, this sort
of work is most laborious. This flitting from one tram to another,
and being jostled and ordered to "step lively" by vulgar guards,
and running, yes actually running. It's not only bad taste, old
man, but positively undignified. (Dusting shoes with handkerchief,
L., PERKINS is up in vestibule of door C.)

PERKINS: If you want to supply your paper with live news, you've
got to keep hustling.

BROOKY: Very true, but it seems such a waste of energy.

PERKINS: (Coming down to BROOKY.) No energy is wasted that is
productive of flaring headlines. Now take that note pad I gave
you, and get your pencil busy with a description of this neighborhood.
(Goes R. making notes.)

BROOKY: (Taking paper and pencil from pockets after a search for
them.) This is more like being a Scotland Yarder than a reporter.

PERKINS: A Scotland Yarder!

BROOKY: I should say detective.

PERKINS: (Coming L.) Let me tell you something, Brooky. The
reporters and newspapers unravel more cases than the police.

BROOKY: I dare say you do. You're so damned inquisitive.

PERKINS: It isn't inquisitiveness, my boy, it's just being on the
level with the public.

BROOKY: (Laughing.) You know, some great man said, "The public be
damned."

PERKINS: He wasn't a great man, he was an ignorant man. The public
will stand for just so much, then look out; let your mind wander
back to the history of the French Revolution. An infuriated public
is the most ferocious blood-lapping animal in the earth's jungle.

BROOKY: Perky, I adore your descriptive talents.

PERKINS: (Going up into vestibule and ringing bell.) You make me
sick.

BROOKY: But surely you're not going to enter that apartment house
unannounced?

PERKINS: No, I'll tell them a couple of reporters want some news,
then you'll hear language no paper can print.

BROOKY: Why, are they all foreigners?

PERKINS: Say, Brooky, you're a perfect ass.

BROOKY: No, my dear fellow, none of us are perfect.

PERKINS: (Coming down out of vestibule to BROOKY.) Now listen, I
told you that I had inside information that the EEL and GOLDIE
were to be released, that's why I hustled you over here. I could
have come alone, but I let you in on a big scoop for your paper.

BROOKY: Righto, old chap, righto; but what bothers me is, what's
it all about?

PERKINS: It's about time you got next to yourself.

BROOKY: Another impossible metaphor, my dear fellow; how can one
get next to one's self without being twins?

PERKINS: Brooky, Englishmen as a rule are thick, but you are a
density of thickness that is impenetrable.

BROOKY: Yes, I know I am a rare sort.

PERKINS: Now, we haven't time to argue a lot of piffle. The girl
isn't in yet, there's no answer to my ring, so let's stroll around
and come back later. (Exit R.)

BROOKY: (Not seeing that PERKINS has gone.) Righto! old man, we'll
stroll, for if there's anything that I like, its having a nice
little--(Seeing that PERKINS is gone.) Perkins! you said stroll.
Don't run, don't run, it's so damned undignified. (Exit R.) (Enter
L., O'MARA dressed in citizen's clothes. He looks at number on
house then motions off for TOM to come on. TOM comes on L., they
go up into vestibule and look for names on bells. Enter Officer
FLYNN, stealthily.)

FLYNN: Come on, now, you don't live there, I've had my eye on you
for five minutes.

O'MARA: (Coming down from vestibule to FLYNN.) Well, keep your eye
on something else, if you know what's good for you. (Takes badge
out of pocket.)

FLYNN: (Surprised.) Central Officer! (Whistles and walks off R.)

O'MARA: (Returning to vestibule.) Ring any bell?

TOM: No, her flat's on the second floor, so I'll ring up the top
flat. (TOM rings the bell and sound of electric door opener is
heard, they both exit door C.) (FLYNN strolls back on from R. ad
MAGGIE enters from L.)

FLYNN: Hello, Maggie! been out to get the evening paper? There
is not much in it.

MAGGIE: There's enough in it to quench me thirst after a hard day's
work.

FLYNN: I see you've got the paper wrapped around something good.

MAGGIE: I have that, and it's meself instead of the paper'll be
wrapped around it in a minute. (Light goes up in window above.)

FLYNN: I see you've got a new tenant. Is she hard on you?

MAGGIE: Divel-a-bit! She's a nice respectable dacent girl, and
aisy to get along with. I never seen her with no men folks. Maybe
she's a widdy, as I'd like to be.

FLYNN: A widow? What's the matter with your old man?

MAGGIE: He ain't worth powder enough to blow up a cock-roach.

FLYNN: Is he working?

MAGGIE: He ain't done a tap since the civil war.

FLYNN: That's quite a vacation.

MAGGIE: Vacation? It's a life sentence of laziness.

FLYNN: There's many a good man layin' off.

MAGGIE: No, the good men are dyin' off, it's the bums that are
layin' off.

FLYNN: (Looking at house.) Well, the landlord of this house ain't
particular about his tenants.

MAGGIE: Not a bit, it's been a nest for thieves ever since I came
here.

FLYNN: Well, they've got to live somewhere, the jails are overcrowded.

MAGGIE: Oh, I don't mind thim, they can steal nothin' from me but
me old man, and they're welcome to him without usin' a jimmy.

FLYNN: A jimmy? You're getting on to the thief slang.

MAGGIE: Why wouldn't I? That's all I hear mornin' and night from
"Tommy the Rat," "Tim the Flim," and "John the Con."

FLYNN: You know all their monakers?

MAGGIE: I do that. Say, they've given me a monaker, too.

FLYNN: What do they call you?

MAGGIE: "Mag the Jag."

FLYNN: (Laughs.) Well, I must be off. (Starts off R.)

MAGGIE: (As she goes up into vestibule.) Won't you come in and
have a sup of beer and a pull at the old man's pipe?

FLYNN: I can't, I've got a stationary post.

MAGGIE: Look at that now, that shows where you stand. Good-night,
John.

FLYNN: Good-night, Maggie. (Exits R.) (Enter EEL and GOLDIE arm
in arm, talking earnestly. As they come to steps, GOLDIE goes up
and unlocks door. EEL sees FLYNN coming up on R., he lights
cigarette and motions to go in. GOLDIE exits door C. FLYNN comes
up to EEL, who throws the match in his face and disappears door
C. as FLYNN is rubbing his eyes.)

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