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Wolfville Days

A >> Alfred Henry Lewis >> Wolfville Days




"'Whoopee, Grief!' he sings over to where Grief's layin' all quiled
up same as a water-moccasin snake, an' the rain peltin' into him
like etarnal wrath; 'wake up thar an' crawl for cover!'

"'I'm awake,' says Grief.

"'Well, why don't you get outen the rain?'

"'I'm all wet now an' the rain don't do no hurt,' says Grief.

"An' this yere lazy Grief Mudlow keeps on layin' thar. It ain't no
time when the branch begins to raise; the water crawls up about
Grief's feet. So his pard shouts at him some more:

"'Whoopee, you Grief ag'in!' he says. 'If you don't pull your
freight, the branch'll get you. It's done riz over the stock of your
rifle.'

"'Water won't hurt the wood none,' says Grief.

"'You Grief over thar!' roars the other after awhile; 'your feet an'
laigs is half into the branch, an' the water's got up to the lock of
your gun.'

"'Thar's no load in the gun,' says Grief, still a-layin', 'an'
besides she needs washin' out. As for them feet an' laigs, I never
catches cold.'

"An' thar that ornery Grief reposes, too plumb lazy to move, while
the branch creeps up about him. It's crope up so high, final, that
his y'ears an' the back of his head is in it. All Grief does is sort
o' lift his chin an' lay squar', to keep his nose out so's he can
breathe.

An' he shorely beats the game; for the rain ceases, an' the branch
don't rise no higher. This yere Grief lays thar ontil the branch
runs down an' he's high an' dry ag'in, an' then the sun shines out
an' dries his clothes. It's that same night when Grief has drug
himse'f home to supper, he says to his wife, 'Thar's nothin' like
exercise,' an' then counsels that lady over his corn pone an'
chitlins to take in washin' like I relates."

We walked on in mute consideration of the extraordinary indolence of
the worthless Mudlow. Our silence obtained for full ten minutes.
Then I proposed "courage" as a subject, and put a question.

"Thar's fifty kinds of courage," responded my companion, "an' a gent
who's plumb weak an' craven, that a-way, onder certain
circumstances, is as full of sand as the bed of the Arkansaw onder
others. Thar's hoss-back courage an' thar's foot courage, thar's day
courage an' night courage, thar's gun courage an' knife courage, an'
no end of courages besides. An' then thar's the courage of vanity.
More'n once, when I'm younger, I'm swept down by this last form of
heroism, an' I even recalls how in a sperit of vainglory I rides a
buffalo bull. I tells you, son, that while that frantic buffalo is
squanderin' about the plains that time, an' me onto him, he feels a
mighty sight like the ridge of all the yooniverse. How does it end?
It's too long a tale to tell walkin' an' without reecooperatifs;
suffice it that it ends disastrous. I shall never ride no buffalo
ag'in, leastwise without a saddle, onless its a speshul o'casion.

"No, indeed, that word 'courage' has to be defined new for each
case. Thar's old Tom Harris over on the Canadian. I beholds Tom one
time at Tascosa do the most b'ar-faced trick; one which most sports
of common sens'bilities would have shrunk from. Thar's a warrant out
for Tom, an' Jim East the sheriff puts his gun on Tom when Tom's
lookin' t'other way.

"'See yere, Harris!' says East, that a-way.

"Tom wheels, an' is lookin' into the mouth of East's six-shooter not
a yard off.

"'Put up your hands!' says East.

"But Tom don't. He looks over the gun into East's eye; an' he
freezes him. Then slow an' delib'rate, an' glarin' like a mountain
lion at East, Tom goes back after his Colt's an' pulls it. He lays
her alongside of East's with the muzzle p'intin' at East's eye. An'
thar they stands. "'You don't dar' shoot!' says Tom; an' East don't.
"They breaks away an' no powder burned; Tom stands East off.
"'Warrant or no warrant,' says Tom, 'all the sheriffs that ever
jingles a spur in the Panhandle country, can't take me! Nor all the
rangers neither!' An' they shore couldn't. "Now this yere break-away
of Tom's, when East gets the drop that time, takes courage. It ain't
one gent in a thousand who could make that trip but Tom. An' yet
this yere Tom is feared of a dark room. "Take Injuns;--give 'em
their doo, even if we ain't got room for them miscreants in our
hearts. On his lines an' at his games, a Injun is as clean strain as
they makes. He's got courage, an' can die without battin' an eye or
waggin' a y'ear, once it's come his turn. An' the squaws is as cold
a prop'sition as the bucks. After a fight with them savages, when
you goes 'round to count up an' skin the game, you finds most as
many squaws lyin' about, an' bullets through 'em, as you finds
bucks.

"Courage is sometimes knowledge, sometimes ignorance; sometimes
courage is desp'ration, an' then ag'in it's innocence. "Once, about
two miles off, when I'm on the Staked Plains, an' near the aige
where thar's pieces of broken rock, I observes a Mexican on foot,
frantically chunkin' up somethin'. He's left his pony standin' off a
little, an' has with him a mighty noisy form of some low kind of
mongrel dog, this latter standin' in to worry whatever it is the
Mexican's chunkin' at, that a-way. I rides over to investigate the
war-jig; an' I'm a mesquite digger! if this yere transplanted
Castillian ain't done up a full-grown wild cat! It's jest coughin'
its last when I arrives. Son, I wouldn't have opened a game on that
feline--the same bein' as big as a coyote, an' as thoroughly
organized for trouble as a gatling--with anythin' more puny than a
Winchester. An' yet that guileless Mexican lays him out with rocks,
and regyards sech feats as trivial. An American, too, by merely
growlin' towards this Mexican, would make him quit out like a jack
rabbit. "As I observes prior, courage is frequent the froots of what
a gent don't know. Take grizzly b'ars. Back fifty years, when them
squirrel rifles is preevalent; when a acorn shell holds a charge of
powder, an' bullets runs as light an' little as sixty-four to the
pound, why son! you-all could shoot up a grizzly till sundown an'
hardly gain his disdain. It's a fluke if you downs one. That sport
who can show a set of grizzly b'ar claws, them times, has fame.
They're as good as a bank account, them claws be, an' entitles said
party to credit in dance hall, bar room an' store, by merely
slammin' 'em on the counter. "At that time the grizzly b'ar has
courage. Whyever does he have it, you asks? Because you couldn't
stop him; he's out of hoomanity's reach--a sort o' Alexander Selkirk
of a b'ar, an' you couldn't win from him. In them epocks, the
grizzly b'ar treats a gent contemptuous. He swats him, or he claws
him, or he hugs him, or he crunches him, or he quits him accordin'
to his moods, or the number of them engagements which is pressin' on
him at the time. An' the last thing he considers is the feelin's of
that partic'lar party he's dallyin' with. Now, however, all is
changed. Thar's rifles, burnin' four inches of this yere fulminatin'
powder, that can chuck a bullet through a foot of green oak. Wisely
directed, they lets sunshine through a grizzly b'ar like he's a pane
of glass. An', son, them b'ars is plumb onto the play.

"What's the finish? To-day you can't get clost enough to a grizzly
to hand him a ripe peach. Let him glimpse or smell a white man, an'
he goes scatterin' off across hill an' canyon like a quart of licker
among forty men. They're shore apprehensife of them big bullets an'
hard-hittin' guns, them b'ars is; an' they wouldn't listen to you,
even if you talks nothin' but bee-tree an' gives a bond to keep the
peace besides. Yes, sir; the day when the grizzly b'ar will stand
without hitchin' has deeparted the calendar a whole lot. They no
longer attempts insolent an' coarse familiar'ties with folks.
Instead of regyardin' a rifle as a rotton cornstalk in disguise,
they're as gun-shy as a female institoote. Big b'ars an' little
bars, it's all sim'lar; for the old ones tells it to the young, an'
the lesson is spread throughout the entire nation of b'ars. An'
yere's where you observes, enlightenment that a-way means a-
weakenin' of grizzly-b'ar courage.

"What's that, son? You-all thinks my stories smell some tall! You
expresses doubts about anamiles conversin' with one another? That's
where you're ignorant. All anamiles talks; they commoonicates the
news to one another like hoomans. When I've been freightin' from
Dodge down towards the Canadian, I had a eight-mule team. As shore
as we're walkin'--as shore as I'm pinin' for a drink, I've listened
to them mules gossip by the hour as we swings along the trail. Lots
of times I saveys what they says. Once I hears the off-leader tell
his mate that the jockey stick is sawin' him onder the chin. I
investigates an' finds the complaint troo an' relieves him. The nigh
swing mule is a wit; an' all day long he'd be throwin' off remarks
that keeps a ripple of laughter goin' up an' down the team. You-all
finds trouble creditin' them statements. Fact, jest the same. I've
laughed at the jokes of that swing mule myse'f; an' even Jerry, the
off wheeler, who's a cynic that a-way, couldn't repress a smile.
Shore! anamiles talks all the time; it's only that we-all hoomans
ain't eddicated to onderstand.

"Speakin' of beasts talkin', let me impart to you of what passes
before my eyes over on the Caliente. In the first place, I'll so far
illoomine your mind as to tell you that cattle, same as people--an'
speshully mountain cattle, where the winds an snows don't get to
drive 'em an' drift 'em south--lives all their lives in the same
places, year after year; an' as you rides your ranges, you're allers
meetin' up with the same old cattle in the same canyons. They never
moves, once they selects a home.

"As I observes, I've got a camp on the Caliente. Thar's ten ponies
in my bunch, as I'm saddlin' three a day an' coverin' a considerable
deal of range in my ridin'. Seein' as I'm camped yere some six
months, I makes the aquaintance of the cattle for over twenty miles
'round. Among others, thar's a giant bull in Long's Canyon--he's
shoreiy as big as a log house. Him an' me is partic'lar friends,
cnly I don't track up on him more frequent than once a week, as he's
miles from my camp. I almost forgets to say that with this yere
Goliath bull is a milk-white steer, with long, slim horns an' a face
which is the combined home of vain conceit an' utter witlessness.
This milky an' semi-ediotic steer is a most abject admirer of the
Goliath bull, an' they're allers together. As I states, this
mountain of a bull an' his weak-minded follower lives in Long's
Canyon.

"Thar's two more bulls, the same bein', as Colonel Sterett would
say, also 'persons of this yere dramy.' One is a five-year-old who
abides on the upper Red River; an' the other, who is only a three-
year-old, hangs out on the Caliente in the vicinity of my camp.

"Which since I've got to talk of an' concernin' them anamiles, I
might as well give 'em their proper names. They gets these last all
reg'lar from a play-actor party who comes swarmin' into the hills
while I'm thar to try the pine trees on his 'tooberclosis,' as he
describes said malady, an' whose weakness is to saw off cognomens on
everythin' he sees. As fast as he's introdooced to 'em, this actor
sport names the Long's Canyon bull 'Falstaff'; the Red River five-
year-old 'Hotspur,' bein' he's plumb b'lligerent an' allers makin'
war medicine; while the little three-year-old, who inhabits about my
camp in the Caliente, he addresses as 'Prince Hal.' The fool of a
white steer that's worshippin' about 'Falstaff' gets named 'Pistol,'
although thar's mighty little about the weak-kneed humbug to remind
you of anythin' as vehement as a gun. Falstaff, Pistol, Hotspur an'
Prince Hal; them's the titles this dramatist confers on said cattle.

"Which the West is a great place to dig out new appellations that a-
way. Thar's a gentle-minded party comes soarin' down on Wolfville
one evenin'. No, he don't own no real business to transact; he's out
to have a heart-to-heart interview with the great Southwest, is the
way he expounds the objects of his search.

"'An' he's plenty tender,' says Black Jack, who's barkeep at the Red
Light. 'He cornes pushin' along in yere this mornin'; an' wliat do
you-all reckon now he wants. Asks for ice! Now whatever do you
make of it! Ice in August, an' within forty miles of the Mexico line
at that. "Pard," I says, "we're on the confines of the tropics; an'
while old Arizona is some queer, an' we digs for wood an' climbs for
water, an' indulges in much that is morally an' physically the
teetotal reverse of right-side-up-with-care, so far in our
meanderin's we ain't oncovered no glaciers nor cut the trail of any
ice. Which if you've brought snowshoes with you now, or been
figgerin' on a Arizona sleighride, you're settin' in hard luck."'

"Jest as Black Jack gets that far in them statements, this yere
tenderfoot shows in the door.

"'Be you a resident of Wolfville?' asks this shorthorn of Dave Tutt.

"'I'm one of the seven orig'nal wolves,' says Tutt.

"'Yere's my kyard,' says the shorthorn, an' he beams on Dave in a
wide an' balmy way.

"'Archibald Willingham De Graffenreid Butt,' says Dave, readin' off
the kyard. Then Dave goes up to the side, an' all solemn an' grave,
pins the kyard to the board with his bowie-knife. 'Archibald
Willingham De Graffenreid Butt,' an' Dave repeats the words plumb
careful. 'That's your full an' c'rrect name, is it?'

"The shorthorn allows it is, an' surveys Dave in a woozy way like he
ain't informed none of the meanin' of these yere manoovers.

"'Did you-all come through Tucson with this name?' asks Dave.

"He says he does.

"'An' wasn't nothin' said or done about it?' demands Dave; 'don't
them Tucson sports take no action?'

"He says nothin' is done.

"'It's as I fears,' says Dave, shakin' his head a heap loogubrious,
'that Tucson outfit is morally goin' to waste. It's worse than
careless; it's callous. That's whatever; that camp is callous. Was
you aimin' to stay for long in Wolfville with this yere title?' asks
Dave at last.

"The shorthorn mentions a week.

"'This yere Wolfville,' explains Dave, 'is too small for all that
name. Archibald Willingham De Graffenreid Butt! It shorely sounds
like a hoss in a dance hall. But it's too long for Wolfville, an'
Wolfville even do her best. One end of that name is bound to
protrood. Or else it gets all brunkled up like along nigger in a
short bed. However,' goes on Dave, as he notes the shorthorn lookin'
a little dizzy, 'don't lose heart. We does the best we can. I likes
your looks, an' shall come somewhat to your rescoo myse'f in your
present troubles. Gents,' an' Dave turns to where Boggs an' Cherokee
an' Texas Thompson is listenin', 'I moves you we suspends the
rooles, an' re-names this excellent an' well-meanin' maverick,
"Butcherknife Bill."'

"'I seconds the motion,' says Boggs. 'Butcherknife Bill is a neat
an' compact name. I congratulates our visitin' friend from the East
on the case wherewith he wins it out. I would only make one
su'gestion, the same bein' in the nacher of amendments to the
orig'nal resolootion, an' which is, that in all games of short
kyards, or at sech times as we-all issues invitations to drink, or
at any other epock when time should be saved an' quick action is
desir'ble, said cognomen may legally be redooced, to "Butch."'

"'Thar bein' no objections,' says Tutt, 'it is regyarded as the
sense of the meetin' that this yere visitin' sharp from the States,
yeretofore clogged in his flight by the name of Archibald Willingham
De Graffenreid Butt, be yereafter known as "Butcherknife Bill"; or
failin' leesure for the full name, as "Butch," or both at the
discretion of the co't, with the drinks on Butch as the gent now
profitin' by this play. Barkeep, set up all your bottles an' c'llect
from Butch.'

"But to go back to my long ago camp on the Caliente. Prince Hal is a
polished an' p'lite sort o' anamile. The second day after I pitches
camp, Prince Hal shows up. He paws the grass, an' declar's himse'f,
an' gives notice that while I'm plumb welcome, he wants it
onderstood that he's party of the first part in that valley, an'
aims to so continyoo. As I at once agrees to his claims, he is
pacified; then he counts up the camp like he's sizin' up the
plunder. It's at this point I signs Prince Hal as my friend for life
by givin' him about a foot of bacon-skin. He stands an' chews on
that bacon-skin for two hours; an' thar's heaven in his looks. "It
gets so Prince Hal puts in all his spar' time at my camp. An' I
donates flapjacks, bacon-skins an' food comforts yeretofore onknown
to Prince Hal. He regyards that camp of mine as openin' a new era on
the Caliente.

"When not otherwise engaged, Prince Hal stands in to curry my ponies
with his tongue. The one he'd be workin' on would plant himse'f
rigid, with y'ears drooped, eyes shet, an' tail a-quiverin'; an'
you-all could see that Prince Hal, with his rough tongue, is jest
burnin' up that bronco from foretop to fetlocks with the joy of them
attentions. When Prince Hal has been speshul friendly, I'd pass him
out a plug of Climax tobacco. Sick? Never once! It merely elevates
Prince Hal's sperits in a mellow way, that tobacco does; makes him
feel vivid an' gala a whole lot.

"Which we're all gettin' on as pleasant an' oneventful as a litter
of pups over on the Caliente, when one mornin' across the divide
from Red River comes this yere pugnacious person, Hotspur. He makes
his advent r'arin' an' slidin' down the hillside into our valley,
promulgatin' insults, an' stampin' for war. You can see it in
Hotspur's eye; he's out to own the Caliente.

"Prince Hal is curryin' a pony when this yere invader comes crashin'
down the sides of the divide. His eyes burn red, he evolves his
warcry in a deep bass voice, an' goes curvin' out onto the level of
the valley-bottom to meet the enemy. Gin'ral Jackson, couldn't have
displayed more promptitood.

"Thar ain't much action in one of them cattle battles. First,
Hotspur an' Prince Hal stalks 'round, pawin' up a sod now an' then,
an' sw'arin' a gale of oaths to themse'fs. It looks like Prince Hal
could say the most bitter things, for at last Hotspur leaves off his
pawin' ail' profanity an' b'ars down on him. The two puts their
fore'ards together an' goes in for a pushin' match.

"But this don't last. Hotspur is two years older, an' over-weighs
Prince Hal about three hundred pounds. Prince Hal feels Hotspur out,
an' sees that by the time the deal goes to the turn, he'll be shore
loser. A plan comes into his mind. Prince Hal suddenly backs away,
an' keeps on backin' ontil he's cl'ared himse'f from his foe by
eighty feet. Hotspur stands watchin'; it's a new wrinkle in bull
fights to him. He call tell that this yere Prince Hal ain't
conquered none, both by the voylent remarks he makes as well as the
plumb defiant way he wears his tail. So Hotspur stands an' ponders
the play, guessin' at what's likely to break loose next.

"But the conduct of this yere Prince Hal gets more an' more
mysterious. When he's a safe eighty feet away, he jumps in the air,
cracks his heels together, hurls a frightful curse at Hotspur, an'
turns an' walks off a heap rapid. Hotspur can't read them signs at
all; an' to be frank, no more can I. Prince Hal never looks back; he
surges straight ahead, climbs the hill on the other side, an' is
lost in the oak bushes.

"Hotspur watches him out of sight, gets a drink in the Caliente, an'
then climbs the hillside to where I'm camped, to decide about me. Of
course, Hotspur an' I arrives at a treaty of peace by the bacon-rind
route, an' things ag'in quiets down on the Caliente.

"It's next mornin' about fourth drink time, an' I'm overhaulin' a
saddle an' makin' up some beliefs on several subjects of interest,
when I observes Hotspur's face wearin' a onusual an' highly hang-dog
expression. An' I can't see no cause. I sweeps the scenery with my
eye, but I notes nothin'. An' yet it's as evident as a club flush
that Hotspur's scared to a standstill. He ain't sayin nothin', but
that's because he thinks he'll save his breath to groan with when
dyin'. It's a fact, son; I couldn't see nor hear a thing, an' yet
that Hotspur bull stands thar fully aware, somehow, that thar's a
warrant out for him.

"At last I'm made posted of impendin' events. Across the wide
Caliente comes a faint but f'rocious war song. I glance over that a-
way, an' thar through the oak bresh comes Prince Hal. An' although
he's a mile off, he's p'intin' straight for this yere invader,
Hotspur. At first I thinks Prince Hal's alone, an' I'm marvellin'
whatever he reckons he's goin' to a'complish by this return. But
jest then I gets a glimmer, far to Prince Hal's r'ar, of that
reedic'lous Pistol, the milk-white steer.

"I beholds it all; Falstaff is comin'; only bein' a dark brown I
can't yet pick him out o' the bresh. Prince Hal has travelled over
to Long's Canyon an' told the giant Falstaff how Hotspur jumps into
the Caliente an' puts it all over him that a-way. Falstaff is
lumberin' over--it's a journey of miles--to put this redundant
Hotspur back on his reservation. Prince Hal, bein' warm, lively an'
plumb zealous to recover his valley, is nacherally a quarter of a
mile ahead of Falstaff.

"It's allers a question with me why this yere foolhardy Hotspur
don't stampede out for safety. But he don't; he stands thar lookin'
onusual limp, an' awaits his fate. Prince Hal don't rush up an'
mingle with Hotspur; he's playin' a system an' he don't deviate
tharfrom. lie stands off about fifty yards, callin' Hotspur names,
an' waitin' for Falstaff to arrive.

"An' thar's a by-play gets pulled off. This ranikaboo Pistol, who
couldn't fight a little bit, an' who's caperin' along ten rods in
the lead of Falstaff, gets the sudden crazy-boss notion that he'll
mete out punishment to Hotspur himse'f, an' make a reputation as a
war-eagle with his pard an' patron, Falstaff. With that, Pistol
curves his tail like a letter S, and, lowerin' his knittin'-needle
horns, comes dancin' up to Hotspur. The bluff of this yere ignoble
Pistol is too much. Hotspur r'ars loose an' charges him. This
egreegious Pistol gets crumpled up, an' Hotspur goes over him like a
baggage wagon. The shock is sech that Pistol falls over a wash-bank;
an' after swappin' end for end, lands twenty feet below with a groan
an' a splash in the Caliente. Pistol is shorely used up, an' crawls
out on the flat ground below, as disconsolate a head o' cattle as
ever tempts the echoes with his wails.

"But Hotspur has no space wherein to sing his vict'ry. Falstaff
decends upon him like a fallin' tree. With one rushin' charge, an' a
note like thunder, he simply distributes that Hotspur all over the
range. Thar's only one blow; as soon as Hotspur can round up his
fragments an' net to his hoofs, he goes sailin' down the valley, his
eyes stickin' out so's he can see his sins. As he starts, Prince
Hal, who's been hoppin' about the rim of the riot, claps his horns
to Hotspur's flyin' hocks an' keeps him goin'. But it ain't needed
none; that Falstaff actooally ruins Hotspur with the first charge.

"That night Falstaff, with the pore Pistol jest able to totter,
stays with us, an' Prince Hal fusses an' bosses' 'round, sort o'
directin' their entertainment. The next afternoon Falstaff gives a
deep bellow or two, like he's extendin' 'adios' to the entire
Caliente canyon, an' then goes pirootin' off for home in Long's,
with Pistol, who looks an' feels like a laughin' stock, limpin' at
his heels. That's the end. Four days later, as I'm swingin' 'round
the range, I finds Falstaff an' Pistol in Long's Canyon; Prince Hal
is on the Caliente; while Hotspur--an' his air is both wise an' sad-
-is tamely where he belongs on the Upper Red. An' now recallin' how
I comes to plunge into this yere idyl, I desires to ask you-all,
however Prince Hal brings Faistaff to the wars that time, if cattle
can't talk?"




CHAPTER XII.

How Wolfville Made a Jest.


"It's soon after that time I tells you of when Rainbow Sam dies
off," and the Old Cattleman assumed the airs of a conversational
Froude, "when the camp turns in an' has its little jest with the
Signal Service sharp. You sees we're that depressed about Rainbow
cashin' in, we needc reelaxatin that a-way, so we-all nacheral
enough diverts ourse'fs with this Signal party who comes bulgin' up
all handy.

"Don't make no mistaken notions about Wolfville bein' a idle an' a
dangerous camp. Which on the contrary, Wolfville is shorely the home
of jestice, an' a squar' man gets a squar' game every time. Thar
ain't no 'bad men' 'round Wolfville, public sentiment bein' obdurate
on that p'int. Hard people, who has filed the sights offen their
six-shooters or fans their guns in a fight, don't get tolerated,
none whatever.

"Of course, thar's gents in Wolfville who has seen trouble an' seen
it in the smoke. Cherokee Hall, for instance, so Doc Peets mentions
to me private, one time an' another downs 'leven men.

"But Cherokee's by nacher kind o' warm an' nervous, an' bein' he's
behind a faro game, most likely he sees more o'casion; at any rate,
it's common knowledge that whatever he's done is right.

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